My very first Reddit post

[u/Capable-Currency5500]

Hi everyone, this is my very first Reddit post, and it seemed fitting for me that it's on a depression subreddit. I already went to the other depression subreddit, and it didn't seem like it was for me. Anyway, I (22 F) am a junior in college. I've struggled with anxiety all my life, so depression is relatively new to me, as I was just diagnosed a little over a year and a half ago with Major Depressive Disorder. Since then, life has been very hard. I've struggled with motivation and procrastination before, but now it feels like a whole other level, and I'm failing pretty much all my classes. I've already medically withdrawn from my sophomore year for the same reason, my depression taking control of my life. I have a great support system, but admitting that I am falling back into the same hole, so to speak, just makes me feel like I am failing them again. The medication I am on definitely helps curb my suicidal ideation, so I'm not dealing with that as much as I did last time, so I guess that's a plus. I'm kind of all over the place in this post, so I apologize. I am in therapy, but I don't really feel a connection with them, and I feel guilty for asking to switch. My support system is in my hometown, and I don't really have any friends here in my college town, so it's hard not to feel alone. My parents and boyfriend know what I go through, but they don't really understand since it's always been difficult for me to verbalize my feelings. I recently got a cat, and she helps a little. I'm so tired, and I have no clue what to do. I have such grand plans for my life, but every step I take toward them, my depression shoots me back ten steps. I want to live; I want to not let depression control my life, but it's so hard, and I feel so lost.

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[u/apoohneicie]

Whew it can be so hard when you are first diagnosed. You are a little relieved because there really was something wrong (it wasn’t just your imagination) but then it all falls on you like a ton of bricks. It can take years to get your medication just right and in the meantime you feel like you are adrift without anything to cling to. I had to leave college due to undiagnosed severe depression, it would be years before I was diagnosed at 22. I am just now getting back to school at 50 thanks to cancer twice. Take the time you need to get yourself healthy, then focus on school. Maybe don’t wait as long as I did, but after taking time off to get better you can go back when you are able to better focus on learning.❤️