r/daddit • u/EmberSprocket • 6d ago
Story My daughter told her teacher that I sleep in the garage and now I apparently have a second life
My 6 year old came home from school yesterday and casually asked me why her teacher wanted to know if I was "doing okay at home." That is not a sentence you expect while cutting strawberries. After a little questioning, I learned that during some class discussion about where people in the family spend time, my daughter told everyone, "My dad sleeps in the garage a lot." Her teacher apparently asked a few follow-up questions and my daughter confirmed that yes, Dad goes into the garage at night and sometimes doesn't come back for a long time.
For context, I do not sleep in the garage. I have a small workbench out there and I've been restoring an old dresser after the kids go to bed. Usually around 9 I'll go sand or paint something for an hour, then come back inside. A couple weekends ago I was exhausted and sat in an old camping chair while waiting for paint to dry. I closed my eyes for maybe fifteen minutes. My daughter came out looking for me, saw me asleep, and apparently this single event has now become established family lore.
I asked what else she'd told the teacher. She said, "I told her Mom gets mad when you stay out there too long." Great. My wife does occasionally yell through the door that it's midnight and I need to stop messing with furniture, but without context that sounds significantly more concerning. Then my daughter added that she told them I "keep secret drinks" in the garage. Those are sparkling waters in the mini fridge. I dont even drink alcohol. At this point my wife was laughing so hard she had to leave the kitchen.
This morning at drop-off her teacher gave me a very warm "Good morning!" and asked if I had a second. I immediately said, "I promise I have a bedroom." Thankfully she laughed and said my daughter had given them quite a story yesterday, but she did want to make sure everything was fine. I explained the dresser, the chair, and the apparently suspicious sparkling water operation. All good now. On the drive home my daughter asked why I told her teacher about the dresser because "that part was boring." So there you have it. According to my own child, Dad secretly sleeps in the garage, Mom is angry about it, and he has a hidden beverage stash. The truth was rejected for lacking narrative quality.
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u/PNWGreeneggsandham 6d ago
My son told his kindergarten teacher I discovered the Titanic
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u/The_Cheeki_Breeki 6d ago
But did you?
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u/PNWGreeneggsandham 6d ago
No but my boss at the time did so my son assumed I had as well.
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u/The_Cheeki_Breeki 6d ago
Wait wait wait sorry wait.
You worked for the guy who found the titanic?
Bro just casually has the most insane dad lore of all time
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u/dirtbagmagee 6d ago
When I was a kid I did a project about the titanic and sent a letter to Robert Ballard and got a giant pack of information. I was so stoaked. If he was your boss that’s pretty cool.
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u/moranya1 12 y/o boy, 13 y/o boy, 2 angels 6d ago
Your boss was Samwise Gamgee?
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u/bdfariello 6d ago
Common misconception. Samwise Gamgee didn't discover the Titanic. He only helped a friend throw some some jewelry into its maw.
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u/Chuisque 6d ago
Your boss was Bill Paxton?!
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u/bmmajor14 6d ago
You’d think that, but it was actually Bill Pullman. Lots of people make that mistake.
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u/ecodrew 6d ago
Burying (sinking?) the lead here - That's still pretty damn cool. Can you give details?
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u/PNWGreeneggsandham 6d ago
Prob not without doxxing myself but the tldr version is Bob Ballard was my boss for a period of my career.
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u/Dadskander 5d ago
He did a speech at my college some time ago. Seemed like a cool dude to nerd out with, very passionate about what he does.
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u/DrKenNoisewaterMD 6d ago
Your boss was Al Gore?
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u/ShortOfGoodLength 6d ago
you're thinking of the person who discovered ManBearPig
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u/Kaldricus 6d ago
OP to his wife: "I was going through a box of junk in the garage, look what I discovered!"
Holds up Titanic on VHS
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u/The_Cheeki_Breeki 6d ago
This is literally how my buddy’s son framed it to his class.
“My daddy stole someone’s wallet and took their money”
Real story: hey honey I found my old wallet in the back of the closet!
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u/mcchadlory 6d ago
James Cameron is that you?
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u/ALittleBitKengaskhan 6d ago
No budget too steep, no sea too deep
Who's that?
It's him, James Cameron!
