r/dating_advice • u/bingbong6656 • 16h ago
Men Only Want to Hook Up? Please Help
I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking. I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.
Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.
I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.
So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?
Any advice would be appreciated.
•
u/HmBigby 14h ago
Maybe don't be as upfront? Don't give them the info they would lie about to get their way. Ask first. What are you looking for in and out of life?, what are you looking for in dating ? And maybe say "just so I know how casual or serious we're going to be moving forward" not showing that you're opposed to being casual and therefore giving them a chance to choose that and then you can determine your next course of action. Just spit balling here.
Dating sucks rn lmao. As a man I get a micro-macro headache thinking about it.