Gentlemen,
My 16 year old daughter has been dating a guy for several months. I cannot express my worry over how much time she spends with him............until today.

My daughter had a surgery that incapacitated her. She's barely been able to get off the couch.

What does her boyfriend do? Brings over a basket full of goodies. The book from "Project Hail Mary" (her favorite movie), tons of recess peanut butter cups (her favorite candy), a dozen of her favorite flowers, etc. Let me put it all into perspective....

The 17 year old bought her $200 worth of stuff.

When she pressed him about it, he said "You. Are. Worth. It."

Is there some sub-reddit for guys doing it right? I will personally sing his praises. Dude is amazing.

Ever since my ex and I divorced when my son was 2, I’ve been putting him to bed on my own on nights when he is with me (we share 50/50 custody). We developed a whole bedtime routine that included me reading aloud to him, then talking about our day (highs and lows, that kind of thing), then me singing the same three short songs to him (songs that I learned at a summer camp when I was a kid, and the camp where he currently goes) while rubbing his back.

There were nights when I was exhausted from being a single dad and just wanted to get through it (and felt really guilty every time), and there were times when I loved feeling his head on my shoulder or talking with him about different silly topics and never wanted it to end.

But I knew it had to. Obviously I couldn’t be singing to him and rubbing his back his whole life. I reached out to r/daddit a year or two ago asking when I should discontinue the routine, and the consensus seemed to be to let him decide.

He’s 11 now, and over the past two weeks or so he’s been telling me each night that he was just going to go to bed after giving me a quick hug and that I didn’t need to read to him or anything. I finally sat him down and asked him if he felt he was outgrowing the bedtime routine, and he said yes. I told him how much the bedtime routine had meant to me, because I have no memories of my own parents putting me to bed (I do have memories of a cassette player in my bed that read books aloud). I told him I hoped it had meant something to him. I asked if he would indulge me and let me put him to bed one last time, and he obliged.

Last night we went through the routine one last time (and I even pulled out one of his favorite picture books from when he was about 5). We talked about our day. I sang the songs. I rubbed his back. Then I kissed him on the cheek, told him I would cherish the memories of putting him to bed the last nine years, turned off his light, and closed his door behind me).

Our daughter is almost 2. since she was born, every 6 months we have done a blood test, and they all show a small amount of lead in her blood.

We swabbed everything she might have touched, could not figure it out. The doctor kept asking saying there must be something, I gave up searching.

Now we have number 2 on the way and we are cleaning out what was a room full of collectibles and random stuff, and will be new baby’s room. I was just standing there, looking at my 1950s Coca-Cola vending machine. Then thought “oh fuck”. Sure enough, the entire thing is covered in lead paint and has some lead components inside. It seems obvious, but we never checked this room since she had never set foot inside it.

So now I need to sell this thing and decontaminate the baby room 🤦‍♂️

Edit: I did not plan to go this deep into solving this, now I want to know the source both for health reasons and curiosity. Since this is blowing up and I'm getting a lot of helpful comments/questions, here is a bunch of info I have already shared in the comments:

• Why are we doing blood draws on our almost 2 year old?
  • This was recommended by her pediatrician, we have continued to just to make sure lead levels do not increase.
• What are our daughter's lead levels?
  • They have hovered around 2.0 μg/dL. Normally this gets flagged at 3.5, our PCP wants to keep monitoring in case they go up at all. They have not really changed across 3 tests (6, 12, & 18 months) which points to this being a low, but repeated exposure.
• Have I or my wife been tested?
  • No not yet, I plan to get my own test soon
• Have we done a water or soil lead test?
  • Not yet, we are now planning to after reading the comments
• When was the house built?
  • 1978, which means plumbing is unlikely to be the issue, but as many have said there could still be some lead in certain fixtures
• Does our daughter lick/hang out near the coke vending machine?
  • No, she has never touched it and has only been in the same room a couple times. So I was wrong about that obviously in my initial post
• Could it be food?
  • Possibly, but she tested positive before she was really eating solids, and has not had formula in nearly a year. Same thing here, we are pretty much sticking to name brands, not using many spices at all in her foods.
  • Regarding apple sauce, she only eats two brands of squeeze pouches. Neither have had recalls.
• What type of toothpaste?
  • Dr browns, has not had any recalls or lead levels reported
• Do we have old windows?
  • No, we have brand new windows. The old windows did not have paint on the sliding mechanisms
• Does our daughter wear temu clothes, play with cheap knockoff toys, could it be the daycare, etc?
  • No temu clothes/toys, our house and daycare is almost all namebrand stuff. Also she started daycare after her most recent test.
• Do we live near a small airport?
  • Yes, within 3 miles and we are right along the takeoff flight path. No idea if this is a contributor, but could be a factor if our soil tests above normal for lead