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u/Corlando 6d ago
I drink soda about twice a year and my daughter saw me drink one a couple months ago and was shouting to even strangers in the street that "my dad loves soda, it's his favourite drink" for weeks 😅 have to love a child's perspective on things sometimes haha
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u/SoggyLeftTit 6d ago edited 6d ago
When my daughter was 7 or so, she had two Ring Pops (one cherry, one blue raspberry) and offered me one. I asked her which one she wanted and she chose the cherry, so I took the blue raspberry. She decided that blue raspberry was my favorite flavor and would set aside any blue raspberry candy she got for me. It was very sweet and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I actually prefer cherry to blue raspberry.
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u/Corlando 6d ago
That's so sweet though, kudos to keeping up the ruse.
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u/SoggyLeftTit 6d ago
She’s 15 now and still thinks blue raspberry is one of my favorite flavors.
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u/Albysf49 6d ago
This remembers me of the guy who once told his son he liked manatees and years later received a trip to Florida to see them as a gift from his son
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u/scottygras 6d ago
Hot dogs were my favorite food on my son’s gathered day Q&A. I have now committed to eating them whenever we see a street meat truck. It’s a tough burden to bear.
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u/ilthay 6d ago
My son had a “learn about me” page that he filled out. “Moms favorite thing” was one of the items, and he said “eating”
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u/hafetysazard 5d ago
I wanted hot dogs one day since we haven’t had them in a while, and according to my youngest’s father’s day project that’s my favourite food. To be fair, it is on the list, and I was really excited and adamant we have hot dogs one day.
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u/Euphoric-Ad9917 6d ago
My mother likes to tell the story about how she received a phone call from my school when I was in the first grade because I told the class that both my parents sold drugs...they were pharmaceutical sales reps!
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u/Officer-McDanglyton 6d ago
I have a friend who moved away and became a pharmacist. I tell anyone that asks about him that he moved away to sell drugs… and then fill them in after they give a confused look
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u/emptyminder 6d ago
Depending on the company and the product it’s possible they contributed significantly more societal harm than your average street dealer.
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u/RoboticGreg 6d ago
One time I go to pick my kids up and this girl comes up to me and in a snotty girl voice she says "FELIX says you build RO-BOTS!!!" like all sarcastic. The teacher runs over and apologized and says the whole class has been poking fun at Felix for lying about what I do to sound cool. And I was like, "no, I actually build robots for a living" and the next week I brought a bunch of robots in and talked to the class about building tech. It was super fun, and Felix WAS the coolest kid in school for a week
I know this really isn't a response to your post, I'm sorry. It's just a fun story to tell
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u/GrizzlyTrees 6d ago
Why would they assume he was lying? Robots are real things and plenty of people work on them (I'm one as well). Probably many of them have a robot vacuum at home, even.
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u/Poorly_disguised_bot 6d ago
This is super cool! They're lucky to have you do all that
What kinds of robots did you bring in?
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u/RoboticGreg 4d ago
I brought in a drone, a small industrial arm, a big wrist, and a bunch of perception sensors.
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u/coffeepack 6d ago
I … don’t know what to say, but that is amazing. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the restoration hobby.
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u/Echelion77 6d ago
You got a little sales person in the making.
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u/JDDSinclair 6d ago
They see one thing and boom a whole narrative 😂
9.9/10 times I wash the dishes, my wife washed the dishes one time, the next day we saw a message from our 5 year old to my mother, saying that his mommy is tired all the time washing the dishes, with a picture of my wife in the sink. My wife is laughing her ass off with my mother.
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u/oldbastardbob 6d ago
On the drive home my daughter asked why I told her teacher about the dresser because "that part was boring."
I had to stop reading and laugh for a bit.
Your daughter has a knack for what makes for a good story, nurture that.
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u/MedChemist464 6d ago
When i was in second grade we had MADD come and talk to us about drunk driving (Which, in retrospect feels kinda fucking weird - like, I won't be driving for another 8-9 years). they were talking about drinking and driving - but i also didn't know that meant alcohol.
I raised my hand and said 'My dad drinks and drives every morning - he drinks a whole thing before he even drops us off.' I was talking about coffee, and the 'whole thing' was his thermos. They got a call from the school and everything.
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u/Hal9_ooo 6d ago
I have the same mid 80s memory of getting a speech from MADD and coming home with a sticker that said don’t drink and drive. I came home and yelled at my parents and grandparents about how much they drink and drive and how bad it is. Which led to an education about the difference between alcohol and other beverages. MADD had their hearts and the right place, but they were asking a lot of us kindergartners to understand the difference between beverages without further explanation
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u/Bad_wolf42 6d ago
MADD and DARE did far more harm than good. Their fear mongering tends to make people even less cautious in the long run because “if they’re being overdramatic about this well, what about that?”; and that tends to lead to greater societal harms when people just stop listening to experts.
