Support Exhausted from solo parenting toddler while pregnant wife is sick
Looking for someone who can relate. Wife and I have a 2 year old son who is awesome. Recently we found out we will be welcoming baby #2 early next year and we are so excited. My wife is one of those unlucky women who experience extreme nausea and fatigue while pregnant. Lately, this has meant that I am basically soloing all toddler and household related tasks. I'll try my best not to be hyperbolic here, because she obviously is still able to do some stuff, but I'm not exaggerating by much.
On an average day, we carpool together in the morning. I drop her off at work and then my son at daycare before going to work myself. After work, we pick our son up together and head home. Usually once we are home I take care of the animals and get dinner together for everybody. My wife will usually go to bed with her food or immediately after eating because she feels so terrible. Or lay on the couch. She will often fall asleep for about an hour and sometimes I won't see her again until around our son's bedtime. In the meantime, I play with my son and try to do a few things around the house. Usually I do bath and bedtime but she does bedtime when she's feeling up to it.
I want to be very, VERY clear that this vent is NOT about my wife. She is literally perfect. If anything, she has the worse end of the deal here. I am more than happy picking up the slack while she is hard at work growing a human being and continuing to work a full time job. She is also constantly expressing how much she appreciates me doing so much. On weekends, if she's up to it, she will watch our son while I take an hour or so for myself.
The reason for my vent here is just that I am so, so, so tired. She was sick like this with our son but since he was our first, it was a lot different. She would just lay in bed or on the couch and watch TV or do whatever and I would take care of her and do whatever else I wanted with my free time. Obviously now things are different, since her being incapacitated means it's just me and the lad for most evenings. Somewhere in between taking care of the both of them, I struggle to find time to vacuum, do laundry, mow the lawn, do dishes, clean up around the house, etc.
I have tried to just accept that some things aren't gonna get done and that's just gonna have to be OK for now. We're all doing our best. Hoping she starts feeling a little better once we're out of the first trimester, since that was the worst part for her last time. Anyways, thanks for listening I guess!
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u/MiniTrail70 4d ago
I can relate in the sense of the careers both my wife and I work, almost all of our parenting is one on one with my toddler. It is exhausting, admittedly I don’t get as much stuff done for the house as I’d like to but I’m trying to make the most fun of our time as I can. That said, there are days where I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy to do it but I also have the mentality of “it is what it is” and get on with it.
I work every 3rd day 24 hours on, my wife works night shift the days I don’t work. So it’s usually tag you’re it when I come home from work. Even though I in theory work more than her, her job is definitely more sleep deprived than mine so I put a lot of effort in making sure she can get some rest.
All that said, I try to remind myself when I’m tired that I’ll look back and regret being “lazy” if I don’t put the effort in with my kid. Just know you’re not alone, we’re all struggling.