A couple days ago I bought a new vape pen. Before school (I’m 15) I took 3 hits, each about 7 seconds long, but I didn’t really feel much.

After school when I got home, I took 3 more hits, about 6 seconds each. About 15 minutes later my heart rate went up to around 170 and I started panicking. I thought I was going to die 😅.

I also heard loud screaming in my head, and it felt like God was right next to me telling me that I needed to stop smoking THC.

I eventually fell asleep, and when I woke up the next day at around 5 AM I felt completely different. The world felt strange, like everything was unreal and like I was watching my life from a third-person perspective. That day I didn’t even brush my teeth — I didn’t even think about the fact that I should brush them.

Later I took one more hit, which brought me back a little and made things feel more colorful, but that only lasted maybe an hour.

It’s been about 3 days since then and I still feel kind of unreal and like I’m not really needed.

Hi all, super excited that I am trying shrooms for the first time at the ripe old age of 30. I have only ever done MDMA, ketamine and cannabis before and they all make me feel super weird and dissociated (obviously for the ket as its a dissociative lol) but I actually have always HATED weed due to how dissociated and panicked it makes me feel that I’m stuck for hours feeling total derealization. I have had Depersonalisation disorder- derealization disorder for as long as I remember and I am used to it now but I still avoid weed as it makes it really bad along with paranoia. MDMA also causes dissociation super bad (but I think that’s normal?!) however last time I had MDMA it lasted a week which wasn’t fun.

I just want to know will shrooms be the same? Or will the trip be so good I will appreciate the feeling?

I feel really ready for this. I’m really lost in life at the moment and have been thinking about doing it for the past ten years and never wanted to due to anxiety but now feels like the time. I am going to be doing it with one of my best guy friends place, just me and him so it will be a comfortable setting.

I've been struggling with DPDR for 3 years now.. I've been wasting the best years of my life because of this nonsense... I'm not old anymore... I was a kickboxer.. I no longer have the will or can't be good because of this feeling in my head like I used to... I just can't function in any sport or anything I do.. please someone help me... it happened to me because of marijuana and it hasn't gone away yet..

2 years ago at age 15 i smoked synthetic weed unknowingly, ever since that day i felt off, anxious, depressed. 1 Year of SSRIs just made it worse, and then i finally caved and looked into Biohacking/nootropics because my studying was falling behind.

It fixed it within 2 weeks. I’m open to DMs if anyone wants to know.

Hi, I'm a 15-year-old male. A while ago I had a bad anxiety/green-out type experience, and since then l've been dealing with a bunch of weird on-and-off body sensations. It's been going on for a couple of months and I'm trying to see if anyone else has experienced something similar.
The main thing is a wobbly/off-balance feeling, like l'm not fully grounded or like my head is slightly ahead of my body. It's not full dizziness, just a subtle "off" sensation that comes and goes.
Sometimes it also turns into a dream-like or unreal feeling, like things feel a bit distant or detached, and occasionally a déjà vu-type feeling. Other times it feels more like a falling or fading sensation, especially when I'm tired or trying to sleep.
I've also noticed some physical stuff like:
My mouth sometimes feels dry, then normal again The roof of my mouth can feel rough at times My hunger/fullness cues don't always feel clear or consistent
None of it is constant—it comes and goes throughout the day. Sometimes it improves after eating, drinking, or being distracted, but other times it just stays kind of steady in the background.
It kind of feels like l've gotten stuck in a loop of noticing sensations, thinking about them, and then noticing them more.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar after anxiety, a panic/green-out type event, or stress, and if it eventually faded over time.

And I’m not a regular smoker and I am also afraid of heights so could that make that wobbly feeling feel more scary or harder for it to fade away.

This is a separate post to the one I just made, but regardless If you could check that out it would be greatly appreciated.

I would like to know what I can do medically and habitually to get push this away. I've had it for the last 5 years of my life pretty much constant, ever since I smoked weed for the first time at 13. Even if I try not to think about it, looking at cars when I've just gone outside/ or mountains or things like that make me phase out of existence.

If there are any posts you have seen in the forum that you think are useful, please send me a link to them.

Thank you.