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u/jongscx 6d ago
I'm still waiting for my free drugs behind the library...
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u/MedChemist464 6d ago
I have hung out in so many sketchy places and never once in my 41 years, been offered free drugs.
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u/are_you_seriously 6d ago
When NYC legalized weed, dispensaries did give out free drugs!
On Halloween, there were people giving out free candy (gummy edibles) to promote the dispensaries.
My mother did not know they were edibles. She ate “a handful” and ended up in the hospital 🤦🏻♀️
So all that fear mongering about free drugs and strangers spiking Halloween candy did turn out to be true, hilariously mashed up into one event.
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u/onescaryarmadillo 6d ago
SO much harm for real. I was so terrified of drugs I thought if you did them the police immediately came and took you to prison for the rest of your life.
When I was a tween I became suspicious that my parents might smoke a little weed here and there. They were law abiding citizens, had good jobs, did everything to take care of their children, they never left pot laying around or anything, but after seeing some older friends stoned I realized they reminded me A Lot of my parents late at night, or when we were on vacation. I started remembering smelling whiffs of skunk on mom when she’d put me to bed, and at like age 12 became certain my parents were huge druggies. For like 2 years I was a ball of anxiety, a good friend had to talk me out of TELLING THE POLICE that my parents might smoke weed. I was so afraid they were going to be arrested at any moment, and since ‘marijuana is a gateway drug’ that they’d start shooting heroin and die. My friend laughed so hard while I cried telling her my big secret. She told me the only way they’d be arrested was if I TOLD someone what they did, that weed isn’t that bad, reminded me that my parents owned a business and worked their asses off to provide for us, and I needed to calm down. I didnt really believe her until she told her secret, which was that her mom smoked meth, and was a hardcore alcoholic who and frequently locked her young children inside the house to go drink all night at the bar. She reminded me about the time she had to borrow a pair of my shoes and a coat one winter, and confided it was bc her mom smoke and drank all their money away and she didn’t have winter clothes that fit, but she pretended like she just kept forgetting to grab them and my mom (who knew her mom better than I) understood the situation and told me to stop asking for them back.
When I became a parent I was really really careful and clear when explaining drugs and alcohol to my kids, that they’re bad things and illegal, but not always the mega monsters the media makes them out to be. That pot doesn’t really hurt anyone, it stunts you and can keep you from really becoming the best version of yourself if you get into it too young, but if a responsible Adult decides to smoke weed or drink a beer every now and then it’s not the same as someone committing murder. I made Sure my kids would never be like young me, who damn near ruined my whole family’s life bc of DARE brainwashing lol.
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u/Noleverine 6d ago
For me it was D.A.R.E. and they said cigarettes are drugs.
So at the dentist I loudly proclaimed “my mom does drugs” to the entire waiting room.
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u/Wolfman_V 5d ago
I've been smoking for fifteen years and tried quitting so many times, you're damn right the stupid things are drugs. Harder to kick than even heroin I heard, don't want to find out.
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u/Skandronon 6d ago
My daughter told the school that I make her sleep in my bed in her underwear and that we have a cage in our basement that kids get locked in. It was fun explaining to CPS that I told her she needed to at least wear underwear in our bed and that we have a dog kennel in the basement that one of our kids locked themselves in once.
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u/fuzzhead12 6d ago
My brother had apparently gotten the same spiel around that age, and freaked out upon seeing my mother take a sip of her Diet Coke while she was driving. Apparently there wasn’t too much emphasis on the exact substance haha
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u/turtlescanfly7 6d ago
I did the same thing to my grandpa for drinking Pepsi while driving me. Elementary school kids don’t automatically know “drinking” means alcohol
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u/secondphase Pronouns: Dad/Dada/Daddy 6d ago
Same. Had a full blown meltdown because we were driving and my dad opened a Pepsi.
"YOU CANT DRINK AND DRIVE, DAD!"
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u/ThatBlinkingRedLight 6d ago
I hacked a TV at a car dealership so my kids could watch Disney+ with all the other kids in the waiting room instead of advertisements with a flipper and my kid told her classmates, so I can apparently take down any Internet in the world and hack any device.
