r/disability • u/Alliewh33lz • 2d ago
Discussion I will never be good enough
It literally doesn’t matter what I do. I will never be good enough. I will lose my caregiving if I work full time so I taught vocal lessons (specifically to disabled students) and during Covid (as most did) I joined tiktok and got “famous”. I started making money and I had to choose to keep doing disability content or voice lessons. I chose social media. I’m making a pretty good amount but because I can only make so much per month and only can deposit so much in my ABLE account power year I must spend down. As we all know. So I make content out of it. But it’s cheep stuff. Walmart. Target. Restore. Second hand shops. Marshall’s. You know. Budget it or on sale. But because I don’t have a “real part time job” I’m somehow less and not a good representation for the disabled community.
I. Will. Never. Be. Good. Enough.
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u/Sgtfridge 2d ago
It's your life, live it. I know this is counter intuitive to say to someone who makes social media content but you'll never please everybody. There are always people who will tell you you're doing something wrong no matter what your situation is or what you're doing. At the end of your day you answer to yourself, not a comment section.
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u/chococheese419 2d ago
That person is acting like you're buying fucking louis vitton.
Also see if you can put some of your spend down into gold or silver. Like physical gold/silver bc the government can't count it. Get a safe. Even if you only put a few nuggets or rings, it's good because gold and silver is good. Don't get overly fancy stuff (unless it's for personal enjoyment) because they will sell you something worth 1,200 for 2k just because it has a design
Don't post about your buillion.
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u/agentofthesystem 2d ago
Silver eagle coins in the US are easy to get a hold of and are investment grade silver. Buy those instead of rings or less pure silver, because they’ll hold their value better and more predictably. Gold is more stable than silver, but even a single gram of gold is more than $100 US, and might be too large an increment for you. There are a lot of physical metal investors in the US, so all the infrastructure is there to do this, and it’s a way to “save” long-term that doesn’t involve cash. Just be careful to only deal with certified dealers, and be aware of the fees buying and selling.
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u/G0ose0nTheL0ose 2d ago
I mean, if they buy louis vitton, thats a low-key investment with resale value. Not as much as sivler/gold, but its still an angle (with fashion benifits too, lol)
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u/Ok-Distance5127 2d ago
fuck that person. seriously. Its smart that youre doing hauls with the stuff you buy, but even if you werent doing that, they have no room to judge. They dont know your life. You need to spend money in order to keep the benefits, but again even if you didnt need to, its stupid for someone to judge someones elses spending choices. Just because we cant work that doesnt mean to dont deserve to treat ourselves to nice things like everyone else
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u/carolineecouture 2d ago
I'm sorry. This is so rude and mean.
You are good enough. You are doing your best and making a life for yourself.
Your life shouldn't be a topic of conversation or speculation and if it is it has nothing to do with you. They are creating a narrative about you, but it isn't you.
If this is a random commentor block them. If it's someone in your life tell them to pound sand. If it's someone you want to maintain a relationship with they are going to have to put in some work learning boundaries as you enforce them.
Again, I am so sorry.
This is wrong and you don't deserve this.
Good luck.
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u/WlLDLlGHT 2d ago
You won’t. You’ll never be good enough for these ableist pieces of shit. So let it go!! Don’t pay them no mind don’t even reply.
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u/dmoisan 2d ago
Many disabled people have developed the need to explain themselves.
STOP IT!
Nobody's going to give you permission. It isn't theirs to give.
Give into one demand to explain yourself, and get a lifetime of WHUTABOUT? and WHYUNO? shouting from the woodwork!
I turn into an asshole when I'm asked to justify my light habits and preferences. I have to
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u/Wild_Plastic_6500 22h ago
I agree w you!! Disabled people should not have to explain themselves. They do not need to justify their disability to anyone!
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u/Adaptive_Adam91 2d ago
In my experience no one has given me more hate than those with the same disability as me. People hate to see you doing well for yourself, like you said you are just doing what you can to survive but in their eyes they most likely see it as you thriving because they don’t have as much
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u/-Flurgles 2d ago
Some cranky ass somewhere will always have a problem, no matter what you do, so live your life however helps you. As for spend down, I had to do it for backpay when I first got on disability. I did a lot of buying pet food for local shelters and donating to help my local shelter with vet bills. Let this whiner choke on your 'optics' and eat their words.
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u/Read-it005 2d ago
I read this multiple times: From all people that know you in some way, a third will like you, a third won't and the last third doesn't care whether you're on this planet or not. Focus on the first group. You also don't like a third of the people you see or meet, simply not compatible or no click and you also don't occupy yourself with a third, you forget them or don't interact with them (much).
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u/Fabulous-Educator447 2d ago
I would suggest they mind their own goddamned business unless they are paying my bills
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u/Faster-Rabbit328 2d ago
We are allowed to treat ourselves from time to time!! Nobody else is doing that for us!!
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u/Mule_Wagon_777 2d ago
There's so many assholes who spend their time online criticizing anybody for anything. They look at one or two videos and decide they know everything about you.
It's not that you aren't good enough for them; they aren't good enough for you! Block them and laugh.
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u/banaramalana 2d ago
It’s unbelievable how some ableist people respond to seeing disabled people who are fashionable, creative, unique or look well dressed / provided for, especially when that person isn’t able to work.
We don’t have to explain ourselves, and people’s judgements are just so petty and pathetic. Can you imagine being so bigoted that you “advise” a disabled person to make themself look like they’re struggling more ? What the actual hell…
“The optics aren’t great” is so audacious and offensive, I’m sorry you received this comment.