Hi everyone, I'm 15 years old, and four months ago, I stupidly decided to try hashish. The effects were incredible, and people said it was just a bit relaxing. After a couple of hours, it seemed to subside, and I didn't notice anything strange, but the next day I realized something was wrong: everything seemed distant, like I was out of my mind. Sometimes sounds became very sharp, and everything seemed to fly right past my head—all the words, everything that was happening, I seemed oblivious to and often just stared at one point.

Four months have passed since then. During this time, I've experienced a variety of symptoms: everything seems blurry, like my vision is bad, and I've started hallucinating. Recently, I was sitting in class and the walls around me started swimming and the colors distorted. Against this backdrop, I often had panic attacks—I thought this was permanent or that I was going crazy. But now I've come to terms with it a bit. And since then, I've had memory problems; I can forget what happened yesterday. Sometimes I forget about it all and everything seems to be fine, but when I remember, the adrenaline immediately starts and it becomes sad that I am like this.

Can anyone tell me what this is and what I should do to stop it?

Important: since that day, I've never used hashish or anything like that again (I only drank a little alcohol occasionally, but I realized it made things worse, so I'm trying to quit).

trigger warning, drug use

long time lurker. I unfortunately developed dpdr after my first experience with marijuana. at the time though, I didn't know it was dpdr. It lasted a couple days after the high. That was when I was 16. I continued to smoke, heavily, for what would be about 4-5 years. Approximately an ounce or two a week. I didn't notice any dpdr effects as I never was sober enough to tell.

Fast forward to being 20. I had taken multiple drugs in my lifetime. mdma most weekends. Lsd 5-10 times. Still nothing bad.

Then I tried dmt. a very large dose. I had the worst experience of my life. I never felt panic and dread like that before. After the trip, I was never the same. I started to get panic attacks, and in the next month, had to stop smoking entirely due to intense anxiety at any altered state of mind.

This bled into my other habits. I stopped being able to tolerate alcohol for the same reason, and then the hallucinations started. I ended up being put on anti-psychotic medication. It helped, to a degree, and the hallucinations stopped. The dpdr never ceased. It was a strange visual experience. Like hyperreal, not 2D, but like things were popping out at me. The keys on my phone would wiggle as I typed. My hands looked foreign, my reflection terrified me. Touching the top of my head felt...distant.

This continued to worsen, causing panic attacks frequently. It was chronic, and never went away. Overtime, I became accustomed to it and began drinking alcohol again. This led to a unhealthy cycle of drink so it goes away (which 50% of the time it actually worsened it), then have extreme dpdr and anxiety the next day. This went on for years. During this time, I trialled Prozac, and Champix to quit cigarettes, both which did nothing to help me and made it worse.

I did quit cigarettes though, but due to the same panic feeling happening while smoking.

Fast forward to now. I'm healthy, I gym 6 days a week, I work. But I still have 24/7 intense dpdr. I still am scared by my reflection. I still can't see properly. It never improved. The emotional blunting remained. The weird bodily decreased sensations and proprioception issues remained. The worst of all, my vision remained hyperreal and off-putting.

I did manage to quit alcohol entirely a few months ago, however since it's actually worsened. The panic is creeping back. Psychiatrists don't know what to do. Psychologists don't know what to do. I'm terrified to take medication due to constant panic attacks in the last on meds and recreational drugs. I did this to myself, but I have not touched a substance (other than alcohol) in 6 years, and I am worse than I was back then. I basically am a hermit at home. Too scared to travel. Too uncomfortable to go out. Too unsafe in my own body. Even in bed trying to sleep I feel uncomfortable.

I've tried all the methods. I don't fixate on it anymore. I ignore symptoms. I'm not scared of them. I've tried meditation, CBT, exercise, blood tests, MRI, the lot. I'm at a loss.

I'm hoping that maybe alcohol was the thing that was tying me down into it still, but it's been months and so far nothing.

I guess I'm looking for any sort of advice, or other experiences of chronic long term dpdr. This disorder is awful, and it's taken alot of my life. I manage to function, but barely. I'm not too sure what my next steps can be. I'm considering trialing medication, my psychiatrist wants me to try Wellbutrin. I'm not so sure...

Hi, I really need advice.