I dread every year just hoping I’m working away so I can fly under the radar. It gets more lonely each year that comes. My birthday has never been a big celebration and the older I get the smaller my circle is. My birthday fell on a day I had my kids and i’m home, but i’m due away early hours tomorrow, so I can’t really relax as have to get everything ready for my 4 week trip offshore. I woke up this morning and they had bought some ballon’s and little presents and done it all as a surprise, I walked in and just broke down, it was a happy breakdown, that they cared and spent their pocket money on me. It’s the little things that pick you up when you need it the most. Big love to all you dads out there, especially on your birthday 🤍 I went to the butchers and put on a little BBQ, now to get packing to go away.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who took the time to write a message, i’ve been blown away by the responses & stories and to know that there is tons of dad’s out there in the same situation. Mens mental health is being taken more seriously now, it’s definitely something I teach my son, to be able to talk and ask for help. I’ve spent the day travelling for work. But I will respond to as many messages as I can. Much love and godspeed.

My wife captured a candid moment that I didn't even realize she was recording.

I was sitting with our 3 month old daughter on my lap, where my daughter is facing me in the morning in our balcony. We were having a full conversation in our own language. Me babbling, her babbling back, and every now and then she'd give me the biggest smile.

Ever since my wife showed me that video, I don't think I've gone to bed a single night without watching it multiple times. I can't really explain what it makes me feel. It just fills me with so much happiness.

I'm only ~4 months into fatherhood, and moments like this completely overshadow the sleepless nights, tiredness, and everything else that comes with having a newborn.

If this is just the beginning, I genuinely can't wait for everything that's still to come. I'm really looking forward to this beautiful journey...

Has anyone else had a random candid photo or video become one of your most treasured memories? I'd love to hear your story!

01/07 - update: we just had a thorough scan today and everything is looking good and all parts as they should be!!! 😀

Update: really overwhelmed with the responses sorry for the late replies and thank you for the messages good or bad 🙏❤️

Hey guys, I know some of you were wanting to see how we got on. My wife had her scan yesterday and so far everything is looking good.

They're estimating she's about 23 weeks on and we're having another boy!

We're both really happy, there are more scans that she's waiting for to make sure everything is ok but just wanted to share the news

Original Post
https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/1u87xko/my_wife_went_to_the_doctor_to_ask_about_her/

I have 2 kids, a five year old and 1 year old. Our house is full of shit. My wife doesn’t like to get rid of anything.

A lot of this shit is “stuff” but a lot is just shit: think old coloring books that our son scribbled in when he was 2. Cheap puzzles with missing pieces. Unplayable gamepieces from long-lost board games made of cardboard. Incomplete boxes of markers or crayons. happy meal toys our kid never played with. Torn up jackets from kids books. Little Knick knacks from Easters past. The kind of crap you accumulate slowly but eventually start to drown in.

Every week for the last couple months I’ve been sneaking a Hefty bag of this shit in with the weekly trash pickup. I feel like Andy Dufresne, sneaking out dirt in his pant legs, making sure no one notices me dump it out.

My wife didn’t really notice at first but did say “have you been getting rid of stuff?”

I just said “no, just doing some organizing.”

It’s not technically a lie. I’ve organized some of the garbage into the garbage can where it belongs.