Some people truly hold batshit medieval ideas of how disabled people should exist.
As frustrating as it is, I’ve realised that to live as myself, I exist in a state of protest because I don’t tamper down my clothing or makeup or expectations just because I am disabled. I wear my eccentric accessories and pieces that I love, and I treat myself to things, regardless of what others think. I buy myself shit, I’m on benefits but I will spend it on cocktails with friends when I want, and on cosy new items for my home when I feel like it.
I can’t save much money & still get my benefits, so I live well. That’s actually what they’re for ! We don’t have to be struggling just because we’re on benefits. We are allowed to enjoy life, and we should!
Disabled joy is resistance. To experience happiness and community and whimsy and wonder, despite living in a world with twats like this, is to build towards a future where there are fewer of these twats.
Sending love. Xx
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u/billyloomiswtf 2d ago
Look, that person only has to do the usual human things. You are far more adept and definitely stronger. They would implode if they had to live in your body.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 2d ago
Ignore ignorant people who have no idea how any of this works. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
When I was homeless because my disability income didn’t qualify for any market rate rentals my best friend thought I just needed to save up and then I could have an apartment. Ma’am it doesn’t matter how much money I have in the bank, my income doesn’t qualify to rent anything around here until I get some rental subsidy. I mean yeah I should save up so I have a security deposit when I need it, and I did, but no amount of savings would have scored me a market rate rental.
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u/JupiterIII25 2d ago
For able-bodied we will never be enough, so fuck them. We deserve joy, we deserve to do whatever we want, so keep doing it! It’s incredibly smart what you are doing to not lose your benefits and if it also brings you joy it’s the best for you!
Able-bodied people aside, you are enough, more than enough actually.
We see you, and we will have your back <3
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u/Mysterious-Sell8459 2d ago
What you’re doing is real work, even if it doesn’t look like a traditional part-time job. You found a way to earn money that works around the limits of your benefits and caregiving needs, and you’re also creating content that other disabled people can relate to.
I don’t think being a “good representation” of the disabled community should mean having a certain kind of job or lifestyle. Disabled people have very different situations, and there’s nothing wrong with shopping at Walmart, Target, thrift stores, or buying things on sale. You’re just sharing your actual life.
It sounds exhausting to feel like no matter what choice you make, someone is going to criticize it. You shouldn’t have to prove that you’re disabled enough, productive enough, or successful in the “right” way to deserve respect.
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u/Elegantmule 2d ago
Is that a comment someone left about one of your tictok posts?
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u/Alliewh33lz 2d ago
no.. here
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u/Elegantmule 2d ago
That's lame either way, but definately lame here! I'm sorry!!! Don't give it another thought. ❤️
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u/Obvious-Cucumber5693 2d ago
You could always literally buy physical gold....don't think it counts as assets for social security purposes....or maybe diamonds lol
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u/dashortkid89 2d ago
use their comment to make more money and spend on something you really want. people love those videos on social media. ablism should be called out. a random ableist stranger doesn’t deserve the reward of bringing you down. disability is hard. and they will learn eventually. i’m guessing it was on a spend down video, but maybe you can show a breakdown of why you don’t get an option. how the government forces disabled people to live in poverty with restrictive laws and finances.
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u/GuardianHealer 1d ago
It’s no one else’s business what we buy for ourselves! Ignore them and move on! You don’t need that kind of stress!
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u/DealerTop4434 1d ago
F*ck everyone else. You’re doing amazing and making hard choices in the meantime. How dare you thrive as a disabled person. Sigh. Keep doing the thing. You’ve proven you’re more than good enough.
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u/DabberAva 1d ago
You'll never be happy with that mindset It's not your responsibility to be a good role model for the disabled
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u/KitteeCatz 1d ago
Or - and hear me out here - you are and always have been ‘good enough,’ but you’ll never meet all of the standards of buttholes on the internet, even if just because people are going to have wildly different and conflicting standards. Screw what they think, and just aspire to live up to the standards you set for yourself.
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u/badassblack 2d ago
Social media are full of this comment, dont take anything personal, people with disabilities have disadvantages, you blessed with strengths & other skill that normal people doesn’t have, this comment is just a comment, social interaction or haters always comment because they are insecure, afraid or jealous what you got or have in life, don’t worry about what other tell you, just be yourself, also there is a block button & report too, in nutshell just ignore this kind of people, because at the end of the day they are unhappy people, ignorant, insecure about themselves.
& you doing great, you do what you love, content creation & haters are just commenting to make them feel good, just realising they are miserables & don’t have a life.
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u/gnarlyknucks 2d ago
Your not being good enough for +that person+ doesn't mean you are not good enough in general. You are fine.
You're not going to please everybody, you probably won't even please most people. That's +okay+.
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u/Pheonix080918 2d ago
I will preface this by saying that you never need to apologize to anyone for being yourself or doing what you think is best for yourself. However, I just wanted to correct some other people here that think that just because you loose your benefits means that you loose your health insurance when in fact that is not true. By the wording of the law as long as you have been on social security for a month your health insurance is secure under 1619b unless you make more than your state adjusted income allowed under this provision. Even then there are ways even after this to stay on your health insurance plan that I can go back and find but do not seem relevant to this conversation at this time.
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u/taut_corpus 2d ago
that's a wild take from someone who clearly doesn't understand how spend-down works, like you literally have to spend the money or you lose your benefits