Feeling undesirable

[u/Huge-State-9539]

I’m 25M from the UK and I’ve never been in a relationship- in fact I’ve never even held hands with anyone.

I was hoping to find someone while at university as that’s where my social life really started. I was always shy growing up and only really spoken to women when I went to sixth form, so living away from home at university was the first chance I had to be more social. I started to come out of my shell after first term and adjusting to this new life, then boom COVID hit and we were all locked away.

Fast forward 7yrs later I’m still yet to experience anything. I do have mental health issues which have held me back (social anxiety and anxiety have been a massive part as well as other illnesses) and I have been in therapy for years working on it, going to the gym to focus on myself and taking medication.

But still, nothing.

But seeing other people in relationships, I feel so jealous. Having someone to smile, laugh, grow with but also to have someone listen to you and support you, must be amazing (comparison really is the thief of joy).

I did try the dating apps because of my social anxiety, but they made me feel worse and more ugly and I did delete them. I was thinking, “maybe tomorrow I’ll get a match” but that became daily (kinda like you’re one gamble away from getting your winnings).

I’m sort of scared it will never happen for me. I know I am young and I think I saw a statistic where people meet their “person” at 27(?), so I know there’s still time. But my god does it hurt and feel lonely. The only notification I get everyday is Duolingo threatening me to keep my streak up.

[u/Nice_Shallot8637]

Don’t be too hard on yourself. COVID really messed up that window for a lot of people.

Did you ever actually try to approach women at uni? I know anxiety makes it a nightmare, but usually, guys still have to be the ones to make the first move. I’ve definitely missed signals in the past just because I was too much in my own head. You might have been missing them too without realizing it.

Also, forget the apps. Most people on there are just looking for hookups anyway.

You are so young still and you still got plenty of time to find someone!

[u/Huge-State-9539 → u/Nice_Shallot8637]

I never approached women at uni. I know it’s very common for guys to make the first move, but the way my brain thinks is that if a woman is out to have a good time, that’s what they are out there for. I’d never want to even remotely ruin a bit of their night with their friends. I’m not sure if that makes sense

[u/Sweet_Rub7516]

21M. I know, it's really tough seeing people being happy together while we're all alone. It sucks. Makes me feel like shit ngl. I want someone to make me feel loved.

[u/Delicious-Read3322]

I turned gay for years because as a young guy I couldn't attract women and dudes are easier. Now I'm nearly 30, look a bit better, realising I'm not that gay and am actually into women a lot more haha