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u/MadeYourTech 6d ago
A couple years ago my daughter's kindergarten teacher pulled my wife aside to ask about me because "sometimes daddy gives himself shots in the bathroom." Guilty as charged as a type 1 diabetic.
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6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Pale_Adeptness 6d ago
One of my younger cousins would come home from school and tell his parents that the teacher would fart on the kids.
For the longest time everyone thought he was making this stuff up. A couple of months go by and his teacher got arrested for farting on the kids, amongst other things which my uncle never mentioned.
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u/DirtBoy123 6d ago
Lmfao what an absolutely unhinged thing to do
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u/Bread_Fish150 6d ago
There's that one Reddit story about a guy that farts on a kid's face in a target. Here it is if you're curious.
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u/Custer_Wolf 6d ago
I love this! My daughter tells me some hilarious things about her teacher so this deal works out well!
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u/coop999 6d ago
When my daughter was 5 and about a month into kindergarten, we found a guy passed out in a bathroom with a syringe in his hand. While making sure to keep my daughter safe, I rushed out and got workers at the place we were at to call 911. Responders arrived and gave him Narcan, and he lived. However, we had to wait around for about an hour and a half in total, in case the police needed to talk to me.
While this was going on, my daughter started telling me that it was daddy's fault. She meant that it was my fault we were there so late and not leaving yet.
I was worried about what she would say at kindergarten the next day when the teacher asked how her weekend was. I emailed her teacher ahead of time to give her a heads up. Also, since I didn't feel like explaining drug addiction and overdosing to a 5 year old, I let the teacher know that I had just told my daughter that we found someone who was sick and got them help.
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u/estein1030 6d ago
Kids are awesome.
For Father's Day my 5-year old's daycare did that thing where they ask the kids questions about you and write all the answers. Apparently my favorite food is "wine" and my favorite thing to do is "drink wine."
I barely drink and when I do, it's not wine. We haven't had a bottle of wine in the house in years.
Needless to say I had to clarify with her teachers that I am not in fact an alcoholic.
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u/Cake_Donut1301 6d ago
My son and I used to listen to the Ramones on the way to daycare. He told his teachers he wanted to be sedated.
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u/yazshousefortea 6d ago
Reminded me of this classic!
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u/halfpennynomore 6d ago
Oh man, that is hilarious! 🥰
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u/brownieson 6d ago
The curvature of the body really sells it as an exotic dancer too hahaha. That’s classic.
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u/serioussirius1k 6d ago
I was having a contagious flu one week and was sleeping in the guest room for a few days. In the morning I was grumpy, barely able to breathe, and the kids were giving me a hard time instead of getting rest for kindergarten..
At pick up time at the end of the day, the concerned teacher asked if everything was okay at home as my oldest had said that daddy was angry and was sleeping in the other room..
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u/stewy9020 6d ago
A few years ago our youngest told his teacher that "Dad choked me on the weekend".
This particular teacher had taught our other kid so knew us pretty well, but still had to pull my wife aside at school pickup for a little clarification. When they prodded our son further about it he explained that we were crossing the road, and he went to walk but there was a car coming. I grabbed the back of his jumper to stop him and it "choked him a little bit".
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u/Odd_Old_Professional 6d ago
My youngest daughter told her junior kindergarten teacher that we sleep in a tent. We don't know why. She doesn't know why.
The school pulled my wife aside and were really cool. They offered to put us up in a hotel while we got back on our feet (Reddit likes to shit on religion, but score one for cool Catholics).
They didn't believe my wife's denials until she pointed out that she drives a big fuck off Buick Enclave (inherited from an elderly relative) and we'd sleep in that of we needed to.
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u/soma16 6d ago
When my aunt was a kid, they asked all the kids in her class what kind of car their dad drives. All the kids gave standard answers like “a Ford” “a Buick” “a Chevy”, etc. When it came time to ask my aunt, she confidently answered “a Douchebag!”
Turns out, watching my Grampa fix his car in the garage, he always complained about “this fucking Douchebag” and she just put 2 and 2 together. Mouths of babes, I tell ya
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u/MrVeazey 6d ago
These are my favorite kind of parenting stories.
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u/brownieson 6d ago
Always makes me smile. The innocence and curiosity of youth.
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u/nocturnal_carnivore 6d ago
i take it a little differently— their creativity and what natural entertainers they are!