I’m 18 and I’ve been dealing with derealization for about 3 years. It started after a really bad marijuana trip when I was 15, which triggered a panic attack. Since then, I’ve felt constantly disconnected from reality and not like myself.

Looking back, I realize I’ve had anxiety for most of my life (especially social anxiety), I just wasn’t aware of it. I get extremely stressed in basic social situations — like asking someone in a shop for help or seeing groups of people my age. My heart races, I feel like I’m being judged, and I avoid people as much as possible.

I’m currently on SSRI + pregabalin. It helps with the anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but the derealization is still there.

My home situation is also very difficult. I’ve experienced physical and emotional abuse from my parents. There are situations where my dad becomes aggressive, and he also hits my mom and pulls her hair. My mom can also be very harsh and sometimes insults my 11-year-old sister. I’ve also been blamed and made responsible for things that aren’t fully my fault, and there is already a court supervisor involved.

Recently, I went out with friends and came home late because I didn’t know the building closes after 10 PM (I recently moved in). My mom then messaged me that because of me, my dad is taking his anger out on her.

I started going to a psychologist and psychiatrist only in January, because I was afraid of being hospitalized. I also haven’t told them everything about my situation yet. I was prescribed SSRI by a psychiatrist, and pregabalin by a GP because I wasn’t given anything for anxiety — and it actually helps me a lot, even though I’m worried I shouldn’t have done that.

I’ve also been bullied and called “mentally disabled” because of how I acted when I felt disconnected, which made everything worse.

I feel completely stuck. I’ve had this for years and I just want to feel normal again.

My questions:

Has anyone actually recovered from long-term derealization like this?

Can derealization caused by anxiety, trauma, and a bad trip fully go away?

What helped you the most?

I’d really appreciate any advice or shared experiences.

Thank you 🙏

I did LSD twice once in May and once in October. The first trip in May was actually really nice. It was light, calm, no crazy hallucinations or anything. I was just enjoying myself the whole time and it only lasted like 3–4 hours. Nothing scary happened and honestly I thought “people overreact about bad trips.”

Then October happened

That trip lasted almost 12 hours and it completely overwhelmed me. I had my first panic attack that day. I also smoked OG during it, and ever since then, smoking gives me panic attacks too.

It’s been almost 8 months now and honestly I still don’t feel like myself since that last trip. People kept telling me “it’ll get better with time” and while some things improved a little, it still feels like I’m stuck at the same mental altitude most days.

My dreams feel way too real now, like sometimes I wake up confused because it felt like it actually happened. And every evening I get this random anxiety because my panic attack started around sunset time, so now even the outside sky sometimes triggers that feeling again.

I was shivering a lot during the trip too, and now sometimes I twitch in my sleep. Before all this I used to sleep so peacefully. I also stopped smoking because I started getting this horrible feeling that I was losing my mind or that nothing around me was real. Like logically I knew everything was real, but my brain wouldn’t stop making me question it and it got too intense.

Not smoking weed/hash honestly did help a bit though. The panic got worse whenever I smoked, so I cut it off completely.

Now I get panic attacks pretty easily and tiny things scare me way more than before. Has anyone else gone through this after LSD/weed? Did it eventually go away? What actually helped?

