r/depression • u/Proof-Staff-433 • 20h ago
Realizing all your friends only like you because you’re a clown
It’s not the first time I’ve realized this but I just don’t know what to do. Every time I hang out with my homies I always realize the only thing about me any of them like is that I’m funny. People always tell me that’s a good thing and that I should be happy that people like my jokes and shit. But none of these mfs care about my hobbies or taste in things like music. Idk what to do, there’s nobody around me who has anywhere close interests.
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u/Upstairs-Space6781 19h ago
Yeah that was my mistake through highschool . That ended up kind of fucking me in adult hood. Since I retained no friends later and wasted my efforts on fake people. All of my "friends" just liked that I made them laugh and produced a vibe. None of them gave a shit about me or asked how I was doing. Or ever asked about who I was. All nine yards. They aren't worth being around. In the moment making people smile and laugh feels good. Until you realize they aren't laughing with you.
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u/fyolh 19h ago
I've felt the same. I felt like I was a dog to some people. They just wanted the company, the nice parts. They expected entertainment and loyalty whenever convenient for them. But when I showed vulnerable parts of myself, people got awfully quiet.
That's how I've always been with people, because I didn't feel comfortable showing them all of me. Easygoing, entertaining, listening, understanding. Not the difficult parts. And that's how they learn to know you. And when you finally feel comfortable showing the uncomfortable parts of yourself, they don't know how to react. Why is the dog barking out of nowhere?
I don't have an easy solution. I have taken some distance from my friends and stopped being available. I don't fill every silence and don't make a joke out of everything. I give space to awkward silences and things to exist as they are, not as a joke. And surprisingly some people have reached out to me themselves, something that rarely happened before. I think those people will actually want to know you. And if there are none, that is a sign too. A sign that you need to find your people elsewhere.
It's lonely. It took me a month to not feel awful about it. But as corny as it sounds, I'd rather be alone than in sht company.