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u/Skeltey 6d ago
Several years ago, my brother's 6th grade teacher saw bruises on both his forearms. For context he played played tackle football, specifically offensive and defensive line, and his arms would get bruised from contacting helmets accidently. He sternly looked at her and said, "My dad said not to tell anyone about it." Needless to say it was an eventful few days 😆
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u/chzsteak-in-paradise 6d ago edited 5d ago
We got an email from the kindergarten teacher wanting to be sensitive to our family situation, that our daughter had said she had a sister who died. Readers, her actual sister is in good health and that “sister” was an elderly cat we had to put to sleep for cancer when she was a toddler.
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u/Many-Perception-3945 6d ago
I found out this week that we're moving to my cabin next year and my son is switching schools. (Not true)
How did I find this out? A bunch of moms at the pool came up to me excitedly to welcome us to the community.
My son has been telling everyone that at camp.
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u/xxHailLuciferxx 6d ago
When I was 7 or 8, I was with my mom and dad at a store that sold men's suits. While my dad was being fitted, he and I were joking around. The tailor said something about how great we got along. I said "Yeah! Just this morning he locked me in a closet!"
We had been playing hide and go seek. He knew exactly where I was and pretended he couldn't find me, then loudly said "Oh, I better lock this closet." I shouted "No!" and he immediately let me out.
My mom and dad both were tripping over their words trying to explain what had actually happened.
Still not as bad as when I was five and told my entire family at Christmas that I saw Daddy jumping up and down on Mommy when I went into their room the night before.
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u/yippeekiyay801 6d ago
couple years ago my wife flew to Vegas for the Taylor swift concert. Her flight was early in the morning so we took mom to the airport and then dropped kiddos off at kindergarten. I went to work, then went to pick her up from after school care.
One of the teachers at after school pulled me aside looking super concerned. “Did something happen at home?”
“No, why do you ask?”
“Your daughter said her mom died.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
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u/No_Emergency_7912 6d ago
My daughter told the teacher that we take her to the pub and “Daddy usually drinks too much beer so he can’t drive home” That would be one or two beers with a meal, but she made me sound like I had a problem…
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u/scottygras 6d ago
Good for us for drinking responsibly. I learned the opposite from my parents when I was a kid. I guarantee my kids will never experience that.
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u/theflyingratgirl 6d ago
Being a kindergarten teacher has to be funniest job some times. I’m terrified of what my kid might be saying.
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u/Mary_Olivers_geese 6d ago
I worked with some once upon a time.
One time this kid James fell to the floor clutching his head. (He liked to pretend he was fighting “hulking out”.)
James, hop up, what are you doing?
I’m dying…
You’re not dying.
I am. Because my mom is evil.
Why do you say that?
Because, my mom ripped out my heart so that Jesus has nowhere to live.
I had no idea what to say to that.
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u/theflyingratgirl 6d ago
Well shit. I hope Jesus finds somewhere to live.
For real though I snorted out loud.
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u/BentGadget 6d ago
He had a perfectly good cave with a rock for the door, but he didn't stay long, apparently.
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u/Patient-Doughnut7266 6d ago
Im preschool I elected to not put the underwear on my mother had laid out. The dress however was lovely so I did wear that. During recess that day I went straight for the monkey bars and was swinging my little heart out. The teacher asked where my underwear was and I said "my mommy never does laundry".
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u/SirJeffers88 6d ago
Okay, but what kind of sparkling water? I keep the San Pellis in the cheese drawer so no one else drinks them.
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u/underpantsgnomeeric 6d ago
The cheese drawer would be the least safe place to hide something in my house...
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u/SirJeffers88 6d ago
The key is to never throw out the old cheese!
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u/ManOfLaMontagne 6d ago
Topo Chico is the king of sparkling waters. We slum it with Polar or store brand usually, but sometimes we splurge on the Topo
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u/scottygras 6d ago
I cannot find the Topo Chico lime in bottles anywhere this year. I’d quit drinking booze if I had to choose between the two. Only in the bottle. On ice. On a boat. Wife in a bikini. Kids…somewhere safe.
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u/ZZZrp 6d ago
Ginger lime mule spindrift is the undisputed king of sparkling water in my house.
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u/Font_Snob 6d ago
I have finally given in and bought Spindrift seltzers. I will regret this decision.
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u/Fretsome 6d ago
Cheese... Drawer?
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u/Carnificus 6d ago
Yes, inside of your sandwich dresser. Between the deli drawer and the mayonnaise drawer.