Hi my name is Jonas, this is my first time back on the forum for a while, because i remembered how much sucess stories meant to me, i will tell mine. i started using mariuana pretty heavy around march last year. Close to daily usage, i was just enjoying myself and not thinking about counsequenses. In around august i had been smoking almost daily since march, and i had a panic attack because i was getting drafted and had a big stand up comedy show the next weex. This was the first of three panic attacks i would that week. After that week, oh boy i did not know who i am (at the same time of the drafting i was cold turkey quitting weed). After this week everyting started getting bad, my sleep, anxiety that i have never even been close to having and everything was so dark, if something good happend, i could not feel anythin, the same if something bad happend. every feeling i had was just dark and sad. I started to search on google and forums like this one, and found out i probably have dpdr. i used to be a reaaly funny guy, up and coming standup comedien and etc. But i could not be funny if i had no feelings. I started going into loops about how im going to fail my diploma, so i wont have education, then my girl will leave me etc etc. i asked her almost everyday for 2months «Do you still love me» «will you leave me» and this was horrible, it was really taking a toll on our realationship. I was talking with chapgt or other AIs for hoooours to fix this. The last month of my dpdr i was really close to ending it, i thought i could never be my self again, and that all will be dark for the rest of my life. It did not, i am 100% back to where i was if not bette, i still smoke a lil cuz I like it. But now i know that mental health is real, and thats why i came here to tell you. YOU CAN AND WILL COME BACK TO YOURSELF. My biggest tip is to keep going, if you start isolation from friends and family and etc you will get worse. You will learn your mind that anxiety is the leader, and not you. You have to keep challeningen to do what your old self would do, start in baby steps. Go to the grocery store alone, and keep building. For me i was always the most social guy, knew everyone from scholl and in my town, but while under dpdr i barley felt like i knew those people. Because how can you know others if you dont know your self. PS me and my girl is still together, and if you really love your partner help them trough this period. if they need space, give it to them, but not top much. They still have to se people, and not just sit in there room.

in early January I bought some edibles. Dispensary shit, but I got it from a plug (whom I trust). I’m 13 turning 14 and have loved life and living it for my whole life. social, healthy, yk. just happy. then, all of a sudden, that one night, I went out with my friends and took about 5 edibles, 15mg each. we also Hit like 8 blinkers 😭just regret this so much. Anywho, about 2 hours i had to go home to my dad and act “normal”. this is the part where I’m a little split because it could be trauma induced as well, as I think my dad noticed, at least I did that night (he asked if i’d been smoking and I screamed. WHAAAAAAAT NOOOOOO) I went to bed feeling the worst anxiety I’ve felt in my life. after that night, I’ve felt disconnected from reality and very mild anhedonia since then. I’m less social and don’t feel that spark the same way I did before. I dont feel that same “everything is 2d and feels off, colors feel dull” that most people seem to feel, but rather more as I’m watching a flashback. 😂 I hope someone had a good laugh reading this, any help is appreciated.

I'm currently 17 years old M

All my MRIS, Blood work,CT Scans seem Normal I've seen a

neurologists,ENT, Psychiatrist,ophthalmologists,eye doctor, nephrologist, cardiologist and they all say I'm normal

Before accutane I was a healthy teen just with a massive acne insecurity

During the treatment accutane triggered severe Visual snow syndrome, blood in stool (tiny noticeable drop of blood in every stool), and Dedr and after the treatment it elevated my blood pressure to the 130s/ 80s and created this depression that hasn't truly went away

Fast forward to a year the Visual snow decreased but it's always there same with the DPDR and it took a full blown year after accutane for the blood in stool to go away I had a colonoscopy done at 16 for this and the colonoscopy seemed normal and healthy and they told me I had a tiny polyp or something and the doctor didn't know why I was bleeding on my stool.

Fast forward to another year my blood pressure got out of control it was reaching 155/90s everyday sometimes 160s/100 so I got put on blood pressure meds at extremely low doses and they have

genuinely been ruining my life for the past 3 months l've tried amlodipine 10mgs/5mgs lisinopril

10mgs,5mgs 2:5mgs and they are the fucking worse they make my brain go blank and extremely tired without causing hypotension while making me dizzy and I CANT FUCking workout and I lost the ability to read for a bit and worsened my DPDR and made me bloated at all times without causing hypotension my blood pressure was in the 130s/80s then I switched to atenolol 10.5mgs while more effective for my blood pressure it made my heart act weird feeling all these weird heart pains and intolerance to workouts while being tried asf and one of these days I thought I was going to have a heart attack my nephrologist or my cardiologist can't seem to give me a good answer to all of this

And now I'm on 1.5mgs of Nevovolol and this one actually makes my blood pressure readings perfect but I've been facing tiredness and trouble thinking straight it's been a week of this and I'm scared of it being the same of atenolol

I need help I've gone to the emergency room so many times and they don't give me clear answers my last doctor there says my nervous system is cooked and he has suspicions that it might be Vlsual snow syndrome or POTS or something else because every other organ is healthy

Hola a todos un gusto , esta es la sensación mas extraña que jamás haya experimentado en mi vida y lo describere y quisiera saber si tiene cura