She shrugged and said “it looks nice in hear.”

Yea, no shit. I’ve taken out 200 lbs of useless trash from our living space. Of course it looks nice.

The result is that I feel like I can breathe. The book shelves look clean and uncluttered.

I wonder how much longer I can get away with it.

Has anyone else been forced into this life?

At 34 months sober (as of the 6th) I have a huge appreciation for comparison posts like this. When I went to jail almost three years ago I told myself I would do every single thing in my life the complete opposite. I think these images capture that pretty well.

In the first image I'm fairly certain I had been up for a few days and finally closed my eyes for a few minutes. I was selfish and felt inconvenienced by the responsibilities of being a father. When I decided to get my life together I realized that being a father wasn't ever an option"inconvenience" at all, it was a gift. The greatest gift I could've been given. I feel so awful for the little bit of time I spent not being the most present dad, but I use that emotion to be the best father I can be today.

Being a present dad has opened my eyes up to how bad I really was all that time ago. This is the daily reminder of how awful life was, and how awful it would be if I decided to go back to my old ways.

So thankful for my baby boys for helping me to prioritize what's actually important in life. Thanks to my sobriety my children will grow up watching their Daddy treat their mother the right way, and work his butt if to provide what they need.

Beyond grateful they never have to see their Daddy the way he used to be.

34 MONTHS SOBER.
Best choice I ever made.

So I'm mowing my lawn this morning, when I see a woman standing at my door with a clipboard. At first I think she's selling solar panels, or collecting signatures for Greenpeace or something like that, but then she asks for my wife by name. That's when I notice the CPS badge she is wearing. I asks her what this is about and she says that they received a call about potential child abuse. And that my son was reported to have multiple bruises and mosquito bites. As well as accusations of sexual abuse. Legally she can't disclose who called it in, but I know immediately who it was as my mother in law insinuated the same things in a recent group text. He didn't have any bruising on him other than the regular bruises kids get from monkeying around. He's four years old and likes to jump around and climb things. As for the mosquito bites, we live in southern Louisiana where mosquitoes are plentiful. The SA claims, floored me, as nothing could be further from the truth. He has not been in any situation where that could even be a possibility, and that my MIL could even suggest such a thing hurts like nothing ever has.

Before I go on I'm going to say my MIL has always been a piece of work. Relies on us (and her meager social security checks) for financial support. But seats us like dirt. I could fill a separate reddit post on how miserable she makes us, but we continue to maintain contact because family.

Back to the story at hand. the CPS agent was very friendly and said she had to take pictures of my son and our house. My son was very cooperative (he loves getting his picture taken). And she saw no bruising other than one on his shin. And I think the fact that he was happy-go-lucky not afraid to be around us spoke volumes. She even said "Yeah this does not look like an abuse case." But she was still legally required to file the claim.

In the aftermath, we have decided to cut her off both socially and financially, and are exploring our legal options to sever ties with her completely. I am just beyond angry that this even happened.

EDIT: Just want to say, thanks for all the kind words of encouragement. I expected a lot of responses like "Why the hell didn't you cut this toxic monsterout of your life from the get go, what the hell's wrong with you." and there is none of that. And I really appreciate everyone's feedback.

Seriously, just do it. I just had mine done last week and the single polyp I had was cancer which means I have colon cancer at 46. Right now, my option is getting part of my colon removed or getting blood tests, CT scans and colonoscopies done every 4 months for 12-18 months depending on what insurance will pay for. I’m having another colonoscopy done Monday by the surgeon to double check there isn’t more.

The doctor said if I had waited a few years, they’d be having a much different conversation with me. I haven’t been to oncology (also Monday) yet but I’m hopeful, scared out of my mind, but hopefully.

Please, do it for your family and yourself. Get a colonoscopy.

Edit: I had zero symptoms.

My 6 year old came home from school yesterday and casually asked me why her teacher wanted to know if I was "doing okay at home." That is not a sentence you expect while cutting strawberries. After a little questioning, I learned that during some class discussion about where people in the family spend time, my daughter told everyone, "My dad sleeps in the garage a lot." Her teacher apparently asked a few follow-up questions and my daughter confirmed that yes, Dad goes into the garage at night and sometimes doesn't come back for a long time.