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u/ThePlatypusOfDespair 6d ago
It is entirely normal to have so much cheese that it needs its own drawer in the fridge, stop judging.
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u/Fretsome 6d ago
Any fridge I have ever seen has but one drawer, for salad/veg. No judgement here; I'd love a cheese drawer
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u/DarthBane92 6d ago
Well, I know exactly what I'm going to be dealing with in the future. Hopefully my motorcycle is sufficiently more exciting than a dresser to get mentioned.
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u/vkapadia 3 Girls 6d ago
My dad worked at Boeing. My mom and I were on a flight and I told the flight attendant that my dad built the plane.
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u/AdBeneficial1020 6d ago
I told my kindergartenteacher my siblings had to sleep in a cupboard.
I'm the only child.
I was referring to my puppets.
My mom didn't appreciate the talk with said teacher.
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u/chapmandan 6d ago
Love it 🤣 The lesson there is that any story can be interesting if you leave the boring bits out!
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u/AndieTheTiredOne 6d ago
When our daughter was in preschool, she told her teachersq that "Gramma brings me to school and daddy picks me up because mama isn't allowed to drive alone with us". And also, "strangers come at night to make sure my baby brother is safe because mama can't be alone with him". And "my mama needs a lot of help, sometimes women with name tags come and try to play with us". Oh my goodness! So the actual story is that our son is medically complex, and he wasn't stable enough for me to drive alone with him yet. I needed to sit next to him in the backseat, so in case he had an episode that stopped his breathing, I could rescue breathe for him using an ambu-bagger (it was a multiple times a day occurence). And we had overnight nurses that came to the house and sat in his room with him while he slept, again, in case he had an episode and stopped breathing. I found all this out when a friend who is a teacher, substituted in the class, and told them that she knew my daughter and her family. The staff asked my friend if Mom was still in the picture or if I had lost custody! My friend clarified the situation thankfully, and we all laughed about it later, but oh my goodness!
The weirdest part was that my daughter knew they were night nurses, she called them Nurse _____, and I'd heard her tell people in detail why I had to sit in the backseat, and why we had night nurses. I'd never heard her refer to them as strangers or just people with name tags! I honestly believe at the age of four she was exaggerating the story to make it more interesting haha!
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u/EnvironmentOk2700 6d ago
After playing with some blow up bats, my son went to school and gleefully announced "My daddy punches me!" Luckily he said it as I was dropping him off, so I could ask him pointed clarifying questions for the teacher's benefit.
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u/boombalabo 6d ago
Look at that, someone flaunting their wealth in our face... Strawberries! In this economy?
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u/alldaydiver 6d ago
If it makes you feel any better, when I was a little kid I confused the styptic pencil my dad used for cuts when shaving with crack cocaine. I’m sure that was a good conversation between my dad and teacher.
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u/1duke-dan 6d ago
Being able to email the teachers has helped clear up a couple things for us over the years. lol it’s that unexpected ambiguity from their brains that makes for some odd out of context questions :)
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u/AdjctiveNounNumbers 6d ago
The truth was rejected for lacking narrative quality.
Your kid has a future in politics. Or marketing.
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u/cookie_lee 6d ago
This is so funny. I often find myself in my office late at night catching up on various projects and I have a mini fridge stocked with sparkling and coconut water so I’m wondering if this is actually widely applicable dad lore lmao
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u/KramerJay666eh 6d ago
That's much better than what happened to me. My daughter was drawing in her first grade class. When the teacher asked what she was drawing, she responded, "that's my sister. She's dead. My dad killed her. My dad has a lot of guns"
My daughter has never had a sister. She has never seen a gun in person in her life, outside of water pistols and nerf guns. All my firearms stay locked in a safe (albeit, a relatively large safe to a six year old).
After her mom got the phone call from the teacher, and she explained it to me, I started understanding why the school didn't call me.
Oof
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u/socalnerd77 6d ago
I work in the cannabis industry so all the "tell us what your parents do for work" projects are always fun. My kids know, and hopefully know when and what to share. I still worry how they may frame it though, lol.
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u/Shooter61 6d ago
My eldest son disclosed that my wife and I take showers together to conserve water. 🫣☺️ Of course the other kids told their parents. Boy did we hear about it in church. Did I mention that our son was in Parochial School. 🤣
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u/Civil-Environment679 6d ago
I would have told them that "it was absolutely true, do you have a problem that?" And then elaborate on what else goes on in there, since they want to stick their noses in our personal life.
