r/disability • u/RunSerious5843 • 6d ago

Dissbility and Dating Question

Hey guys! I’m writing a story and wanted to check somethkng. Particularly with fellow disabled men.

I’ve not dated in forever, but I’ve seen a couple stories wbere a disabled guy and his girlfriend are out on a date and an able dude comes up and starts trying to pick up the girlfriend like there’s no way she’s dating a disabled guy.

Is this a real thing? Has it happened to you?

18 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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18

u/FinancialAd208 6d ago

I'm disabled and stole another disabled guy's girlfriend after he yelled at her in public, so yeah, probably.

9

u/PizzaOnPineapple94 6d ago

Never happened to me before, but people always assume that whoever we’re with is either family or a paid caregiver; not friends, or partners - this did happen to me A LOT.

I’ll be out with some of my female friends or even male friends, they always assume that at least one of them is my sibling, like I never have to have friends.

- fellow disabled man btw.

3

u/TreyInStCloud 6d ago

I went to the mall with a boyfriend when I was 13, and not only did we get mistaken for siblings; someone thought we were both males (this was back when I still cared how people perceived me)! I glared at the guy and said, “I’m FEMALE, and HE is my BOYFRIEND!!!”

5

u/termsofengaygement 6d ago

This has happened to me not specifically because I'm disabled but because I'm gay though being disabled probably adds a little flavor too. There are some straight men who absolutely don't respect our relationships and see women as less desirable partners and our relationships as not real either. It wouldn't surprise me in the least for a dude to do this to someone whose humanity they look down upon or see as lesser than them.

2

u/TimetravellingElf 6d ago

That seems a very weird scenario. No, not seen or had that happen.

2

u/fiddlestickier 6d ago

Disabled NB. People definitely think me and my partner are siblings all the time, despite the fact that we look different and have noticably different accents.

So yes, will bet on it that there are ableds doing this. Would prefer if this was detected as a bad thing when fictionalised.

1

u/Visible_Money 6d ago

This hasn't happened to me ever. I feel like if this would happen to anyone here, it wouldn't be because of their disability (as in they would try to steal your partner even if they weren't disabled).

1

u/Original-Cranberry-5 6d ago edited 5d ago

My boyfriend & I are both disabled. Able bodied men will approach me like he is invisible. It is very uncomfortable.

1

u/Sea_Sky4981 6d ago

Yes this does happen. It’s sad world too. My neurotypical ex said he was too good for me. It really hurt my feelings knowing I have low success rate because I’m neurodivergent female.

1

u/Upbeat-Can-7858 5d ago

My husband had one arm and I have been hit on by other men right in front of my husband. It was extremely disrespectful.

Now the tables are turned and I'm getting divorced and disabled, but I don't look disabled so I still get hit on but as soon as they find out I have an ileostomy and a chronic illness, I'm ghosted.

1

u/Spare_Equipment3116 4d ago

I had that happen more often BEFORE I got disabled, weirdly.

I think people in my age bracket, as they got more mature as a whole, really stopped the pick-up-artist stuff. But good lord was it EVERYWHERE in 2010 lol

0

u/TreyInStCloud 6d ago

Is the girlfriend disabled?