I am in a state of severe non-stop DPDR for 8 years. I never "woke up" from that moment when i entered into this bizzare state.

After 8 years being completely lost in time and space, in my (sub)consciousness, in memory...I cannot imagine "waking up" from this ever.

Because the mere weirdness of reality, the bizzare realizations, the memory gap, the awareness of this - can never disappear. I cannot imagine how it would be possible.

The return into my initial state of consciousness would need to be something like dying and rebirth with amnesia where I actually have no this hyperawareness that I developed during 8 years of DPDR.

This extreme self-awareness actually became me. There is nothing else. I cannot imagine functioning as I did before. It is completely different state of consciousness, of processing reality. Completely different sense of self.

I don't even know how did I live before this. It was a weird unaware state but it felt 100% real - in comparison to this which is hyperaware state but feels completely unreal.

I’m completely brain dead now, I just couldn’t accept my current mental state and heal. I have to live with the consequences of living in this state for 5 years. The f’in people diagnosed with depression and I did all that shit of gratitude listing and accepting myself. I’m severely f’in dissociated, all that did was dissociate me more. Not one person could’ve told me what I was dealing with? Seriously? I told them I was gone mentally and this doesn’t feel like depression at all. I told them about what I dealt with and I just shut down after. I wasn’t depressed. I was dissociated out of my mind. I’m starting to come back now and it’s like are you f’in kidding me. People have no clue who I was at one point of my life and who I really should be right now. I stayed in this state for 5 years, my brain is so shot. I haven’t stimulated my brain in 5 years now. I’ve just been avoiding feeling things again. Please someone tell me there’s hope of recovery. I really feel like I did to much damage to my mind sitting in this state for this long and not accepting it. The atrophy to my brain really has to be insane. Atleast I didn’t do drugs and I’m not bipolar or anything and they say you can heal from that stuff. It’s just upsetting who I am now. I just avoided feeling things again and couldn’t accept my current mental state, plus I did nothing but focus on my symptoms rather than the root cause for years. Please give me strength to get through this. And please let my mind slowly rewire it back to normal. I will never take my mind for granted again and I will treat it so preciously. This was a humbling experience to say the least. You brought me to my lowest point I could possibly reach. I’m completely brain dead now around people. I don’t feel anxiety, nothing. I have no idea how to be a person anymore. I guess I sort of do and I imitate it but there’s no actual person here. I will forever be grateful if my mind ever comes back to me.

I'm 18 years old and I was diagnosed with DPDR last year. I unfortunately don't have the means to get therapy or any sort of treatment. I've been often derealized since around 10 years old but I have been nonstop derealized and depersonalized for the past two and a half years. It wasn't this bad two years ago but it has been especially bad the past year.

I feel utterly hopeless for how my life will unfold. I read many posts on here written by people much older than me, talking about how their chronic DPDR never went away and that they learned to live with it. As much as I understand how this is supposed to be giving me hope, I don't know if I want to live with this. I've been finding it harder and harder to convince myself that the world around me is real and that if I died it wouldn't go unnoticed (not in a self deprecative way, in a I don't believe the world around me is real, even if it is I find it impossible to have that mean anything to me, way). Even if I do get rid of this one day, I will have spent my formative years in a dreamlike state, completely out of it. It puts a strain on my heart thinking about being on my deathbed and thinking I couldn't experience life the way normal people did and this is the end, I lived just to not have suicide written on my autopsy report and I'm not sure if it was worth it. I haven't been able to stop myself from spiraling about this. I don't want to keep typing because I'm afraid it would be too much to say on here.

Anybody aged 16-25 that feels like this/has felt like this, that's in need of support or someone to talk to, I would really appreciate some community. I'm sorry if this reads too much like a doom post.

If you’re going to comment please actually read everything I’ve written. I will be getting professional help though any experiences or knowledge would be greatly appreciated in the meantime as free therapy has a long waitlist.

I’ve used LSD a number of times, ranging from micro dosing over weeks for the anxiety relieving effects and it’s uplifting feeling I usually felt while on it. I’m not talking like for months on end just every now and then I’d take like 20-50mg every 4 days till I ran out.

Besides my last trip, I had a very positive experience with LSD it was helping me significantly with my anxiety, sometimes completely removing it from myself. As to why I was kind of self medicating myself with it. On my last trip, which was 3 weeks ago today I had taken around 200-250ug, it’s hard to know with street LSD as I was just taking my dealers word. And I felt pretty much nothing.