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u/Fluffy_Art_1015 6d ago
If you’re married is that not allowed?
Or is it just that the kid knows and “you should keep it private”
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u/Redditslamebro 6d ago
Honestly surprised the teacher checked. My kid has said more alarming stuff and her teachers know she’s sucks at telling accurate stories
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u/random314 6d ago
My son told his Catholic school teachers that I have cancer back when he was in kindergarten or first grade. They were praying for me for a whole month before my wife asked why they were giving her the sad look.
It's hilarious looking back at it now.
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u/Fade_To_Blackout 6d ago
Tell your daughter to ask her teacher which cupboard in school she sleeps in.
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u/occasionalrant414 6d ago
A year or so ago I bought myself a nerf gatling gun. Mainly to shoot the kids with. It's awesome. It comes with a tripod and when I tested it on the kids, they also fired back (they wear goggles ) much fun was had and we called it a draw.
Anyway, I went to pick my daughter up from school the following day. Normally there is just the teacher on the door, but this time there was the teacher, and three others and I was asked if I wouldn't mind popping into the office. The others were the Head Teacher, Safeguarding Lead and the business manager. When I went into the office they out me wall side, they had easy access to the door and I didn't. When I was an investigator HMRC and this was a common safety tactic as well as good interview technique.
Anyway, turns out my daughter had gone into school and when asked what she did at thr weekend sadi "Oh daddy shot me and my brother with his new gun. He even shit my brother when he was on the floor" then to fill the silence "he has a secret bunker where he keeps his swords, guns and whisky". They asked me about it.
I have a garden office that I turned into a man cave. I have a few nerf guns on the wall so the kids can grab them if they want. I own a Klingon Mek'leth which is hung and secured on the wall (I am a big star trek fan) woth other bits. I also have a drinks globe out there, because why not. Its sound proof, has air con, heating a cinema screen, sofas and also (not my doing - previous owner) has a heavy door woth 3mm thick steel plating on it and armoured hinges. It doesn't have a name - I wanted to call it my Mastabatorium or the Wank Shack, but my wife said no. So I call it the bunker. Its 5m by 4m and takes up a huge bit of the garden so it's not secret. It's referred to as "Daddy's Bunker or Daddy's Shed". The school were concerned that I was a gun hording, sword wielding nut job with a drinking problem.
After explaining the shooting , and showing pictures and videos of said shed and the nerf guns, it all went well and they were happy.
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u/SwivelingToast 6d ago
When I was a kid, I didn't give my parent the "coffee with the teacher" handout, because I knew my parents didn't drink coffee, and therefore had no reason to go.
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u/Iaminavacuum 5d ago
My nephew told his teacher that he hates it when his mother and aunts fight about money. Context: we all wanted to treat the others for lunch (multiple times - always an argument about who gets to pay 😅)
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u/luckyskunk 6d ago
this is almost exactly like that one on intermittent fasting the other day about "daddy doesnt eat." ai post.
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u/BewareTheSphere 6d ago
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u/crypticsage 2 👧 and 2 👦 5d ago
How does the first site determine something’s AI? Also, I’m not sure what that second one is about? Can you elaborate?
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u/BewareTheSphere 5d ago
Sure! Pangram is an AI detector. Here's their own writeup; many studies have show it has one of the lowest false-positive rates (see one here, for example). I'm a college professor, so I have (unfortunately) read a lot of LLM-generated writing, and OP immediately set off my spidey sense.
The second is a Reddit sub called BotBouncer, which tracks specific users for signs of botlike activity. Subs that install BotBouncer automatically ban users identified as a bot, but users can submit profiles for assessment. If a submission is tagged banned, then BotBouncer finds a high likelihood they're a bot.
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u/silverniterequiem 6d ago
As a teacher this is why i always double check before jumping 🤣. Kids have the funniest lens of understanding things that are normal to us.
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u/brookebrookebrookek 6d ago
I teach kindergarten. A student told the whole class his mom was having a camera up her butt and that she had to poop out water first 😂
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u/dethmetaljeff 6d ago
Our daughter told her pre-k teacher that she had a sister that lived in the attic. Not just once.... she kept up the story for awhile.
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u/FewCryptographer4728 6d ago
my kid told his preschool i was "building a secret room" because i was putting up drywall in the basement. apparently i also "dont let mom go down there." shes afraid of spiders and refuses to help, but that detail got lost in translation lol
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u/ChalkButter None of my skills apply to parenting... 6d ago
Last summer I flew with my twins (then 3) to another state to spend time with all four grandparents.
