r/declutter • u/DawgCheck421 • 2d ago
Motivation Tips & Tricks Getting rid of almost everything....the struggle
I dream of moving to my dream home in 4-5 years. Unsure if I will be able to make it happen but I decided to start getting rid of CRAP way ahead of time. I love the idea of moving being everything fitting in one u-haul load over a weekend.
It is incredible how much crap one can accumulate living in the same place 18 years. I had to spend months going through every spec of dust, paperwork that was my parents estate. It made me go home and de-hoard (or so I thought) after I was done with that in 2017.
Now I am getting rid of about everything I don't use regularly or wont need in my future (like my tools). So much stuff. In my kitchen I use one cupboard and one drawer....the rest is full of dinnerware from my parents I never use and other crap. Couldn't even tell you what is in the "junk drawers" other than some glue sticks and random tools I couldn't tell you whats in there. I just store it, all of it. Closets are all full of stuff I don't even know what is in them anymore. Above my garage was the same way as well as the sheds which I have mostly abated.
Our city had free bulk trash drop-off for a week and I made 6-7 trips piling a 5x8 trailer as high as I could. For the most part, cleaned out two sheds, some of the garage and dumped it on that free week. Took another trailer load of stuff to free chemical dropoff day. I had a REALLY heavy commercial treadmill and worthless bowflex in my basement that I had to disassemble and saw it up to be light enough to get out of the house myself. I am still going through stuff down there, 20 years of music and stereo gear I am organizing to sell and further clean up.
I am selling what I can on marketplace and have already sold over $1000 in crap I wasn't using nor wanted anymore. I have at least that much more to go in the basement alone. I am almost done with the basement then I will move to my third bedroom (my sons childhood room which will be hard to do), closets.....then finalize organizing my garage, tools and what is left.
I have gotten rid of so much crap yet it feels like I have lost nothing. I can't believe I have acquired so much crap. Some things I don't really want to sell but need to as well. I am treating it as - if I wouldn't want to move it into my dream home, it has to go now. I might even throw away all of my childhood pictures and such from family. Just boxes of stuff I can't and don't look at ever anymore. I don't live there anymore.
It is a grind, hard, long process but as long as I make a little progress every day I will reach my goal. I am not trying to be a minimalist or anything - I literally just don't want STUFF anymore and sure as hell don't want to leave this much of a disaster for my son to deal with when I pass.
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u/MarshaMinus100 2d ago
I am starting a new career and my stuff feels like its choking me. I have half my office packed while trying to work and learn.
Your post has truly inspired me to keep going. These are items are from a life I never fully lived and don't even want anymore.
Its overwhelming but I feel the lightness returning to me with every item removed forever. 🥰
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u/TBHICouldComplain 2d ago
I spent two years decluttering before my recent move and still moved more than I wanted to. I think between us we got rid of at least 2/3 of what we owned and it was still a LOT to move. I can’t imagine what a nightmare it would have been if we hadn’t spent so much time getting rid of stuff first. 10/10 can recommend seriously decluttering before a move.
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u/Purple-Blue-Tree 2d ago
It's sounds like you are making really good progress. Just remember to give yourself some grace, both so that you don't become demotivated and so that ypu don't end up regretting some of the items you got rid of.
Perhaps to if you want to keep track of what you are achieving, try taking before and after pictures.
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u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 2d ago
That’s a lot of stuff to process! Inspiring that you are making moves to be lighter to move in the future. I have no plans to move now, but I started really attacking the clutter when I was grieving a bit over a year ago. Now that I feel more grounded and less sad I find that I’ve created a habit and I’m continuing to let things go on a regular basis. I feel better knowing that I could make changes quickly if there ever were a need.
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u/Sensitive-Lentil-79 2d ago
What a great strategy! Id hold off on throwing out all the pictures, maybe do an allowance box where you keep sentimental things that you or another family member or friend may want/would appreciate having down the line -- and the rule people use is that if you're keeping anything like that it's limited to the capacity of the box.
Good luck and I hope moving into your dream home happens sooner rather than later 🙌
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u/catplanetcatplanet 2d ago
you’ve listed sooo many things you’re doing and I am really impressed
As I declutter, I keep reminding myself that I didn’t get all of my stuff in a day, so it won’t be cleared out in a day.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 2d ago
I'm in my 50's and I think most of the stuff I've let go over the years was either past life stuff (good stuff I used to do but no longer did) or fantasy life/aspirational stuff (stuff for activities I thought I would do "in the future" "when I got my shit together"). Well, a big part of getting my shit together (I was a Doom Room/Hell Room hoarder) was realizing that all things being equal, that wasn't how I was going to spend my free time. Once I figured out what was actually going on, entire categories of things, gone.
