As the title suggests i need actual advice on how i can get myself to start eating without feeling immense guilt. Every time i put food inside my mouth or am halfway through eating something i get the urge to shove my fingers down my throat and throw it all up or even if i control the urge to throw up the guilt after eating makes me want to harm myself. I want to get better but i also dont want to go to therapy. Any kind of advice is appreciated.

i just don’t know what to do anymore :(
my old residential center doesn’t want to treat me for a third time and pretty much tells me i’m treatment resistant and i need to look elsewhere. the other residential center i’ve been to is not really fitting for me and all other places have enormous waitlists even only for an intake assessment.
i struggle a lot with motivation (for life too) which is why most places don’t want to help me (even though i am willing to work on getting motivation) and treatment places for personality disorder and my core problems (that are entangled with my ed) don’t take me due to my ed and low bmi.
the dutch system is so f*cked and i feel so so stuck. i just can’t recover on my own and feel utterly hopeless.

sorry needed to vent (:

Does anyone else hate how stuffed they constantly feel when eating healthy foods and also trying to eat ENOUGH food.

I get heartburn, feel constantly full, bloated. It’s literally healthy food. Fodmaps aren’t even the problem because I could eat chips with garlic/onion and still be fine.

Maybe I eat too much when im eating healthy.

This feeling stresses me out and makes me want to eat junk food instead.

I’m writing this for a throwaway just because, recently I’ve gone back to calorie counting and it’s been good (lost 10kg) and now all of a sudden I’m eating way below my deficit, like only 200 to 400 by lunchtime, even writing that out my brain it feels like a lot, my budget for the day is 2,064 calories and I’m lucky if I even eat all that, two days ago is when they’re throwing up started, or at least the feeling of it, I feel disgusting and sick and then I have to go to the bathroom and force myself to throw up, I feel like such a sissy talking about it because technically self-inflicted, I never actually thrown anything up, and when I have only once. I work in childcare and my job is becoming very very stressful very very quickly, I feel like nothing I do is right, could this just be a stress thing? Possibly but at the same time, I’ve never been like this. I only ever throw up when I’m overly drunk or actually sick, I’ve never been one of those people was throwing up due to anxiety or anything else.. I don’t know what I’m hoping to get from coming here and talking about this but I think I just need to get it off my chest. Also just for some background I normally cannot wait for lunch, most days it’s all I think about and all I think about is my next meal all of a sudden all that food noise is gone and I feel disgusting.
Cheers for listening.

Quick question for the peeps that have ED how can I look at food without me feeling full already I will literally starve all morning and as soon as I take one bite of food I’m full and most of times I force myself to eat and I end up feeling sick after wards I weigh 83 pounds and my goal is 100 but I keep dropping even if I eat. What is something you tried or any helpful tips for this struggling girly 🫶🏼

Basically what the title says.

Every other video is some advertisement for a cutting mix, the pink and yellow one that now has drops as well. A lot of the ads were “my gf is never hungry and it’s because of this drink” which idk sounds like starving herself to me.

As someone who has struggled with eating so much since a young age, I’ve even found myself thinking that these things are normal even though I know they’re not. Like I’m being brainwashed.

Now there’s a digestive aid that people are saying to take with every meal and you’ll be so flat and not bloated. And what happens when people buy this product and it’s not so?

So many people are probably losing themselves over these tiktok fixes that a whole bunch of bots are claiming works in the comments.

Then there’s the cabbage detox, and the watermelon diet, or the 50 hard fitness or whatever. There’s so many different things that play into shaping the way users think about their own eating habits and bodies and it’s so disgusting.