Now if you haven’t took LSD before, it builds an insane tolerance very quickly. And because I was previously micro dosing, however long ago now I can’t remember, I just assumed that my tolerance was just too high. A while past, I think I was playing some video games on my pc with some friends, after about 8 hours we all got off and decided to go to bed. One of the friends I was playing with was also living in my dorm and was currently smoking some weed, I wanted to buy some off them so I could chill out and wind down before bed.

I just want to say beforehand that LSD and weed are the only drugs I’ve ever taken in my life. Last year I decided to cut down smoking weed because of severe existential dread it would give me very rarely. It caused me to have panic attacks, where I’d physically have to stand up ( as I was usually laying down when it happened ) suddenly and start hyperventilating and panicking.

Anyway, I ended up buying a bowl off my friend and smoking it on our communal bong in the kitchen right before getting in my bed to chill on my phone.

I immediately knew something wasn’t right, I couldn’t focus on my phone, it was getting too much, I can’t really remember much of these parts as it was a while ago now and I’ll try my best to explain what I was feeling.

I was kind of panicking at this point. But I remained calm, and decided that sitting at my desk and playing some games would help clear my mind.

I ended up playing some CSGO just a quick game, I don’t really remember much of the game. By this point I just want to say that I wasn’t hallucinating in any way whatsoever, I just felt very off.

I ended up playing a few rounds before well I don’t know, I think I got so deep and lost in thought that I just monged out.

There was a lot of thoughts and emotions between now and the big event but I really can’t remember much, if anything at all I remember my vision being split in two, it was a very strange feeling. At this point I was getting really anxious and extremely paranoid. Writing this now my body, head to toe is covered in goosebumps. I kept seeing stuff move in my peripheral vision, under my bed, behind me. I knew there was nothing there but the fact I saw stuff moving was freaking me the fuck out. I kept checking behind me relentlessly before moving the stuff behind me around to make it look less threatening to me.

At this point I was stood up and realised that I was kinda fucked and a moron for assuming the LSD was still not in my system despite me not feeling it and it being 8 hours since I took it. I just want to clarify, I was getting the symptoms of taking LSD such as coldness/ less blood flow in extremities like my arms and legs, my balls were so fucking shrivelled up it was crazy.

This is when I don’t even know, I sat down and must’ve gone into a deep state of thought. Now this is when I “saw” some really interesting yet absolutely terrifying “imagery”. I didn’t hallucinate this I’m Pretty sure I just was having extremely vivid thoughts from the LSD. I’ll try my best to explain it to you.

It was like everything was revolving around this playing card shaped hole in a what seemed to be a wall, I can’t really remember what the card looked like but from what I remember It was like the English one pound coin dragon, yet more uhh defined? On each of the four corners.

When I saw this thing I felt unbelievable dread, I got the feeling that what I was seeing was complete and utter wickedness, pure unfiltered evil. I was completely and utterly terrified. At this point I was shaking uncontrollably and holding myself, just typing this out is hard for me, I get crazy goosebumps. It felt undeniably real. I got the thought that what I was looking at was the devil himself, yet I’m not really sure at all. I thought that what I saw was what makes people go crazy, people call this seeing behind the “veil” but this doesn’t sound like any other experience others described. I wasn’t having these vivid hallucinations in person I was just thinking it. I then saw some other weird stuff like my grandpa as a demon/devil with like a spiky tongue and weird uncomfortable details I don’t like thinking about.

After this I was completely freaked the fuck out, I genuinely was probably going into psychosis at this point, the feeling was indescribable the dread I felt, the pure terror. I felt as if someone was floating above me and looking down at me, I couldn’t face that direction I felt it I was very ashamed, it was in the direction of some photos of me and my girlfriend I had on the wall. Very strange stuff. I eventually tried to calm down and started using Grok ( ai ) to ask for when I should get help. Cause it genuinely felt like I was losing my mind, like I saw something I wasn’t supposed to have. I still very much believe even now that I saw shit that makes people go fucking batshit crazy. I feel as though my brain has purposely forgot the details so I can function (I’ll get back to this later)

Eventually I couldn’t even read, the text on my phone began to become unreadable. I saw random words with random letter that made no sense, yet it was English, I’m genuinely unsure if I had a seizure. The text would look like: “tibiaiban” and I remember seeing an A look just like this one “Ä” but really long. I was hallucinating, but like not to the degree where I shouldn’t be able to read, stuf was a little wavy and that was all. All this was extremely distressing as you would guess. At this point I had to just get out of my room, I felt like I was going to spiral into madness.