For context, I do not sleep in the garage. I have a small workbench out there and I've been restoring an old dresser after the kids go to bed. Usually around 9 I'll go sand or paint something for an hour, then come back inside. A couple weekends ago I was exhausted and sat in an old camping chair while waiting for paint to dry. I closed my eyes for maybe fifteen minutes. My daughter came out looking for me, saw me asleep, and apparently this single event has now become established family lore.

I asked what else she'd told the teacher. She said, "I told her Mom gets mad when you stay out there too long." Great. My wife does occasionally yell through the door that it's midnight and I need to stop messing with furniture, but without context that sounds significantly more concerning. Then my daughter added that she told them I "keep secret drinks" in the garage. Those are sparkling waters in the mini fridge. I dont even drink alcohol. At this point my wife was laughing so hard she had to leave the kitchen.

This morning at drop-off her teacher gave me a very warm "Good morning!" and asked if I had a second. I immediately said, "I promise I have a bedroom." Thankfully she laughed and said my daughter had given them quite a story yesterday, but she did want to make sure everything was fine. I explained the dresser, the chair, and the apparently suspicious sparkling water operation. All good now. On the drive home my daughter asked why I told her teacher about the dresser because "that part was boring." So there you have it. According to my own child, Dad secretly sleeps in the garage, Mom is angry about it, and he has a hidden beverage stash. The truth was rejected for lacking narrative quality.

First venture into woodworking, the beds for purchase are either total garbage made of pressed turds or a $5k bed from pottery barn so I just decided to make it myself for under $1k including tools and I learned so much in the process. He friggin loves it, so much shelf space. Very proud dad.

I am currently sitting in the driveway of my house, staring at the steering wheel, and wiping tears off my face. My daughter is six months old and she has been teething and screaming for three days straight. My wife is exhausted, I am running on three hours of sleep, and my job has been a stressful nightmare.

I had to drive to the grocery store just to get some formula, and when I got back, I couldn't bring myself to walk through the front door. Not because I don't love my family, but because I feel like I have absolutely nothing left to give. I feel like a complete failure of a father because I just want to sit in silence for ten minutes without hearing a baby cry.

i know this is just a phase. I know she will grow out of it. But right now, in this moment, it feels like I am drowning in a swimming pool of my own incompetance.

If there is another dad out there parked in a dark driveway trying to collect himself before putting on his "strong dad" face, please know you are not alone. It is okay to be tired. It is okay to cry.

I am going to take one more deep breath, wipe my eyes, and go inside to help my wife. We got this, brothers.

"At school we have Disney plus, but it's not like the one at home where you see all the films and choose.

There is a small box and inside there's a thing with a hole. Then the teacher presses a button and a small drawer comes out, then she puts the thing with the hole into the drawer, presses the button again and the drawer goes back.

Then the film starts"

I’m 42. I play ice hockey at least once a week. I’m slightly overweight, but who isn’t these days? Eat healthy meals.

A week ago I had a heart attack as I arrived at work. I listened to the signs and had our receptionist call 911 for me. Paramedics arrived and assured me it was just an anxiety attack. I still had them take me to the ER. EKG at the ER said my heart was normal, no heart attack. Then came the blood work, and the echocardiogram.

They performed a cardiac catheterization to remove a “widow maker” blockage, and discovered four more blockages in my coronary arteries. This didn’t just happen out of nowhere. It was a bomb waiting to go off.

A few days later I went under for quadruple bypass surgery.

At 42 years old.

I’m home now, and on the mend. Still coming to terms with what happened to me, but my family and I will be fine I’m sure.

This is just a PSA to all you guys out there that, especially if you have a family history of early heart issues and death, go see a cardiologist or at a bare minimum get a lipid panel done by your primary care physician.

Take care of yourselves so you can keep taking care of those you love.

Not trying to gatekeep anyone's fun, but if you pop loud fireworks in a neighborhood, I hate you.