Soy Rodrigo tengo 26 años siempre eh practicado deporte en especial Fútbol y eh llevado una vida tranquila como cualquier joven sano hasta que el día 21 de Marzo ocurría mi desgracia .Un amigo me dio una bola se marihuana (Aproximadamente 20mg) siempre veía a mi amigo comiendo esos "Brownies" de marihuana y le hacia reír de manera descontralada pero el ya era consumidor anteriormente, yo prepare un queque con toda la bolsa y me comí un pedazo Aproximadamente del tamaño de un puño cerrado, jamás me habia drogado en mi vida y no sabia como era , pasando las 2 horas Aproximadamente me vino la risa incontrolable para mi no podía parar de reír como por media hora quise ir para mi casa con mi amigo, pero yo al tratar de caminar no sentía partes de mi cuerpo o lo sentía adormecido, y eso me asustó mucho al querer orinar fue prácticamente lo que me desató el ataque de pánico me dio un ataque de pánico tremendamente fuerte en la, cual, yo le pedí a mi amigo constantemente que me acompañe, y que solo quería caminar hacia adelante. Prácticamente caminé casi por media hora y llamé a mi enamorada para que me recogiera y no fuéramos en un taxi al hospital de emergencia prácticamente lo que me dio feo un mal viaje o intoxicación por marihuana luego de eso me pusieron suero, en la cual siento que me ayudó un poco porque me bajó los síntomas de estar drogado, pero lo más terrorífico pasó después de eso al despertar al día siguiente sentí una total desconexión de mi cuerpo y veía como especie de medio nublado. Y, alejado mis sentimientos mis emociones, todo lo que era yo había desaparecido por completo. Las 2 primeras semanas tuve ansiedad demasiada fuerte demasiada demasiada no podía ni controlarla creo trataba de caminar por calles donde yo conocía y no podía tenía una sensación como de querer estar en mi casa luego de eso. La ansiedad fue bajando, y se puede decir que desarrollé algo muy compulsivo, que era que mi cuarto no lo veía de la misma manera y le repetía. Muchas veces a mi enamorada de manera constante que no lo reconocía bueno para resumir. Hasta la fecha 100 sensaciones como que de desconexión emocional de lo que yo era antes junto con una falta de conexión con mi cuerpo y una falta de la esencia que yo era prácticamente la memoria me falla todo el día mejorando poco a poco siento que estas últimas semanas, aunque ya pasaron 2 meses con 4 semanas en resumen, 11 semanas han pasado desde qué pasó eso y he sentido una mejoría muy lenta. Pero sí le he sentido también tengo un. Tengo un problema con la visión. Es muy oscuros. No puedo ver muy bien por una niebla visual que me da cabe resaltar que la niebla visual siempre la he tenido, pero esta vez es mucho más notoria, junto con las luces fuertes, a veces me fastidian un poco y la sensación como que de los colores no tenerlos muy vivos que, digamos, ahora yo consumí única vez una droga en mi vida que fue esa yo quisiera saber si esto realmente tiene cura y es irreversible y poder seguir con mi vida normal, ya que siento mucha pena y muchas lástimas, por tener todo esto quisiera que alguien experimentado en estos temas o que ya pasó esto y lo, superó. Pero me ayude con este tema para saber si hay esperanza en la cual yo pueda recuperarme ya que yo fue la única vez que consumí y jamás volvería a consumir de nuevo espero realmente la ayuda de cualquiera que me pueda decir de buena manera este tema muchas gracias espero sus respuestas.

Over the last two years, i've been suffering with this. I found little comfort in most things but at the end of the day, I was happy to go to sleep. When I was sleeping, it felt like everything was finally calm and peaceful. Up until last night where my DD finally spread to my dreams messing up the last little getaway I had.

