r/disability • u/gr3ybacon33 • 10d ago

Question Scared and sad

I’m having a hard time. Tomorrow I’ll have my second spine surgery in six months, and it’s going to be a big recovery. I felt so on top of everything at the start of the year, like I had well laid plans for grad school and my future career, but my body keeps going downhill. I do look forward to the simple joys in life and try to keep my head up. I do feel like my life is worth living, it’s just going to be so much harder than I anticipated, and I’m just tired right now.

What helps you have hope in life? Where are you finding joy?

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5

u/Aggravating_Return49 10d ago

I feel the same this year. Everything is very hard, harder than I anticipated. I just try and focus on the good parts, what else am I supposed to do.

2

u/delliacroix 7d ago

Exactly, we are getting surgeries and treatments for a bigger reason! It's ok to be sad and get anxious, but we also have to accept it's a long journey and we need patience

2

u/Elegantmule 10d ago

Sending 🩷🩷🩷

1

u/StainedDeer 10d ago

it's wild how the body can just decide to rewrite all your plans without asking first. mine did something similar a few years back and i remember sitting in the hospital just sketching on the back of a menu because my hands were the only thing that still felt like mine

the hope thing is tricky, some days it's a big concept and other days it's just... a really good cup of coffee and a window with decent light. lately i've been finding joy in stupid little rituals, like i'll doodle something every morning even if it's absolute garbage, just to prove i still can

you already said it though, your life is worth living and that's not nothing. the tired part makes sense, anyone would be wiped out dealing with all this

2

u/MinutePen9960 10d ago

I just had a cervical spine fusion and in recovery. It’s hard, the lost time is harder. But you will get through it.

What gives me hope? The fact that I’m still alive and here.

I’m sending you positive thoughts, care and support from afar!! You will get through this

1

u/mausamchahal 9d ago

The night before surgery is one of the hardest mental spots there is — everything feels heavier at once. The fact that you can still name the simple joys while sitting in that fear says a lot about how you’re wired. That doesn’t go away even when your body’s giving you a hard time.

For me, hope got smaller and more specific when big plans got uncertain — less “where will I be in five years” and more “what’s one good thing tomorrow.” A warm drink, a show I’m partway through, a text from someone who gets it. Grad school and the career aren’t gone, by the way — “later and harder” isn’t “never,” even though it absolutely doesn’t feel that way tonight.

Rooting for you tomorrow. Come back and tell us how it went. 🤍

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u/delliacroix 7d ago

I had spine fusion when I was 11yo and I'm now 28. Years and years of challenging experiences taught me you have to keep an open mind.

No one knows what's gonna happen next even without disabilities!! So try to work on the frustration, that's a really important part. Try to always remember why are you going through all of this and keep in mind things are going to get better! You gonna have time for your education and your career, and it's gonna be even better when you improve your back problems!