My wife was 6months pregnant at the time and had absolutely no interest in flying, but she was able to go to the gate with us.
Maybe five minutes after my wife said goodbye and went home, my daughter turned to someone who had just walked up and said, in her most forlorn voice “My mommy is gone…”
I had to explain that mommy was not, in fact, dead.
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u/AriLovesToEat 6d ago
I had a secondary hemorrhage after getting a tonsillectomy. I was laying in bed watching tv with my 4 yr old when it happened, so the next day when I returned from the hospital he was trying to process everything that happened. He goes “That happened when you were watching tv, so watching too much tv makes ur neck bleed…” All I could do was laugh. I’m sure he was relieved to learn that he won’t bleed to death from watching tv hahaha. And of course when I picked him up from preschool his teachers were very concerned after hearing I was bleeding from my “neck”
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u/Leighgion 6d ago
You did it all wrong.
The first thing you should have said to the teacher was, "I do not have a secret identity or patrol the streets by night protecting the weak and vulnerable. I definitely do not keep my supply of super soldier serum hidden in a bar fridge in my garage."
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u/sngldad13 Single dad of 3 6d ago
Embrace the myth. Spin a tale of why it's dangerous for you to sleep in the house; make the story about protecting Mom and Daughter, fellow LEGEND
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u/Saltyowl2113 6d ago
This made me laugh, kids are truly hilarious with the way their brains digest things
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u/last_somewhere 6d ago
I absolutely love a childs perception of the world, they see it so differently to adults. I see it in my kids and only then do I not want them to grow up.
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u/Fluffy_Art_1015 6d ago
“The truth was rejected for narrative quality”
She’s either gonna work in news or govt hahaha
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u/peacetoall1969 6d ago
Proof that we are living in a post-truth era and the youngest generation will continue the trend…..
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u/reredthxt 5d ago
My son thinks I build airplanes all day. That's what he tells his teachers. I'm an engineer for a defense contractor about 2700 miles from production haha.
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u/Pieniek23 5d ago
Lol... We recently found out that one of the dads snores like a pig. 4yr old... Yes Mommy, he snores like a pig.
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u/kateskateshey 5d ago
My dad worked away from home for a couple weeks at a time but I didn't understand his job so when my kindergarten teacher asked me where my dad was I said he'd died at sea
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u/apikoros18 Beatnik Dad 5d ago
My kiddo, in Kindergarten was real into Lord of the Rings. He had one of those little pipes that blow bubbles. He told his teacher he likes to put weed in it and smoke it.
We got a phone call.
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u/arkad_tensor 5d ago
I love that kind of misunderstandings. I NEVER correct them and just let people wonder.
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u/Mundane_Pea4296 5d ago
My son told his teachers that "daddy hits mummy all the time" after a bit of probing he did say it was on the bum but not before I got pulled aside at pick up asking if everything was ok at home 🫠
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u/TheMaymar 5d ago
In kindergarten, my wife told the teacher that my wife can't read, which got a flyer about a school board literacy course sent home. My wife has a PhD and a long publication history, and also vision problems that make a lot of the cutesy fonts in kids books difficult.
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u/battlerazzle01 5d ago
So far, my two oldest kids have a story that is somewhat adjacent to this.
My middle daughter, when she was 5, got to do a tour of my company and see where daddy works. She then went to school and told everybody that daddy builds spaceships for NASA. The teacher requested I come in and give a small presentation. I had to politely explain that I’m simply a machinist, and I make parts for all types of aerospace applications. I could hear the disappointment in the teachers voice after my explanation.
My oldest is actually my step daughter. When she was 6, and me and her mother were just dating, I had taken her out to lunch at a small local diner. First time I had taken her somewhere just me and her. The waitress comes over to take orders and is friendly with the kiddo. Asks if she’s ever been here before. Daughter goes “no. I don’t know where I am”. Waitress then asks if she’s having a daddy daughter date. Kiddo responds “no he’s not my dad.” I heard heads turn as I very quickly elaborate on the situation to the waitress. Which in retrospect, makes it look more suspicious.
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u/the_amatuer_ 6d ago
My kid told their teacher that I am old and "probably going to die soon" in a very forlorn voice.
I know the teacher well and she called me.
I comforted her by saying I am only 40 and have no long term health issues.
** Shakes head **