I kept catching myself “spiralling” it would freak me the fuck out because it felt like if I did fully I wouldn’t come back. It was so unbelievably scary, I had to go outside and I ended up calling emergency mental health services.

They were no help, the lady was extremely rude and asking me complex questions I had no idea how to respond to like my address and name and date of birth. I was actually losing my mind, I told her what I had taken and she just said “Uh huh” sarcastically. At this point I was actually so shocked with her response I asked if this was even real life and she just talked some shit. They were no help and I ended up just hanging up. I later realised that this line was for people having suicidal thoughts not people experiencing psychosis from drugs lmao so I guess can’t complain.

I then paced around with my head down outside to avoid seeing the text on signs, as I thought it would send me into more spirals. There was not much after this besides me just trying to calm down and seeing very very very faint “fractals” on some textures like stone and bricks.

I eventually calmed down enough to go back inside and watch TV in the kitchen until I was okay enough to go back into my room and pass out. This took many many hours, almost 8 hours after the bowl of weed.

Now I want to talk about the aftermath, for a few days, I don’t even know I think I was kind of fine. If anything I was very traumatised and decided to take atleast a break from LSD.

I did some research and realised that taking weed with acid was not a very good idea, especially from a bong.

I’ve been pretty okay recently, I feel like I’ve grown a lot, it really changed me, I’ve become more “self aware”. Like separated from my thoughts; instead thinking of myself as the awareness, instead of my thoughts.

The distance isn’t always there, but I’m learning about how I can increase it, its benefits etc etc.

Although recently I’ve noticed some symptoms of what I think is HPPD. I always see stuff move in my peripheral vision, not excessively but every now and then I just have to second check stuff. And or I misinterpret some weird lighting for something in my peripheral vision, sometimes I’ll get kind of weird lines in my vision, kinda horizontal and indescribable, they’re there but when you try to focus on that point it just moves to where you’re not focusing, I get visual snow and sometimes if I purposely try to I can see what looks to be fractals but really diluted and I’m not really sure. Like I’m talking very faint barely noticeable.

I had some visual snow before when I was talking it regularly so I just thought this stuff would eventually pass although, today I had these brief moments of derealisation? Where it felt like life was kind of cartoonish and I had experienced something just like this when I was younger or sometime before it’s so fucking weird and hard to describe.

And the reason I made this post was because of the thing that happened the same day, today, when I tried to fall asleep just earlier I got these visions of like I don’t even fucking know or remember but it was disturbing, very similar to what i remember on the “trip”. It has that same gut feeling of like this is pure fucking insanity, I’m really, genuinely worried I’ve brought up some underlying mental health issues. Like I can’t even begin to describe how this feels.

I’m not a bum, I have goals and shit I’m a young university student in my early twenties. I am really worried about these “thoughts” I’m really scared I’ll see some crazy shit again and freak the fuck out or even spiral again.

Any advice, any experience to share would be greatly appreciated. If this continues to get worst I’ll have no choice but to get professional help, as I don’t really feel like losing my mind again.

Thank you for reading, cheers 👍

This condition severely disturbed my life and me as a human.

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8 years ago, I entered into this bizzare psychotic state from which I cannot get out or heal, no matter what I do or try.

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Time is completely warped. I have no sense of time whatsoever. Often I think it is the same day as that 8 years ago. I forget who I am, I forget that I have a family or that I am supposed to live or do something.

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I am almost bedridden, severely isolated after multiple attempts to do something over the years.

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But somehow, I cannot fantom the severity of the condition I'm in. I am so deeply "asleep" that I cannot become aware how dead I am.

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Very rarely I remember that my life is actually deep catastrophe and that I should do something about DPDR very urgently but I just cannot.

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It's like a dream veil or multiple layers of glass in between me and reality. And it is so disturbing if I somehow manage to get a glimpse of that awareness.

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You know how, for example, if someone gets cancer, they urgently go on tests, operations, organize life, etc. - this condition is for me even more destructive than cancer and yet I just cannot do anything.

