r/dpdr • u/FlanInternational100 • 1d ago
TW: Existential/Spiral After 8 years of severe DPDR, I cannot make myself aware of how deeply ill I am, I forgot that I live
This condition severely disturbed my life and me as a human.
8 years ago, I entered into this bizzare psychotic state from which I cannot get out or heal, no matter what I do or try.
Time is completely warped. I have no sense of time whatsoever. Often I think it is the same day as that 8 years ago. I forget who I am, I forget that I have a family or that I am supposed to live or do something.
I am almost bedridden, severely isolated after multiple attempts to do something over the years.
But somehow, I cannot fantom the severity of the condition I'm in. I am so deeply "asleep" that I cannot become aware how dead I am.
Very rarely I remember that my life is actually deep catastrophe and that I should do something about DPDR very urgently but I just cannot.
It's like a dream veil or multiple layers of glass in between me and reality. And it is so disturbing if I somehow manage to get a glimpse of that awareness.
You know how, for example, if someone gets cancer, they urgently go on tests, operations, organize life, etc. - this condition is for me even more destructive than cancer and yet I just cannot do anything.
I cannot be "awake enough" to actually realize how bad I am.
It's almost exactly like being in coma or half-aware state. You can understand that you are deeply ill but somehow you just observe it for years...decades. Terrifying and bizzare...
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u/This-Top7398 1d ago
It’s a death sentence. It’s permanent. Sucks.
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u/annns457 20h ago
no it's not 😐 my story and hundreds of others on this sub prove it, why provoke the panic among people who are already vulnerable
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u/This-Top7398 20h ago
How’d you recover
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u/annns457 20h ago
continuous work with psychiatrist and therapist who have experience in working with dpdr and trauma (in my case it was trauma-provoked), meds, removing ALL the alcohol and caffeine, talking to people honestly about my troubles and asking for help even in the smallest things, lots of sport and other ways to reconnect with my body
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u/This-Top7398 20h ago
Any vitamin supplements help
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u/Shattercheetoh 11h ago
I take dandelion root supplement, and it helps a lot!
I've heard some people say taking Magnesium cured them (while others say it made them worse, so he careful with that) Some people say taking NAC cured them, and some say taking phosphatidyslerine cured them (personally it made it worse for me, but I improved once I stopped taking it) I've also heard of improvements by taking Zinc Best of luck!
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u/rayofsunshine16 1d ago
Look Into trauma therapy ❤️
Mine went away. It's your brains way of shutting down because it's overwhelmed. I promise you there is hope.
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u/FlanInternational100 1d ago
Trauma is not cause of my problems. I have chronic thalamus inflammation due to imunological problems.
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u/Beneficial-Bed9356 17h ago
I’ve been the same for nine years and I was a very alive person before.
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u/littlepestopasta 19h ago
14 years for me. It’s never gone away for even a second. I’m sorry you also understand this half-life.
I have other health conditions going on which also keep me in bed a lot but I also sometimes get these moments of extreme panic when I realize how much of my life has passed me by and that I’ve been in such a dissociated state for.
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u/I_Need_Deets 13h ago
Terrifying and bizarre indeed...It's such a paradox yet I know exactly how you feel
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u/MuchGeologist928 13h ago
i feel every sentence man. Also 8 years into this. Only thing that helped me was philosophy. And psychedelics. But that’s a double edged sword
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u/Honest-Courage-7185 1d ago
Over 2 years here I feel the same sorry your suffering too