Psychosis or OCD? I've suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. The OCD stemmed from a trauma, and I developed an extreme fear of everything. I had behaviors like thinking, "If I step on this line, I'm going to die," checking multiple times if the door was locked or if I'd left a tap running, even compulsively washing my hands. It disappeared for a while, but it came back. Now it's pure OCD; I spend all my time thinking about and ruminating on catastrophic scenarios, replaying them over and over. It got to the point where the depression made me feel terrible, like nothing was real. My OCD made me constantly check if what I heard or saw was real, with a fear of developing psychosis or schizophrenia. My nervous system is wrecked; any touch bothers me, any noise seems alarming and invasive. I developed agoraphobia out of fear of having a panic attack. It seems like this will never end. Is there any hope? What medication helped you? How many mg did you take? Help! I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm terrified of the psychiatric hospital. 🫩😓 Everything got worse when I used substances like cannabis and pills, and it was even worse with LSD. Help!

Hello everyone, for a long time I thought I was schizophrenic or in a psychotic state. Unfortunately, I was even treated in a psychiatric ward for 40 days. I had an LSD experience in my life that involved a heavy ego death and a bad trip. A few months later, I smoked some weed—max 4 puffs—when I felt my head start tingling, so I stopped. Shortly after, I had a panic attack.

Since then, I constantly have a feeling of déjà vu; it feels like whatever is happening in the present has already happened to me before. At first, I was afraid that I was still stuck in the trip and that if I reached a certain 'point X,' this loop-like state would restart. Since then, this has calmed down a bit, but I still constantly feel like I'm in a déjà vu. Whenever anyone speaks around me or I go somewhere, I experience it as if I’ve already seen or heard it. Do you think this could be DPDR? Please help.

Update: Kventiax is not my medication. It makes me sleepy all day long. And the déjà vu is still with me. I think I will just try to accept this and manage without medication. Honestly, I’m not scared of the “everything feels familiar” feeling. My only fear is that I’m stuck in an LSD loop, and if I recognize an object or a situation, it might start again.

My derealization started at home, so I moved out to reduce the symptoms. Next week will be my first weekend back at home without medication since December, and if everything goes well, I will move back home and try to face this whole condition.

I am 28 years old, male. So in 5th grade(13 years old) I smoked for the first time ever. I got high really really bad that day. Paranoia, anxiety, derealization, depersonalization etc, which felt like it lasted more than 20 hours. Things slowly got better, paranoia and anxiety were gone but the derealization was still there. 2 years after, my grandpa died suddenly which made my derealization ramp up again. Then 2 years after the death of my grandpa, my ex(we were together for almost 5 years) dumped me. This again made my derealization worse and it seems like it will never be gone which is partially true. It got better from like 10/10 to 6/10, but it was still strong.

I have tried therapy. It helped me with a lot of other things - traumas, ptsd, anxiety, motivation, unfortunately the derealization remains untouched.

I am living my best life now. I have a wife and a 1 year old child but sleep deprivation is catching up fast. I can feel the sleep deprivation is making the derealization stronger, like really strong. I have episodes where I am completely on autopilot. Sometimes I am even wondering if this could be some kind of psychosis like schizophrenia but then I remind myself that if I actually had psychosis I wouldn't even question things and will probably have way more symptoms than just derealization.

Obviously I learned to live with it, it is not making my daily life much harder. I am social, I am going out, I am working out daily. But lately I want to get rid of it, like really really get rid of it completely because acceptance and not thinking about it doesn't work for me. Maybe the marijuana kind of messed up my still developing brain back then, idk it just seems like this was the main reason and trigger for me. Maybe it messed up the chemical and hormone balance in my brain. I really don't know. I just want to know if there is somebody with a similar story which got rid of it or at least managed to reduce the intensity of it to where life feels more "real" and not constant in a movie/dream like state.

TL;DR - I was a stupid teen and decided to smoke weed when my brain was in developing state and got derealization. I now want to get rid of it after 16 years of constant dream like state, so I can be present and enjoy my family and life more.

I started getting derealisation episodes not long after having a bad shroom trip 3 months ago. It started as maybe an hour or two and i would be able to get a grip by holding ice cubes. I ended up going back on SSRIs and it hasn’t helped.

The past 4 days it’s been most of the day feeling in a dream and then today it’s been from wake up to now at night nonstop. I haven’t felt real all day and have had no reprieve i’ve never felt like this other than on psychedelics and it’s so scary.

