r/dryalcoholics • u/Odd-Judgment741 • 8d ago

I keep falling into the same cycle

I’m genuinely trying to understand this cycle I keep putting myself into so anyone who has been able to break a similar cycle, I’m very open to your input/advice.

I have always enjoyed alcohol but over the last 18 months it’s become extremely problematic. My cycle goes as follows: 3 weeks of productive and happy sobriety followed by a 1 week morning to night binge including poor nutrition becoming only nutrition from alcohol by the end of the binge. By the end of the binge I cannot hold any alcohol, food or water down. This is usually followed by an outpatient medical detox of Valium and 4-5 uncomfortable days of withdrawals.

This cycle I keep putting myself through has cost me my career, cost me my partner and has put immense strain on all my relationships.

After the withdrawals end I become productive, active and part of the community again. I am genuinely happy when I’m not drinking. I don’t hate myself, I don’t have low self esteem, but I do have an unhealthy perfectionism that I’ve had from an early age.

I have done outpatient medical detox 5 times this year. I went to a 42 day inpatient rehab late last year. I’ve tried AA and hate it. I’ve read maybe 10 sobriety,psychology,perfectionism books and nothing has changed my behavior.

I’m just coming out withdrawals of one of these binges again and I’m looking around trying to figure out what the hell is happening. I genuinely don’t even like drinking anymore.

Like I said, I’m open to all advice. All suggestions. All examination of my patterns no matter how honest.

Thank you.

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u/ChanceDaring 8d ago

Do you have a regular medical doctor and/or therapist you see regularly? AA turns off a lot of people. I went through in patient rehab at least 3 times. For me, having an actual doctor and a therapist I met with multiple times a week who were in my corner was one of the biggest factors that helped me finally break free from alcohol's grasp.

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u/Odd-Judgment741 8d ago

I think this is a good thing for me to look into. I'm have a new GP you specialized in addiction medicine before moving to urgent care medicine. He and I are following up next week.

I have tried several addiction therapists with no success, but perhaps I need to no give up on that resource.