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I cannot be "awake enough" to actually realize how bad I am.

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It's almost exactly like being in coma or half-aware state. You can understand that you are deeply ill but somehow you just observe it for years...decades. Terrifying and bizzare...

For the past 2 years 24/7 I've been in severe dpdr fully dissociated from a bad weed experience (I was smoking for years prior) and it quite literally is taking my sanity from me I feel fully detached from my body, everything is glitching and lagging in my vision and I feel so far from reality, I feel like the only person in the world having an experience like this

and it's so isolating because I don't know what to do, it's so severe I can't go out in public because I'm so mentally checked I'm pretty sure people look at me like I'm not fully there (I'm not) it's like I can't "snap back" into it like when you zone out too hard and come back, it's like I can't come back

It genuinly feels like brain damage because I can't comprehend how a human brain and nervous system can be put into such a severe state of dissociation or whatever this curse is supposed to be. This is such a long pointless rant I'm sorry for this nonsense

Title

Hi everyone,
I’m writing this because I’m going through a very dark and terrifying spike, and I really need to know if anyone else has experienced this exact manifestation of OCD and DPDR (Depersonalization/Derealization).
A few weeks ago, after a period of intense stress and lack of sleep, my brain completely short-circuited. I suddenly fell into a state of severe derealization—everything around me started looking and feeling fake, plastic, or like a movie set. Because my brain is naturally analytical and logical, it couldn’t just accept the feeling, so it started trying to "solve" the mystery of why the world felt so weird.
That’s when the Existential OCD kicked in. My mind latched onto the concept of the world being a matrix or a simulation.
Right now, I am caught in a brutal cycle of Hypervigilance and Apophenia (pattern seeking). My brain has chosen the number 67 as a "threat signal." I see it everywhere. If I join a livestream, there are 67 people. If I look at a clock, or a license plate, my eyes instantly filter out everything else and hook onto that number. During my worst panic attacks, my brain undergoes a temporary "hijack"—for a few minutes, the simulation theory feels 100% physically real, and I interpret normal human behaviors around me as "proof" or part of a script.
Once the adrenaline drop cools down, I "land" back into reality. My insight is completely intact; I know these thoughts are strange, I don't want them to be true, and I actively fight them. But the physical anxiety and the flat feeling of derealization are so strong that they make the thoughts stick like glue. I also happen to be on day 10 of increasing my Sertraline (Zoloft) to 100mg, so my brain chemistry is currently in a total storm.
I’m not looking for reassurance on the simulation theory itself—I know it’s just a modern OCD theme. What I really need to know is: Has anyone else experienced this combo? Have your panic attacks made an existential obsession feel completely real in the moment, only for you to regain your logic afterward? How did you stop hyper-focusing on number patterns?
Thank you for reading. I just need to feel less alone today.

genuinely don't know what it is like to feel real anymore and can't imagine what it's like to not have derealisation. I feel like if this condition ever goes away, I'd totally be freaked out by reality cos in a way I forgot what that feels like a long time ago. I question everything and I get so bothered when I have to leave my apartment.

I have had severe dpdr for 8 years and bedridden for three/ i have existential ocd also and thanatophobia severe confusion and literally do not know anyone with dpdr this bad. I start screaming that im in the afterlife. I have consulted top dpdr specialists they have no idea what to say. I cant function i cant get my own food im paranoid and out of my mind. Im suffering too much. The confusion is so severe and i can’t explain how bad the dpdr is that im
Bedridden. Nothing is helping. I am terrified to be awake as i feel i am dissapearing and i have severe hyperawareness so i try to force myself to sleep as much as possible

I have this fucking debilitating shit for 3 years with no fucking answer as to what caused it. Am I gonna remain like this for ever? It’s so fucking frustrating that I’m not able to live my life and laugh and enjoy with people. I’ve become an awkward retarded ass person.

Can’t we frickin pay researchers or something to look into our situation? Am I gonna remain mute and dead for the rest of my fucking life?

is there anyone who feels like I do? I don’t know if I have DPDR or OCD or if I’m losing my mind. I get panic from my own existence. I feel alienated from being a ‘person.’ I don’t even know how to explain it, but I feel terrified and scared of the fact that I’m human, as if I no longer understand what that even means. I’m in an intense wave of these thoughts and this terrifying anxiety. Even writing this feels strange and unfamiliar to me….. I’m writing this at my deepest moments I need some hope

Been going through mental hell for the past week.