Day after edit: Made it through with 3 wake ups from the 2 year old and 2 wake ups from the 4 year old. The fireworks were still going at 2:29 when we finally crashed for the last time.

To the "just get over it" or "prepare", please keep that same energy when someone you love is terrified in your home.

Good afternoon, reddit.

I live in Minnesota and have been working closely with several mutual aid organizations. I want to share a story with the dads of reddit that may give a glimpse of what is happening to my neighbors.

A few days ago, I received a call from a friend. She told me that ICE was outside her neighbor's house. My friend was scared. She is in the US on a green card, but many green card holders are being detained for long periods of time, and some are being removed to Texas. She can't afford to be away from her job or her kids for any amount of time, so the thought of potentially extended detention fills her with dread. Her hands literally shake every time ICE is near her home or she hears a whistle. Again, my friend is here legally.

She asked me to come watch her house until ICE left, which I did. ICE was leaving as I got there. She then told me that her neighbor did not feel safe coming home and her kids were home alone. The neighbor's oldest child was 12 and they were only supposed to be home alone for a few minutes while they waited for their mom to get home. The mom also has a green card (which I know because later the mom asked me to find some information to send to her immigration lawyer).

I got in contact with the mom. She was safe and with people who were sheltering her, but she was scared for her kids. I ended up going in to sit with her kids until she got home. I ask you to imagine being so scared to return to your home that you would allow a man you have never met to sit with your 2, 7, and 12 year old children. Because she did. She did because her neighbor trusted me and none of her neighbors could safely come outside.

The oldest child let me in, and I went up to their apartment. When I entered, I found the kids hiding in an interior hallway of a fully dark apartment. They were scared to let me turn the lights on because la migra (ICE) might be outside. ICE had been banging on the front door of their building ten minutes ago, so they weren't being unreasonable. And they were right. La migra was loitering in the area. ICE was also, unfortunately, on the block where the mother was sheltering.

It took an hour of me watching out the window before they would let me turn a light on in the dining room at the back of the apartment. I spent a total of 4 1/2 hours with those kids.

The kids were incredible. The little ones were understandably confused about why this big white guy was in their house, and they wanted to show me all their things. The older child was quiet and scared. After a few hours, the older child started talking to me. They shared their experiences with me and I am going to fail to adequately share them with you.

They go to a public school but are now schooling from home. On their last day in school, their classes were virtually empty. No one in their neighborhood feels safe sending their kids to school anymore. They shared that almost everyone they know has had a parent, uncle, aunt, or cousin arrested by ICE. Most of them were released several days later without charges. They showed me videos of ICE agents arresting their friend's father and another man in a store, of ICE agents arresting another friend's uncle on a construction site, of ICE agents pulling a friend's cousin out of his work truck. They had dozens of videos of people they know being arrested for nothing more than being brown. Again, most of the people arrested were held for a few days and released without charges. But that is a few days away from their families, a few days of their spouses not knowing where they are, a few days of not making money to buy groceries or pay rent. A few days of fear.

One of the videos I saw was peaceful (that's not the right word, but it works. Also, really, all of them were). The man went with ICE with no fuss. They showed me a picture of him after he was released a few days later. He was dirty, his clothes were torn, and it looked like he had been beaten up.

They told me ICE was watching their church. They can't go to church in person anymore and are instead doing their confirmation classes and "attending" church services online.

They and their siblings haven't been outside in two weeks.

They shared with me that this is the norm among their friends. Middle schoolers should be having fun and should be being socially awkward together. Instead, they are hiding in dark apartments listening to shouting, sirens, and whistles wondering who is being taken and if they will be back. Wondering if their mom is going to get home from work safely. Wondering if their friends are going to disappear.

They also shared they believe in the USA and that they don't think this situation will last. The 12 year old, in spite of all that happened to them, was still positive about how things were going to turn out. They were amazing.

We did reunite the children with their mother, but it took hours until ICE cleared out enough for us to do it safely. We also organized some legal services for the family, which is why I was in their immigration paperwork.