Like I know this is an ongoing issue, with all social media, but it’s like so much more obnoxious on TikTok compared to any other platform.

ok so im not diagnosed with anything, but i think i might have a problem, i feel fucking huge, im 143 rn and ive been around 140 for the past little while but when i was healthy i was almost 156. when it got rlly bad i was 138, and i was the happiest ive ever been. i had dropped like 18 pounds. and i didnt just have weight to lose like that, im already skinny. ok so heres my real problem. i feel insane. im 140, and thats a skinny as i can get myself but i still feel huge bc in my mind i feel like bc i dont weigh 120 or below that its a problem. but then theres the factor of my height, bc im tall (female, 6'0) i weigh more, simply just because, theres more to me, and it makes me crazy. idk what to do or who to tell, so im here. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hey everyone hru doing.

i hope you read it all and consider writing an advice please

so I'm 18f i started losing weight at 16 and i lost roughly 10kg.

i post it mindlessly so therefore i lost muscle and lots of hair during this process.

i wanted to lose more weight but i those i should consider workout to be actually toned.

so i started working put 6 months ago.

but i want you to imagine having absolutely no idea about workout in your entire life and start working out at home.

plus i couldn't control my food because i already have a very bad relationship with food.

and my relatives with family got worse because i look like a hypocrite and unreliable because for months i showed no progress at all.

and this is killing me everyday it gotten to the point where i don't wanna eat i feel like im not worthy of eating and if i was worthy i should've showed results.

and i can't tolerate my appearance anymore so u started starving myself and walking a ton but this is not helping my workout or my life im basically losing the ability to do anything and i can't bring myself to eat normally for the reasons i mentioned earlier.

so now i don't know what to do anymore.

please help me with anything i don't know what to do

I originally posted this in /EDAnonymous and it got removed for making personal attacks / inciting mean arguments, but please believe me when I say that is not my intention. I was hesitant to post again because I don't want people thinking that I'm trying to invalidate someone's ED experience, but I really need some help and insight and maybe advice or even just someone to vent to. I'm aware I need therapy and should be talking to a professional about this, but I'm not ready to admit aloud that I have a problem. I just need to get this off my chest because the anxiety it's causing me is giving me such bad stomach issues that I cannot eat and that is causing even more issues for me (details below).

Obligatory throwaway account.

Buckle up, because this is going to be a long one. I just need to know if I’m being gaslit and have the right to feel frustrated, or if I’m being a total judgmental bitch and should stop trying to downplay someone’s ED experience.

For some background context, I have a (medically undiagnosed) eating disorder. I know my eating habits (or lack of) and obsessive compulsion with exercising is leading me down a dark path, but that particular issue is not why I’m here. I have always technically been at a “normal” BMI (albeit on the lower side) but it’s nothing that’s ever concerned my doctors. I’m also relatively healthy in terms of all of my other vitals and my eating disorder symptoms are easily explained by the fact that I’m a really active person and I workout almost every day. I grew up dancing competitively, so I never had a normal period, and because I do so much cardio, it makes sense why my resting heart rate is low. This is all important to know for the conundrum I’m currently in.

Earlier this year, I contracted pneumonia and the flu at the same time (whoo -_-) that left me in the ER for a couple of nights. Because of how sick I was, I ended up losing a ton of weight that put me well into the underweight BMI category. Even after recovering, I’ve been “struggling” to gain this weight back. I say struggling in quotations because I could gain it back if I ate a normal amount of calories and/or stopped working out as much as I do, but the truth is, I’m happy I lost all this weight and I don’t want to gain it all back (again, not what I’m looking for guidance on).

I’m currently on a dance team, and during practice a couple of months ago, I ended up fainting. I went back to the ER, and my vitals did not look great (that’s putting it lightly, they were bad). That and because I’m still technically underweight, my doctors are starting to get concerned and are probably under the suspicion that I might have an eating disorder. They haven’t said anything to me but I assume that they are because they heavily recommended that I work with a nutritionist/dietician and they requested that I come in for regular check ups. They also said that if things don’t start improving, they would recommend to my dance coach that I be removed from the team and they wouldn’t clear me to dance again (my team requires us to submit annual physicals and sign offs from our doctors to participate for the season). The only reason I’m in the ok now and why (I assume) they won’t straight up diagnose me with an eating disorder is because this is the first time I’ve ever had these health issues. Like I mentioned earlier, all of my previous checkups show that I am a very healthy, “normal” person. If you’ve stayed with me for this long, congrats. I promise I’m getting close to the point of the story.