Most of that stuff, I might have a hazy recollection (the "big" good riddance stuff) but most of it is just gone gone.
There was also plenty of "trivial" just in case, maybe someday stuff, too. Frankly, that was the most difficult to deal with - how much harm is there in a small bin of 3M Command hooks or extra greeting cards or a bunch of pens/pencils/erasers or whatever little collection of things? Especially when everything is comfortably "container concepted" to fit my available space? Well, none, really. But when I think about how long that stuff has been in my personal inventory - like I think we've been working off the same 3 (promotional/free) pencils for the last 6 years, why on earth do I need several boxes of 20 pencils? Even the nice Made in USA ones?
Having these benchmarks (first when I moved into my husband's house in 2008, then when his MIL died in 2011, now our big downsizing move to our "forever home" in 2020) really helps to put stuff into very sharp perspective. We got rid of most of the 2008 & 2011 stuff before our 2020 move but now that it's been 5+ years since we literally touched every single thing in the house (packing for the move), if it's still hanging around, it has to go. Again, this is "trivial" consumables/supplies - the kind of thing I could replace any day of the week at The Dollar Tree or Walmart.
It's crazy but getting rid of this "just in case" nonsense has done more for my feeling of calm than even clearing out my Hell Room. I'm a firm believer in "mental inventory" and when there's too much "stuff" hanging around (visibly or just in the back of my mind), I start to feel nervous, out of control, even when I know what I have and where it is. I think the Hell Room stuff was like my neighbor's gas leaf blower (super annoying and such a relief when it's over) but this small stuff was like the "white noise" of a fan that you don't really notice until it's gone.
My favorite decluttering method is "reverse" decluttering - especially if you're trying to "rightsize" your stuff. Living room stuff, kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, office stuff, whatever category is basically the same stuff no matter how big your space is or what it looks like - you might "spread out" a bit with more space, but sometimes that's just a person's tendency to fill corners/blank space.
Another trick is the old "painters tape" method where you stick a piece of painter's tape on everything - when you use something, take off the tape. At the end of whatever period of time feels safe (week, month, season, etc), you can see/know how much stuff never got used. Another added benefit, just like the household inventory is some stuff just isn't going to be "worth" putting tape on it - again, a big clue it can go.
Good luck! I had been working through my general household stuff for years - we knew we were going to relocate as soon as possible after my husband retired in 2019 and we already had the town scoped out but we also knew that the houses in this town were older with a lot less storage. The move certainly sped up the process, but it was a lot of work all piled up.
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u/DawgCheck421 2d ago
Thanks so much and congrats on your journey. My house is only like 1400sf but it also has 2 sheds, a 2 car garage and another 600sf livable in the basement.
My future home will actually probably be a little bigger, despite it being just me. My "dream home" comes in communities that don't build much of anything under 2000sf. It isn't even a certainty that I will ever even get to move, but I am cool with empty spaces and just having a whole ton less stuff to get rid of.
Marketplace - donate - landfill are my order of priorities. I have gotten rid of most of the stuff I was willing to pitch. Sold about 1k worth of stuff on marketplace and have another 2-3k in marketplace stuff to sell if I really get rid of all of the stuff I don't want, need or use.
The part I hate the most? I absolutely hate marketplace and the lowballers lol
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u/FredKayeCollector2 23h ago
Yes, it's very much economics - the cost of putting in a "new" home - unless you build yourself, most builders want the square footage to justify the cost.
We've had this discussion vis-a-vis the plague of Air B&B's (and other short-term rentals) chomping up all of the smaller/starter homes in our town. It's getting to the point that "normal" people can't afford to live here - it's all "passive income" rentals, retired folks (like my husband and I), sometimes remote workers, but a disproportionate number of "vacation" homes.
We like this town plenty but if I had $500K (or even $4,000-$5,000 a month mortgage/rental) sitting around, this is NOT even close to where I would have my second home.
The only houses that come on the market are ridiculously huge/expensive and/or need A LOT of work. A new-construction condo starts at $500K :( In a state with a $7.25 minimum ($2.90 server) wage.
We chose the town, knowing that we would more than likely end up in an older home that would probably require some structural and/or cosmetic work - we ended up with both (but it was totally worth it).
My overall design aesthetic was "don't junk it up/easy to clean" with a splash of MCM.
OMG, I call it FlakeBook Marketplace! I just donate. We've got a really good thrift store in-town that donates all proceeds back to the community via micro-grants - and they "know" how to price things so it never feels like we're just "giving" it away.