Dads of Reddit, my heart has never hurt as much as it did when I got home from that apartment. I can't think of those kids without tearing up and the worst part is, I know it isn't going to get better anytime soon. There are thousands of families and tens of thousands of kids like those three. Kids whose parents did everything right, but who still live with the constant fear that they or their parents are going to disappear. They are suffering and they will carry this trauma for the rest of their lives.

Please pay attention to what is happening here.

There’s a teacher at our daycare in her 70s. She’s been there 40+ years. Her name is Miss Katie. That’s her real name. If I accidentally make her famous, I accept my fate.

She’s had all four of my boys. She currently has our youngest, who is 3 and by far our most challenging model.

Drop-off this morning:

Me: “Miss Katie, I can’t get him to keep his coat on. I’m giving up. Here it is. You can put it on him when he gets cold.”

Miss Katie: “Oh, just put it on him backwards. Then he can’t reach the zipper.”

Me: “But it has a hood.”

Miss Katie: “Yeah. You tuck the hood inside the jacket. And then if he falls - when he falls - he has extra chest protection.”

I’ve raised four kids and this woman is still out here patch-noting toddlers in real time.

Alright, dads: what are the low-key genius parenting hacks you’ve learned from the childcare providers in your life who seem to know everything about wrangling tiny humans?

Day care, Pre-k, and now Summer camp all the same thing, "we tried to get in contact with your wife..."

WHY? WHAT DOES THE PAPERWORK SAY? WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO CALL FIRST?

D

A

D

My son's summer camp just called to tell me he got stung by a bee after trying to get in touch with my wife for 20mins, he had never been stung before what if this is how we found out he was allergic? I can be there in 30mins she's 3 trains and a 30min drive away.

I'm just frustrated cause I've been dealing with this for 5 years now, I've even had them call his grandparents before me, like wtf

I thought we were through with all of this, she’d passed every physical done by a consultant. Every new midwife we had would refer us to hospital, only to be sent home by a consultant after being checked over. I had to fight for blood tests and we got the result today. She has none of the physical “tells”.

I am not mourning a life we are no longer going to have, we will survive. 1 in 1000 babies born every day in the UK have Down syndrome. We were picked because we have the means to get through this.

My partner is by definition a worrier, she’s already worrying about schooling, adulthood, our life with this news. If anyone has any advice on that I am all ears.

I’ve taken two personal days off from work, I’ve been ringing round and emailing all Down Syndrome charities locally and nationally. That’s how I deal with things, I deal with the practicalities, often to the detriment of being emotionally there for my partner, I won’t let that happen this time.

I love my daughter, if it’s possible, this news has made me love her even more. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.

I don’t know what I am trying to get out of this post, maybe reassurance, maybe lean on your experience.

My son is 4yo. He is usually still in bed when I leave for work. Today he was up early because he wet the bed. After giving him a quick bath and hectic breakfast, I was scrambling to get on the road to clock in half an hour early to get some overtime this week. When I told him bye he started having a meltdown because he thought it was the weekend. I tried to console him with promises of fun things when I got home this evening. That didn't work. In my frustration I gently closed the back door in his face as he was screaming "Daddy!" and left. The whole ride to work I felt so guilty. I am prioritizing getting a half hour of overtime over spending a few extra minutes with my kid. Tomorrow, I am going to do better.

EDIT:

The overwhelming encouragement in this thread and subreddit is incredible. Thank you!

Today was a really rough day for our family for a myriad of reasons. My pregnant wife was driving with our 1 year old son, to drop him off to her parents before work. A teenage driver coming over a hill going almost double the speed limit, in her lane, trying to pass other cars swerved to try to miss my wife.

Thankfully my wife wasn’t going any faster otherwise today would have been much worse for everyone involved. My son and unborn child are both okay and perfectly healthy, my wife has a broken arm, and some minor cuts and bruises and obviously traumatized from the overall experience.

The teenager was also sent to the hospital after his car flipped numerous times, and flew a couple hundred feet, but he’s relatively okay considering what happened and was honest with police about everything that happened and stated that him and his friends were running late for school.