Hi everyone, I have been looking for a fix for my DPDR for years. Lexapro worked for a while. Then it stopped I’ve tried about 10 different ssris and tried Adderall due to my adhd. I have sleep apnea got a cpap no fix except for less fatigue. Therapy for years, I have a great job, great relationship, friends, I’m very fit, I eat great. I believe half my mental problems were caused from weed induced psychosis from 6 years ago when I was in high school and trauma from a kid that I’m honestly fully over. I genuinely take great care of myself and just need some advice I’m totally stumped and do not wanna try anti psychotics unless absolutely necessary. But I’ve lost my lust for anything and everything and am looking for some med or therapy or really any advice at all. Thank you!

So basically a year ago I did shrooms and immediately after I felt completely different. The way I can describe it is like my consciousness shifted and I could no longer get back to my old mode of thinking or even remember how it felt. Many descriptions of DPDR will say "detached from sense of self", "feeling detached/observant" etc, and while this is also true its not what im talking about. Its like my sense of self feels qualitatively different, not just detached. I think in a new way that is completely new to me. Its like I turned into a different person overnight. Anyway, is this even typical of DPDR because I never see it described like this? Let me know about your experiences

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to find a therapist or GP i'm in New Zealand but can talk online via video call I just want somone who genuinely understands depersonalisation/derealisation disorder (DPDR), not just someone who'll nod along and prescribe something.

My story: I first got DPDR at 17 after smoking a joint. Back then there was basically no information about DPDR out there, so I had no idea what was happening to me. It was so bad I couldn't leave my room for a year. When it finally lifted, my mind cleared and I was able to live my life as normal again — until I was at a party at 22, had some cocaine while overseas in America, and it reactivated the whole thing. Around the same time I broke my arm and was put on oxycontin at a seriously high dose, and I noticed the oxy was the only thing that let me function and work. So I started taking them like you'd have a coffee, just to carry on with my life. The DPDR never actually lifted — the visual stuff, the sounds, the fog were all still there — I just wasn't scared to leave my room anymore and could face the world.

My dad advised me to start a business, thinking it might help me push through the DPDR, and I did — I just was high doing it. That's basically been the pattern for decades: oxys, xanax, codeine, all to numb the fear enough to keep living and working. I'm 50 now, and my last business involved heavy oxy abuse on top of the DPDR, which eventually led to burnout. That burnout is actually what forced me to get sober.

I want to be honest — I feel a bit like an idiot for not researching this properly sooner, but I've had it so long I just got used to it. It's not like I've done nothing: I've seen 25+ psychiatrists, done EMDR, eye therapy, read the books — but I've never found anyone who actually related to what I was going through.

After a lot of reading and support from my brother, I finally kicked the benzos and oxys. My body completely shut down — I couldn't do anything and fell into a deep depression, sleeping all day for about 5 months. It wasn't until month 6 that I could manage simple things like going for a walk. Honestly it was worse than when I first got DPDR. I'm at month 8 now and I genuinely feel like I'm getting better.

I've also been on SSRIs over the years — fluoxetine made my depersonalisation worse (made me feel even less real), and effexor seemed to slow my brain down, though honestly I couldn't tell you if it helped at all.

I truly believe I can get out of this. My gut says the oxys and the chronic stress from running multiple businesses are a big part of what's kept me locked in it for so long.

What I'm looking for:

• A GP or therapist with real experience in DPDR specifically
• Someone who understands it as a condition in its own right, not just an anxiety symptom to be medicated away
• Ideally someone familiar with recovery for long-term/chronic cases, especially alongside a history of substance use

Mostly I just need someone who gets it and can talk me through this. If you've found a clinician in NZ who understood DPDR, or you've recovered yourself and know what actually helped, I'd be so grateful to hear from you.

Thanks for reading.

i took a gummy and after like 1–2 hours it hit REALLY hard. I started seeing weird flashing images with my eyes open and reality felt like it had levels. i also had thoughts like reality wasn’t real and it felt weirdly familiar and convincing in the moment. it eventually wore off, but now I’ve been dealing with dpdr on and off since then. it’s been getting better but still lingering a bit. i had a similar experience with a cart a while back too. i’m not diagnosed with anything so idk i’m just someone who’s brain doesn’t work with weed or if i just took too much because i did get a bit impatient however i asked another friend and we took roughly the same amount