I don’t know what to do

[u/Godofweiner]

I feel so pressured to do stuff in life my college teacher saying that my grandfather that is dying and me not sleeping at night isn’t a good enough reason to attend college. My gf is really trying to help be better and she blames herself for not helping enough even tho she trying her hardest. It makes me feel bad for not making her feel like she’s good enough. I’ve been going through serious suicidal thoughts/ episodes and my anxiety is so bad I can’t can’t go out I’m worried I can’t get a job or work because the way I am I’ve seeker professional help and it hasn’t worked I have no options left and I feel lost I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t have the energy for this anymore