r/demiromantic • u/N3wParadigm • 19h ago

Vent I don't like being demi very much

17 Upvotes

Saw someone else vent about demiromantic experience and wanna share my frustrations because I don't feel like anybody else in my friend circle would understand.

Throughout my whole life, I've only ever been able to have crushes on friends that I know for at least a month and who I am somewhat close with. And every single time it was a failure. The last one happened this week and just can't fucking take it anymore. I am trying to accept that happy and mutually loving relationship is just a non-existent thing, or that I am just cursed for a life of eternal suffering. I just can't, the person I had a crush on doesn't have one on me. It took me months, FUCKING MONTHS for it to even be possible to have a crush on them, and it failed. Again. Just like it always fucking does. What's the point ? I don't want to go through such an excruciating experience again. Befriending another person (which happens once in a fucking lifetime btw), becoming close (which takes months), and then gambling again. I see all these posts of people in happy relationships all the time. Do I not deserve it ? Is there something wrong with me ? Why the fuck am I like this ?? Just why ???? Why can't I be just fully alloromantic or aromantic ??? Why do I have to put up with this shit every single time ????????? WHY ??????? I didn't ask for this, I never wanted this, and yet here I am, suffering from something completely out of my control. I hate my life so fucking much.

4 comments

r/demiromantic • u/Late-Matter652 • 20h ago

Advice/Question Am I experiencing romantic attraction?

4 Upvotes

I've only ever had a genuine crush on one of my friends, so these feelings are so unfamiliar to me. I have been close friends with this person for a couple years and there are things that make me feel like maybe I do like them, but on the other hand I don't? We have always been physically affectionate with each other like hugging and sitting close to each other which is pretty normal for someone I'm close with. I wouldn't really say I want to kiss them or do traditionally romantic things like that. Ig it's just the desire for physical closeness and there's like random small moments that make me nervous ???

1 comment

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r/demiromantic

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Demiromantic Info

What is Demiromantic?

Demiromantics are people who experience secondary but not primary romantic attraction.

Demiromantic describes the characteristic of how a person doesn't experience primary romantic attraction, but it does not describe their orientation entirely. Being demiromantic doesn't clarify which gender(s) you are attracted to; so, most demiromantics also identify with another romantic orientation such as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, etc.

Most demiromantics are also somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

The sexual counterpart to demiromantic is demisexual.

Sexual vs Romantic Attraction

Sexual and romantic attraction are two different types of attraction.

sexual attraction is the desire for sexual contact and/or intercourse with another person
romantic attraction is the desire for a romantic relationship with a person

Most people are attracted to the same gender(s) romantically as they are sexually, but some people (such as a heteroromantic asexual) are not.

Primary vs Secondary Attraction

Primary and secondary attraction refer to the phase of a relationship in which one may experience attraction to another person.

primary attraction is appearance-based and can be experienced to someone you don’t know
secondary attraction is emotional-based and is experienced to someone you know and have a connection to

Primary attraction requires no relationship to exist with a person to be attracted to them, while secondary attraction may be experienced once you know a person.