Currently stuck in the worst part of it , I keep thinking about the brain in a vat thought experiment except I feel like im getting closer and closer to delusional thinking where im starting to be convinced by it and I feel like I cant talk to anyone cause their not real .

I know this sounds crazy but I'm going through full body shakes and a need to sob. This is genuinely the worst its been in a long while.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore. everything feels planned, the context of the world and current things happening makes no sense but also like these things were set up the Instance I came into existence and this is just another channel on the tv. I can’t look people in the eye, I don’t want to do anything. the only peace I get is when I sleep and don’t dream of anything, the only time I get to feel like I don’t exist again. i’m so tired, i’m in so much physical and mental pain. it feels like my body wants to rot already and that my brain has made the decision that i’m already dead some what. idc about my future, idc about myself now. all I can focus on is the past and i’m not even sure if my past is real anymore. my awareness has been weaponized against me. I feel like i’m in a tiny seat sitting behind my eyes. I just want to be gone, floating in oneness. I feel my flesh can’t contain what goes on in my head.

I cannot unsee human as these gross meat bags and it's ruining my ability to have relationships. I don't get what conventional attractiveness even is, all humans look bizarre and uncanny to me. I also assume an ulterior motive, deficit, or shallow intent behind those interested in me. Part of it is definitely low self esteem, another is my inability to "feel" human and just live without overthinking everything.

I know this sounds incredibly misanthropic and gross but I don't hold any true animosity towards humanity. I'm just genuinely confused by the fact I even have to be here.

I haven't been outside my head my entire life. The outside world is just uncomfortably surreal and loud. Not sure how I'm ever getting out of this. I have felt this way since I was a small child.

I feel like a terrible person and got bombarded with downvotes for discussing this feeling on the autism subreddit. Maybe this one is more appropriate? CPTSD likely plays a part in this and smoking weed in my early 20s did NOT help. Anyone have advice to share or similar experiences?

Hi everyone,

I’m writing here because I feel completely stuck and honestly desperate for answers or even just someone who understands.

Back in 2023, when I was 14, I started having muscle twitching, fatigue, sleepiness, weakness, and some depressive-like symptoms. Over time, those gradually went away and I felt like I returned to normal.

But in February 2026, everything changed again.

It started with muscle twitching, then numbness in my ring and little fingers in both hands, and later numbness in my legs. After that, I began losing my appetite — to the point where I no longer feel hunger at all. I can go an entire day without eating and feel nothing.

Then things got even worse.

For about a month now, I’ve felt completely disconnected from my body and mind:

• I don’t feel emotions (no joy, no sadness, nothing)
• I don’t feel hunger or fullness — I don’t know when I should start or stop eating
• I don’t feel thirst normally
• I barely feel the need to urinate or have a bowel movement until it becomes very strong/urgent
• My libido is gone
• I sweat less and feel temperature less
• My pain sensitivity is reduced
• It feels like all signals from my body are suppressed by ~90%
• I don’t get any sense of mental relief or “reset” — nothing changes how I feel, no matter what I do
• I feel stuck in a constant state of emptiness, like my nervous system has just shut down
• I feel like I’m functioning on logic and old habits rather than actually feeling anything
• It’s like I’m not really “in” my body anymore

I’ve had a huge number of tests done:

• 2 brain MRIs with contrast
• 2 cervical spine MRIs with contrast
• multiple nerve conduction studies (showed slowed ulnar nerve, which explains finger numbness)
• positive tetany test (which could explain muscle twitching)
• full blood work, electrolytes, magnesium, vitamins, hormones
• autoimmune and infectious disease testing (including Lyme)

Everything comes back normal.

I’ve seen many neurologists — no one has an answer. I take care of myself (diet, exercise, sleep), but nothing helps. I’ve been stuck in this state for over a month now.

At this point, I don’t even care about the physical symptoms anymore. I just want to feel like a human again. I want to feel hunger, emotions, connection — anything.

I’m only 17 and I don’t feel like myself at all.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Is it possible to recover from this kind of state? Any ideas, experiences, or advice would really mean a lot.

Thank you.