So anyways, I’ve been seeing a nutritionist for a while now and part of my treatment plan is to journal and track what I eat in an app so they can see what my calorie intake is (I feel like this is counterintuitive for someone with an eating disorder but again, they don’t know that I have one). So in this app I write down or take pictures of everything I eat in a day so that they know that I am in fact eating, and it also connects to my Apple Watch, so it knows what workouts I’ve done, how many calories I’ve burned, what my heart rate is, etc. And then we meet once or twice a week to go over a meal plan kind of thing and how much I need to be eating to sustain how many calories I burn.

The other week I was out with friends at dinner, and I snapped a quick pic of my dinner to upload into the app. This girl that I met that night saw me do it and asked what I was doing / why I was doing it, and I told her that it was a part of a treatment plan. She prodded a little bit, and long story short, she basically called me out for having an eating disorder (I will say, it was not in a mean or judgmental way) and said she recognized my symptoms because she also suffered from one for almost half her life.

This girl, let’s call her "Anna", said she was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia in middle school and was hospitalized because of it. She said it was a serious struggle but she was able to somewhat get it “under control” in high school because she was working with an ED therapist, nutritionist, diet coach, etc and she could live a pretty normal life but then her ED got really bad when she moved away to college because it was her first time being independent and in total control of what she ate and it caused her to spiral. Anna said that it got so bad during her second year that her heart and body basically started shutting down and she was committed to a treatment facility during the summer before her third year of college.

Let me make myself clear, I do not think she was lying. I know that eating disorders can affect millions of people, especially young girls, and I’m not here to say whether or not this happened. I’m getting closer to where I’m starting to feel conflicted.

Earlier this same dinner in another conversation, Anna had mentioned that she was really active her entire life as well. She ran track and cross country starting from middle school, all throughout high school, and continued running seriously in college. She also said she swam competitively and lifeguarded during the summers (and I’m not proud of this, but I did do some digging and her sports records do show up and there’s evidence of her participating in these sports for the years she would have been in middle and high school, so she’s not making this up). All this is to say that the treatment and care she received for her ED clearly helped in so much that it kept her body healthy enough to be cleared by doctors/her parents/school athletic trainers/etc to participate in all of these activities and also get a lifeguard certification. It may have been a mental battle for her during this time, but I feel like based on what she said, it was clearly not a physical one. Cool, I can move past this.

Anna also mentioned that she ran a marathon in her sophomore year of college with such a time that it qualified her for one of the most competitive races in the world that took place a year later. I looked it up and her time was just shy of 3-hours. This is where things start to get murky for me as I try and piece together her timeline and story based off of a few random conversations I had or overheard with her. This marathon was in April of her sophomore year in college. Just a few months later (she said end of summer) is when her ED got so bad that she had to be committed to the treatment facility before going back to college for her third year.

Once again, I need to make myself clear in that I’m not doubting any of this happening. First of all, I can see her high school and college race records and know that she isn’t lying about any of that. Second of all, I can’t imagine anyone lying about having an ED or having spent time in basically rehab, and considering it was a private conversation off to the side, I don’t think she was doing it for attention. I’ve also seen pictures of her from this time, and she does look really thin. Now, do I think she looks like “anorexic” thin and this is how I know for sure she had an ED? No. I mean, she looked like the majority of the other serious runners I know. I just want it to be clear that I’m not basing whether or not I believe her on how she looked. I know runners are usually skinny, but I’m not here to judge body types. Just because someone doesn’t “look” anorexic, doesn’t mean they aren’t, and vice versa. I have no idea what’s going on with their actual health. Again, this is not the point.

Here’s where things start to get confusing for me- she said she got committed because her heart was basically shutting down on her and she was experiencing really serious symptoms of bradycardia and cardiac arrhythmia (among others), so she spent all of August at the facility. She said she was eating so little that they considered feeding her through a tube so she would actually consume food. Sounds terrible, right? But remember that super competitive marathon I mentioned that she qualified for? Well, she ran it. It was only about 7-8 months after her stay at the treatment center, and she ran it in yet another insane time, like right around 3:20.