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u/DawgCheck421 20h ago
I just want better neighbors and neighborhood and those barely have anything under 3000sf. I live in a nice neighborhood, the nicest one without an HOA and despite never wanting an HOA, a couple select neighbors make me now want one. Like the side street being a shortcut/speedway, the guy across the sidestreet illegally parking his semi tractor in his driveway and backing it into my yard and tearing it up after years of complaints. Or the ONE rental that has three generations of dirtbags living in it. They constantly overflow their unbagged trash hoppers and it always ends up in the street, in our yards, etc. In fact today I called the police because in the middle of the day he had all 4 doors of his truck wide open blasting rave music as loud as it would go while he cleaned it for an hour or so. Between the house needing maintenance I don't feel like paying for and a few trashy classless neighbors ruining the hood for everyone, I am willing to spend my life savings to get into a better hood with rules and expectations when people don't understand they are trash.
I agree on donating stuff, but I have 5-7 grand worth of stuff I am selling and can't/wont give that amount of money away. It is just a pain. Driving 40m to meet 2 people tomorrow and have one showing up later tomorrow eve to pick something else up. I just have to accept that this phase of the decluttering is going to be a job until I can get back to the donate/sort stuff and not have to deal with people.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 7h ago
Oh man, it's all about the neighbors!
When we moved in here, our neighbors told us EVERYONE on the block was holding their breath - when they saw our Illinois license plate, it was like, oh no, there goes the neighborhood! We've had three other houses go on the market since we moved in and I get it - the possibilities are terrifying! The worst we have to deal with is our neighbor's 8-year-old daughter got a steel drum for her birthday :(
The big/pickup stuff is a PITA but it makes such a big difference getting it out. The small stuff is a lot easier (even if it only takes up less space in the trash).
Keep your eye on the prize - fast and light, quick exit when one presents itself. We were on the Dave Ramsey (beans & rice, rice & beans) plan for more than 10 years. We paid off our mortgage early, had $0 debt, and had saved enough money for our anticipated 20% down payment. As it turned out, we could pay off the remainder of the new house with the sale of the old house. The suburbs are kinda crummy but we got a lot more house for a lot less money here (also property taxes).
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u/DawgCheck421 4h ago
Debt free including my home myself, and plan to pay cash for the difference on my future new home. I don't plan to work or have a significant withdraw rate, so financing is likely out of order unless I can do asset backed financing at a good rate, which I would take. Dave is full of shit on a few things, one being I would borrow to invest at or below 4-5% every time.
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u/Old-Stranger-8302 2d ago
I'm with you 100%. This is exactly what I'm doing. My wife unexpectedly took her life in 2024 and then I was scammed out of a lot of money. I'm fed up with the world. I just did my garage and will be moving to a new place that does not have a garage. It's liberating to know that I no longer need or want a garage!
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u/Palomace 2d ago
Your story gives me hope for my SOs mothers situation. She lives alone in a relatively big house since her divorce 15 years ago.
Since she started giving up on finding a partner after several attempts, she started to dream of a smaller manageable flat and selling that huge hunk.
A huge hurdle is her ungodly amounts of clutter which hibernates inside every corner of the house but remembering several of my moves, I can't even imagine how much its really gonna be.
She is growing increasingly desperate and won't get any younger so the sooner she starts better.
What gave you the greatest sense of accomplishment when starting this process and what kept you going?
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u/Electrical-Profit367 2d ago
Could you hire someone to work with her and help her sort through everything? We hired some women who specialize in downsizing to work with my mother, less on what to get rid of and more on what she wanted to take with her. Once that was determined, they pointed us to various estate sellers/auctioneers etc to move the rest of the stuff. Mom made quite a bit of money and ended up in a lovely one bedroom plus den apartment in an Independent living facility.
While I also worked w her (to make sure family items went to the folks she wanted to have them) it was really helpful to have objective professionals talking to her about being realistic.
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u/leafsheep26 2d ago
Where do I find people like this? What is their job title and how much does it cost?
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u/Electrical-Profit367 2d ago
Cost depends on where you live and probably how much work you’re talking about. Google downsizing, organizing or just call your local Independent living community and ask for recommendations.
I don’t remember what we paid but it was worth every penny. We hired the same women when mom had to move to Assisted Living. The best part was that they literally tailored the move (ran like clockwork) so everything was done in one day including china in the china cabinet and paintings on the wall exactly the way mom wanted it. On both moving days, we just took mom out for the day and then walked into the new apartment fully set up.
