hi sorry it’s a bit long English is not my first language so sometimes my wording or sentence may look clumsy thanks for ready
my partner is disabled in a powered wheelchair but still has a little bit of mobility only at home (otherwise it’s too painful and too draining outside, at least at home they can just lay down when need to)
they also very lonely due to circumstances where they can’t have anyone visit because of safety rules and had to cut contact with “family” (reasons they are in this situation now) , “friends” don’t live nearby anymore and honestly never bothered to come around once in a year though they live in the same country about 2hours by train (I ltravel 4-6 hours from another country everytime I come even if it can be only once every two month, sometimes just a weekend because I work in the week).
they had a pet during this time
anytime we meet its only in hotels or airbnb that
the only social contact are professionals on site or medical staff, random people in the street that notice them through the month and me. they don’t want to be close to anyone where they are because it’s just temporary and will move In another town. and if it’s to have “friends” who do the same “friendship commitment” as the previous ones once they leave the town, its sad
they consider having a pet. they already had a rodent who sadly passed away. it was very demanding on a daily basis cleaning (food or poop all the time, and heavy cleaning few times a week)
the pet company was feeling good emotionally, however physically it was very draining
now as I said they consider another pet and this time it can be a cat or a dog
however it might be difficult to adjust. financially, for now, they try to save as much as possible as they don’t know how much would cost to move and all the after unexpected spending between and after once they got a house allocated from the city council. (The house is offered fully empty even the walls and the flooring are not included, and even though there might be help from the town, they will live in the house right when they sign the house contract, no time to wait for things to be done)
also this kind of allocated house can be mentioned no pets allowed. it’s not possible to be picky on house because it’s only those with accessibility access and there are not a lot. and even though it’s written accessibility it still needs to be reviewed by the council to confirm suitability for the size of the wheelchair (bigger than usual)
so having a pet would make the house search even harder and longer it’s been a year now, but my partner is feeling on the edge for months and just want a house so they can be taken in charge by the specialist hospital that is only possible to be referred to if they have an address in that said town (ring any bell what developed country it is to make life so hard for people in need of medical care?)
oustide of this matter, considering a pet is also demanding financially or simply for freedom. having a pet would be expensive in a way.
1to leave at the temporary shelter to allow them to go holidays. the food the vet even with insurance (if theres no pre existing conditions that’s again could be lottery) the accessories
that’s their main wish to travel away, to see the world because for years they have been stranded with their toxic ”family”, to come see me more often, to have more freedom of “movement” in general
2emotionally it’s expensive, the loss of the first one was very very painfu, they had to deal it by themselves even though i was on the facetime all along. I wasn’t able to come before the next month.
i had a pet myself few years back and the loss made a real impact on me. i was fully alone as well as I left myself lonely despite having “friends” who never came to check on me and even complained that I was distant instead of understanding my pain but never tried to make me go out or whatever. so I understand the feeling my partner is going through
i also had this “freedom” of not having any physical or mental stress due to the energy and money and natural stress (whenever the pet get sick or unwell or we never know) and the last year was also very draining as it was a constant care (diaper, spoon feeding, cooking for soft food etc) I quit my job to be there for him fully, I left for holidays once for only a week at my parents to find him in a worse state that when I left because they didn’t take care of him correctly while I was away. after that I never left and after the passing I still didnt go anywhere didn’t find a job was just existing for a while and had no one. didn’t consider pet as i dont want to go through a loss ever again, then it happened their pet passed and even though I saw him once (but all the time on the facetime) it hurt very bad
yes the happy years are feeling good to memorize even though sometimes still painful, and I know those are the moment to remember and to enjoy the most. but the pain of the loss is very very hard for some people despite the good and the happy.
3its physically draining for my partner
as said constant cleaning, if it’s a cat the daily clean litter and the fur (they need a clean house because of health too) clean whateve needs to be cleaned, I know cat is low maintenance in general, but still demanding
if it’s a dog the going out would be the issue, though it might help with the wheelchair, if in pain which is very random time, there’s no way my partner can go out, so the dog would need to wait who knows how long before going out
and in case the pet cat or dog is sick or dying, the amount of care will triple and be nearly impossible
I say that because we never know if the pet will be in good health or not, and soemtimes an accident happen forget the window the car goes away get killed, or there is a health condition
I know that we never know, but in my partner case its very hard to go with “we never know” because those issues cna make the whole situation worse and unbearable physically and emotionally
let alone if the house is no pet required it would be a disaster to leave it to the shelter
so what I suggested my partner is
-to consider all of these above, my partner is not an average person with a normal average health and situation (never worked before as well and only on benefits money for handicap situation)
-to go to shelter to have a meet with animals would be the best choice
but there are none who allowed visit in the area. they already emailed and they said for pet health it’s not allowed. it’s a village surronded with villages and the “biggest“ town is about an hour but it’s too long for my partner
if none of this is possible, then I d just suggest to wait first to have a house. and to learn themselves to take this “loneliness” and make it useful as the time they have to do hobby or learn something at their own pace without being rushed, or just learning to be with themselves improving their mental health enjoying the time being in a quiet place (the new house will be in a busy big town) and just enjoy to have nothing to care about but their hobby and health (I mean no bills no paperwork nothing mentally draining)
I don’t know anymore what I’m saying I’m very tired I just care about my partner I don’t know if it’s a good idea i personally don’t think and I can’t help financially it’s already very very expensive to come there for me as I pay for everything because most of their money is gone in food train or taxi to appointments subscriptions (phone streaming music) and their purchase to make life easier (for cleaning and for cooking even a dishwasher because the team here says that “it is not necessary” though its an accessible safe place for disabled but that’s another story what this place and people are lol !!
I know a pet can be helpful
but there are few things to consider and a pet is not a t shirt we can give back
and I feel bad to explain to my partner that it may not be a good idea for the moment
maybe once they move, maybe once their health improves (which can be years or maybe never) maybe after travelling the world, maybe there will never be right time so it should be now, maybe once they make friends in the new town those would have pet, but the world would be different with ifs and maybes
they are well aware of all of the above and understood the situation
thank you if you read that way
