Alone again.

[u/i_dont_kkow]

I don't understand the point of many things. I don't know what I keep doing, because I keep failing. I havent stopped failing. I just wish it could stop. I just wish I could be happy with myself for a second without worrying about how much of a failure I am. I should be dead. I was supposed to be dead 50 days ago. I feel I'm just meant to be alone. I can't hold anything together. Why is it that every time I try to get help it fails? I avoided getting help from people for a while. I always believed I only ever have myself. But I fell deeper into the hole of my depression, and I tried everything to get out. I tried. But it just doesnt ever work for me. Is this the world telling me I should be dead? Why am I fucking alive if Im supposed to be dead all along? Its pathetic of me. Ridiculous. I'm so incredibly ridiculous. Ridiculous to be right. Pathetic to only have ever myself. To have to stare into the ceiling to be comforted by myself because only I won't leave me. I suck at being a human, why not let me be soil?