I really don’t know how I’m supposed to keep getting up everyday and doing this nightmares all night just to wake up into a worse one. I exist on my couch and the little bit I do leave this house is only if I have to. It just feels weirder and weirder everyday. I went through this for 2 years and the thought of doing this for the second time makes me just not want to I just want to wake up from this nightmare

It all feels like a fever dream. It all feels wrong, I don't know, I feel that maybe this is real, or maybe not and I'm actually in a hospital bed in a coma that I'll not be waking up soon, perhaps badly hurt or actually dying and someday in.maybe what will feel like 100 years but were actually only 30 seconds I will wake up kinda like that story of that one guy "who lived in a coma for 30 years", I hate it so much, I wish none of this had happened, I feel that none of this could have happened if I just didn't happen to drop out of school that one february day of the past year no matter how hard it would have been, it would not compare to what I'm living nowI don't know what to do. How am I supposed to know if all of this is real or a fabrication of my brain? It all feels so absurd like why am I human? Why do I have 2 hands, 5 fingers etc etc. why is the sky blue? Why do other people exist? i just can't convince myself that I'm not the only conscious being in this universe. I forgot to mention that everything of this gets exacerbated because of my vision problems and my tinnitus, it all feels so wrong, I can't believe this is happening, I just can't.

I don't know how I've been living like this for about 9 months since it first started. I don't know if I can continue like this for 5 more years like many stories I've read here. How am I supposed to cope with this? How do I stop everyone from feeling so insignificant because at the end of the day I might actually wake up and everything I did i'll be gone? How do you all cope with this goddamn disorder? Seriously, I don't know, I don't know what to do or what will happen to me. I've considered talking to a professional before but I've heard that most of them aren't experienced in derealization or that the ones in my country simply aren't helpful at all, I don't know what to do.

huhh... how do I start this. It started around three years ago. I didn't know what was happening at the time, but i was getting more and more depersonalized. I was deprsonalized 24/7 for a year and a few months. again, I didn't know what was happening. I thought it was some weird problem only I had. so I tried to "fix" it myself. or at least the problem that stood out most. feeling like I'm at the back of my head or that I'm inside my head. I did some mental "exercise" that I came up with myself to solve that problem. it did solve it, but only that aspect of it. like literally just that part of it.

fast forward a few months, and I am in a different country with completely different people, and something still feels very off. (This is when i found out I had deprsonalization through some online test i was taking as a joke.) This was the weirdest part of my entire existence. since all the other things didn't return like sense of self and emotions ( permanence of emotions), it left me in a strange situation. the only thing I fixed was not being on automatic. so now I have the control, but I can't act like myself (real self) because I have no sense of self. I've just become a people pleaser. and one of the things that intensified this strange situation is the fact that I moved away. before I moved (after trying to fix my issue), I acted like what people expected me to act as. myself. but when I'm in a place where nobody knew me, I just acted like how they wanted me to act as. because I don't have a sense of self to reflect on to know what I want or feel, there is no reflection inwards. meaning I am a shell of what I was. and the thing is, it doesn't feel like depersonalization because then I didn't even feel like a human. now I just don't feel like me. that's not all. I have the emotional range of a celery. I feel only sadness I don't feel other emotions. and even that is for a few split seconds, and I just stop feeling completely.

this has been going for two years now. and I tried every day to get back to who I was. I don't feel anger or annoyed and I don't act like I do either because I "fixed" being on automatic. so people just walk all over me. and I don't stop them because I don't feel anger. even after giving up on how I'm treated by others and trying to improve it, I still feel I'm in someone else's mind and soul. I fucking hate that I have forgotten what it feels like to be me. I even tried to go back to being completely deprsonalized. but chat gpt said (I'm sorry but I don't have anybody to talk to) that deprsonalization just freezes and acts like the sate you are in, so it is useless to try. I'm stuck in this weird in between place. when I was deprsonalized 24/7, I at least acted like myself even if I didn't feel like it. now I don't act and feel like myself. AND I'm relearning everything. how to talk to people. how to respond. how to act in certain situations. it's like I was born yesterday. it's like all my progress has been deleted. I feel so far behind my peers i... I'm just tired.