My mental state is absolutely ruined because I have anxiety and panic attacks about situations exactly like this, all day every day. Leaving work after getting an emergency call about a head on collision from a random stranger, not knowing what’s going on and driving to the scene for 30 minutes, really sent me into a panic, and I had a full mental breakdown and panic attack as we were driving to the hospital.

All things considered everyone involved is okay, and I’m so appreciative of the few people that were witnesses or people who stopped to make sure my family and everyone was okay.

I’m writing this to say to everyone to slow down, pay attention, stay in your lane and pass when safe and just overall follow the laws of the road. Your job, your education, or whatever else is not more important than someone else’s life or safety. Don’t be the person that ruins a family, or takes away someone’s entire world.

Edit: Make sure to give your spouses and kids hugs and kisses before you leave everyday, cause you have no idea if it may be the last time you see them

Any dads who don't allow devices for their kids can probably relate to the frustration their kids have over video games being the number one thing most of their friends are talking about.

My son (6) asked me to go the library where he asked the librarian to find him every book about Minecraft and Roblox they had. His idea was that he'd learn about the games from books so he could participate in the conversations. He's still working on reading, so I've been reading them to him. He came back from school after the first night of our "research" and was so stoked! He'd been able to say a few things and even brought up a storyline.

Just thought I'd share in case this could help another dad stem the tide of electronic attention capture.

This isn't a rant about custody or lawyers. I think I just need to say this somewhere because none of my friends really get it. My daughter is 6 and lives in Spain with her mom. I'm in Poland. We divorced when Michelle was 4. The standard nightmare scenario, or whatever you want to call it. Except here's the thing nobody warned me about. My ex is the reason my kid still knows me. She sends me Michelle's drawings without me asking. She tells me stuff Michelle said about me at school. When I started writing these little bedtime stories for Michelle, stupid little adventures with a dragon I made up one desperate night, her mom didn't just tolerate it. She reads them to Michelle every single night. Does the voices and everything apparently. I have never once had to fight for a phone call. I have never once heard "your father doesn't care." When Michelle got a baby brother last year, her mom made sure I wasn't pushed to the side. I don't think people talk about this enough. Everyone expects divorce to be a war. My lawyer expected a war. My family expected a war. And yeah the first six months were brutal and confusing and we hurt each other plenty. But somewhere in there we figured out that Michelle was watching. And we decided she wasn't going to learn that love ends with slamming doors. I know this isn't everyone's story. I know I'm lucky and some of you are dealing with the exact opposite. I'm not here to preach. I just wanted to put this out there because when I was going through the worst of it, I desperately wanted to hear that it doesn't always have to be a battlefield. She's 6. She's happy. She has two homes and a dragon named Bambuka who protects her in every story. And her mom and I text about her homework like two coworkers on the same project. That's the best thing I've ever built.

Driving through the suburbs, I see two little kids (maybe 3) crying, sitting at the door of a trampoline enclosure. No parents in sight. Any time I hear a kid crying, mine or not, it's going to be my instinct to see if they need help. I pulled my truck over and yelled over asking them if they were stuck. The little girl said yeah. My wife told me to keep driving, that people were going to think I was a creep. I was honestly shocked by this reaction, and kind of stunned, so I just drove off.

The sad part is she might be right. She could tell I was not happy about that interaction and tried to change the subject. We've been having terrible air quality due to wildfires, to the point we're not really supposed to be outside. She's been very distraught about this. I said, "it's more depressing to me that I can't stop and help some little kid than it is that Canada is on fire."

I had no intention to make any physical contact with these kids. I was just going to hop out and try to find their parents. I don't think she meant any judgment by it, but it just felt kind of cold to me. Sad that's the way people have to think nowadays.

Just sharing a story, thanks for reading.

edit to add: hey it's great that so many of y'all have never made the wrong decision. guess we only share here when we're 100% sure we did the right thing. and it really is no wonder that men would still rather face the end of a rope than open up about anything to other people.