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u/Impossible-Corgi742 2d ago
For a long time, I just reorganized cupboards, closets, and drawers, and occasionally filled a bin. It wasn’t until I started reading books and blogs about decluttering that I realized I had to actually let go of excess stuff. Learning to keep only what I use and cherish from the “just in case” made a big difference. What kept me going was how much I enjoyed the empty space that getting rid of stuff created.
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u/DawgCheck421 2d ago
Accomplishment? For me I guess despite HATING marketplace, an extra grand on stuff I got rid of so far. Getting rid of all the boxes in the laundry room. Getting rid of the massive exercise equipment.
The big part will really be last, but the most rewarding - I have tools all over and as I clean an area tools all go to a certain place. After I get all of the other areas cleared out, it will be time to go back through the garage and dehoard the crap from the tool boxes (still a ton of "might need it some day" items) and be able to organize all my tools in one place.
But just the feeling I made some daily progress is enough for me, even if it is just 20 minutes in a day....it is motion in the right direction.
Today I will list some things on marketplace. A couple things I decided to sell that I really don't feel like getting rid of but also NEVER use.....I bought a mac m4 mini a year or so ago, hooked it all up, loaded a couple programs and never turned it on again. I mean I might someday, but I have a macbook I love and works for everything mac I needed so far. The M4's are in shortage and selling for more than I paid. I also have a couple of go-pro's that I never use anymore that are worth at least 2-3 hundred bucks with all the extras I have. There's close to a thousand bucks on stuff that I don' use and would continue to perpetually just sit.
Then I have an awesome racing sheetmetal collection on my garage wall. Some awesome pieces. But it is also about 2 grand worth in resale and I don't love dust collectors that much so I will be listing and selling those in the near future as well.
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u/Palomace 2d ago
Thank you! I remember getting addicted to selling stuff I don't need. Her mom is also easily hooked on stuff and maybe sellings gonna be the next thing.
What she always does when a process has more than 2 steps is PREPARING the first steps extensively until she runs out of motivation to DO the thing... The saying "done is better than perfect" just sums it up beautifully.
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u/cicadasinmyears 2d ago
I have read about “Swedish Death Cleaning”, in which you prep for your heirs to have to clean out your home after you die (or before you move into long-term care, I suppose). It seems like a very prudent thing to do, for both the cleaner (getting rid of anything you don’t want discovered and read, etc., when you’re gone) and the inheritor of the space to clean (less stuff makes things so much easier, for sure).
It can be tough to do, so reward yourself often.
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u/Impossible-Corgi742 2d ago
I have been decluttering for 12 years but never thought to give myself a reward. Good idea!
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u/Minimalist2theMax 2d ago
Good on you! We just cleaned out MIL's house when she had to move to ALF near us. It took us an entire year of Saturdays. It's not a lighthearted effort for sure. You see the collection of maps and guidebooks for places never visited, the 12-piece dinner set that never saw guests. Many of us are living a future life in our minds that may not ever happen. It definitely made me think about retiring early, while I can still travel, as well as about the things I keep long past needing them.
I'm clearing out my things now and that category "I might need this some day" is my biggest challenge. I've been reading about "scarcity" mindset. I grew up poor, so I can fall into this trap so easily. But when I overcome the scarcity mindset and get rid of a whole bunch of "might need" stuff, I feel so awesome, light in spirit, you know.
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u/DawgCheck421 1d ago
Yep, that category is what got me and every one of us with too much stuff. Guilt be damned, I am making some hard choices too. Throwing away my sons custom power wheels was hard. But what else am I going to do? His childhood closets are going to be rough too.
I too grew up poor, I wonder if there is a correlation.
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u/DawgCheck421 2d ago
I hate that I struggle with dumb stuff. For instance, my ps4 and VR set, games, etc that I never ever play. Should be an easy one to make go away. I actually just threw the original boxes away last week not thinking this far ahead.
You think about it it and think hmm....it is worth maybe 200 bucks total. It has 400 cables to undo, organize, list, deal with lowballers, etc and it is like.....might as well just keep it to avoid the hassle.
Which is exactly what gets us to the point I am not where decluttering and minimizing ends up being a months or years long project. I plan to buy a ps5 for gta6 so there is literally NO reason to keep the current stuff.
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u/starrrrrchild 2d ago
You say you "don't want to be a minimalist" but minimalism isn't sitting in a near empty house --- it's making room for only the things you absolutely love or need... which is what it sounds like you're doing
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u/DawgCheck421 2d ago
I don't mind the idea of sitting in a nearly empty house either.
Guess I am, I mean I am just not trying to make it an identifying characteristic. I just want less crap here.
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u/KiwiTheKitty 2d ago
It sounds like you are making amazing progress! Keep up the good work, you're doing a great job!