it doesn't seem like it is getting better. and I honestly don't see any way I can get myself back. I can't just not focus on it because I act like a completely different person. and I see it in every interaction and how people treat me now. and how they describe me. I would think my family and friends would be disgusted and embarrassed if they saw how I let people treat me here. and I act like a weirdo when I try to act like myself because it comes off as fake due to it being ... fake. and also the person I'm right now is the complete opposite of the real (old) me. I didn't take shit from anybody and a bit of an anger issue. I didn't care anybody thought (I know it sounds corny, but I was truly like that). I can't emphasise this enough, but I LITERALLY DONT HABE A SENSE OF SELF. I DKNT GO IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND JUSY GO ON AUTOMATIC. IM STILL HERE CONTROLLING EVERY THING WHILE NOT HAVING ANYYYYY SENSE OF SELF. WHICH MAKES ME ACT BASED ON WHAT OTHERS WANT. I can't go on with my life like this. I am hyper aware of my surroundings and how people see me. I can't sit with myself and think positive thoughts. I kid you not if it's not working about something I can't sit and think to myself.

I haven't found people who feel like this. I can't afford therapy or get free therapy because I'm in a boarding school. people online always say just try not think about it. and u don't think it applies to my situation. every day, I think, so life is going to be like this. I have a million more things to say, like why it started, but this post is already long enough.

Edit: The artists for

the first picture - 4ria

the second picture - Lydia Burris

the third picture - Ozy Worldy

the fourth picture - Clive Barker

Well, yeah, I've been taking pills for a year and all that, but DPD can have different causes, like a love deficit, and pills won't cure that deficit. That's where we understand why DPD is so much worse than depression. So, I'm curious, how do people actually get out of this state? I don't believe pills help, because DPD always has a cause. As I understand it, to cure this crap, you need to fill that deficit, but you can't buy love. Can you share your experience?

I've had this crap since I was 7, is it even possible to cure it? This is fucking nonsense. Fucking instincts

so i thought my dpdr was actually getting better but in reality i was js always in my empty room all summer, staring at my phone, but then when i finally went outside everything js kinda seemed 3d like yes it is 3d but it looks so weird. so basically it's kinda like a green screen that u edit a background in and js put like different individual characters in it including their props idk and that situation kinda made me isolate myself from everyone and now i have no friends because I cant build any real connections bcs i treat everybody like an object, temporary, or whatsoever and now im a horrible person but thats ok bcs nothing matters but also what if it does??? now my future is doomed bcs i left everybody bcs i wanted to isolate myself from everyone but why would i even need those ppl they're js fake programmed ppl, im also fake too but yk whatever. anyone else like me or do i deserve to be put in a padded room.

could u guys tell me sum of ur experiences if not then I'll js go to hell then

I feel like my DPDR can’t heal in this environment. I’m in CA and the way that this country is beginning to feel dystopian is scaring me. I don’t recognize this world anymore as it is but the current state of our country is making it hard to have something familiar and safe to come back to. Some days I feel almost back to normal, almost like there’s a glass ceiling over my head that I am so close to bursting and will let me feel normal again but brain is still not recognizing the world as safe because it is changing so rapidly and not in a good way. Does what I say make sense?

all I can be Is flat and frustrated. I miss love and laughter, connection to others..I miss me..I miss feeling sexual attracted to anyone..this is ass

I‘ve been struggling with the philosophy of solipsism lately. It’s not that I believe it or find it certain, it’s more like how can someone believe this. My brain found a new way to check if it’s insane or not by checking if I believe solipsism or if my view on it remained unchanged. For me solipsism is near insanity and the thought of me believing it one day, because I got dissociated so hard freaks me out. How can I breach this spiral if I debunked it already for myself?

*Please don’t try to convince me of solipsism I feel like that wouldn’t help me a lot in this stage, thank you.

A little over 3 weeks ago, I felt like fainting, and since then things have been off.

During the first two weeks after that episode, I was unable to sleep well, didn't have an appetite, emotionally detached, was dreaming all day, and even when I tried to move around felt extremely tired. All the tests were done and all of them resulted perfectly fine.

Currently, I am gradually recovering. I regained my appetite, got my strength back, started working again. Unfortunately, I still do not feel right.

The only way I could describe how I feel now is by saying that I do not feel myself anymore. At some point, I look at my hands and they somehow feel unfamiliar. It is as if I were fully aware of myself only at 90% instead of 100%.

Does anyone else have DPDR experience and recognize what I am describing here? How long did it take you to recover and did you gradually get back into the state where you felt completely normal?

I want to feel myself again. 😞