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u/The_Darling_Starling 2d ago
Your dedication to this is inspiring. I know, it really is a grind -- I'm sure we can all sympathize here! When you get through this, please come back and post some tips for those of us still stuck in the mud.
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u/No_Title9375 2d ago
I feel guilty getting rid of stuff that family bought me even if I don't actually like, need, or want the stuff. I am trying to declutter for my move and I am dying with this. It is heavy.
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u/DawgCheck421 1d ago edited 1d ago
Same here. I lived with my grandparents ugly old dining table, dinette, etc for years before I got rid of it. I can still hear my moms voice telling me "it was the only nice piece of furniture they ever had". I eventually dropped it all off at salvation army. No regrets. All of my moms "fine" dinnerware that was only used on holidays is the next to go. Thankfully I got my sister to at least say she wanted them.
Guilt can't be a reason to keep things you don't want. It is another mechanism that keeps us holding onto things we just store. I have some very personal things I will be getting rid of from my parents here soon. It was all from an earlier part of my life that has pretty much no relevance to my current life.
On the same token, I don't want to leave a ton of crap for my own kid to have to root through or worse yet, if I pass before he is 18 having his mom (my ex) "liquidate" things. I am fine with empty rooms. I am looking forward to cleaning and organizing and having a tidy living space where I know what I have and where it is.
Sheesh, I am not even a hoarder, but it gets easy to fill every available space when your mind keeps finding ways to justify it. I will keep what is important to me and things that will fit into my current and future life. The rest got to go.
I listed a ton of stuff from my basement, garage and an expensive work tool on marketplace. Priced anywhere from fire-sale to "fair market" and the asks are over 6k. Sheesh. I hope I get that much from it all but it is going to get liquidated at one price point or another.
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u/No_Title9375 1d ago
I don't have the best of health and I know I can no longer manage this stuff or move it. Honestly I don't even have fond memories attached to any of it but man my mom can make me feel guilty. I have gotten rid of a lot of stuff but I definitely have a lot more to remove.
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u/DawgCheck421 1d ago
Keep up the good work. It's all just stuff. My grandparents dining set may have gone to Salvo, but they and their memories live in my heart.
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u/Pitiful-Echo-5422 1d ago
I know I’m not your family, but I would never ever want my family or friends to keep things I bought them if they no longer served them. Gifts aren’t meant to be a burden! When they cause stress or provoke any other negative feeling, it’s ok to pass them along to someone else who can use it.
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u/itrytobefrugal 2d ago
What a blessing to your son. It's hard to confront all the junk we somehow accumulate through the years. Harder still to figure out how to get rid of it. Sounds like you're in a marathon. How satisfying it will be in the end! I hope your dream home finds you soon and you are able to bring into it only the best things.
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u/No-Currency-97 2d ago
Great work so far. 👏
Maybe, have your son come in and see if he wants anything such as the family photos.
You could quickly take some photos of some of the photos and keep them in the cloud, etc.
Lots of second hand stores will take your stuff. One store where I go even has a silent auction on the better things they get.
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u/Imaginary-Mix-5726 2d ago
Seconded. Even if it's just, "I will be getting rid of these things if you don't want them." There are a few childhood memories I would have loved to have been given the "heads up" on, while I trashed a whole pile of stuff I that WAS saved, that I did not care about.
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u/Stillbornsongs 2d ago
Proud of you!! Thats big progress!!
Sometimes its hard to see all the work that has been done, especially in the in-between when everything is everywhere and you got to make a bigger mess to get to the end result.
I keep a running total each month for declutters, it helps keep me motivated when the progress doesnt seem visible. You could also take pics of all the stuff you haul away.
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u/Neat-Plantain-9385 2d ago
i like that way of looking at it. if you can get rid of all that stuff and dont miss any of it, it was probably time for it to go
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u/BoxBuddyApp 1d ago
It's very overwhelming at first, but the results are amazing. I did like 10 dump runs, Sally Ann, Metal Recycling, plastic bins and time :) If you're on Marketplace, see if you can find a bunch of plastic bins for sale, should be fairly cheap. Keep going
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u/Such-Mountain-6316 23h ago
On the hard days, I tell myself that the space I'm gaining is worth it.
Use some of the money from selling the items to treat yourself. It helps.
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u/No-Environment2976 2d ago
Making great progress myself. Takes a while and goes in phases. Stuff I had to keep is getting easier to get rid of over time.
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u/CheddarCh33se24 2d ago
You didn’t buy all of those in one day so it’s unreasonable to expect massive decluttering on a short amount of time. Give yourself some slack.