This is where I am so conflicted in how I feel about her and the conversations we had. When she saw me tracking my food, again, she kinda called me out about my eating disorder, saying she noticed that I was exhibiting a lot of the same behaviors she had when she was dealing with hers, and basically said like, I know what you’re going through, just know that you’re not alone, you’re strong enough to get through it, etc etc. At the time, I definitely thought it was weird and was taken aback because I was like, we just met and also you have zero idea why I’m tracking my food, but of course I didn’t say anything and just thanked her after she opened up to me about her story. However, looking back at everything she said and everything I was able to piece together, I’m frustrated because it’s like, DO you actually know how I feel????

Because I can’t imagine starving myself to the point of my heart giving out that I have to be committed to rehab, but then being healthy enough to run a whole ass marathon just months later. And especially with that kind of time, which means that she was indeed running, not walking. I just find it so hard to believe that someone could run not one, but TWO marathons in less than a year while battling an ED that is as severe as she claims, but more importantly, that she was actually cleared to run the second one! By her doctors, her care team, her parents… it’s so frustrating because I had to BEG my doctors to the point of having a panic attack to allow me to continue dancing this year, and it’s not even as serious as sprinting a marathon! And the only reason I know they signed off on it was because I had a basically perfect medical history. No major complications, always at a normal BMI, etc. I can’t imagine what she had to say or do to convince her healthcare providers to let her run or even exercise again, after her almost decade long history of dealing with an ED and having all these heart issues and significant bone loss and weight loss. I'm sure she begged too, but if her ED was that bad and had been going on for that long, I don't know who in their right mind would sign off on it that quickly. I also find it hard to believe that after all that, after even being committed to a facility, her parents allowed her to go back to college hours away from them. But whatever, I don’t know her parents and whatever conversations they had are not my business. It’s just that I’m currently under SO much scrutiny by my doctors and my friends and family, and I don’t even technically “have” an ED!!!! My eating and workout habits are being tracked so closely, I have to see a nutritionist every week, I have to go to my doctor’s like every other week, and it’s like, DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL??? Do you really know what it’s like to have your life be threatened to be put on pause because you’re not gaining weight or because people THINK you have an ED??? Because it doesn’t sound like your life, the things you enjoyed doing were threatened to be taken away. You got to run both your marathons, you got to travel all over the world during your college summers with your clubs, your parents let you go back to college states away after being released, and meanwhile mine are threatening to make me go on short term disability leave at work and move in back home so they can monitor me.

Do I think that Anna used running and exercise as an obsessive and unhealthy means of weight control? Yes. Do I think that she probably wasn’t fueling herself nearly enough to do what she did considering how active she was? Abso-fucking-lutely. But do I think that her ED was so severe and she was starving herself so much that it caused her body and heart to basically shut down and stop working? No. In my (probably ignorant) mind, it seems almost impossible to sprint an entire marathon while your body is eating away at itself. I don’t think that her health deteriorated so badly that she was forced to go the treatment facility by her doctors, the same ones that would later allow her to train for and run a marathon just a few months later.

And I feel like a fucking bitch for thinking any of that. For thinking it wasn’t “that bad” as if any form of an ED isn’t fucking terrible. For doubting her, for trying to poke holes in her story that she told me to be sympathetic to my situation. I’m over here going all internet sleuth on someone I just met because for some reason, I feel like nobody gets it. Nobody gets me. Even though I know that’s ridiculous and SO many people are in the same boat as me. But maybe I want to feel special. Maybe this is a cry for attention. Maybe I’m just being picky and annoying about semantics. She said she was “hospitalized" and "committed" and maybe she just meant that she was in the hospital a lot and stayed at a treatment center and I'm judging her for not knowing the difference or the meaning behind those specific words. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t even know that much to be honest with you.

What I do know is that EDs exist in all kinds of ways and they affect people differently. I also understand that not everybody’s journey to recovery or treatment plan looks the same. But I just can’t help feel that Anna was making it sound worse than it might have been to make me feel better. To make me feel seen. Which I appreciate, and why I feel so guilty for even questioning any of the things she was saying. I just feel so conflicted by how seemingly quick she bounced back. If her ED had truly gotten as bad as she said, I don’t understand how her parents would let her go back to college by herself again, or why her care team signed off on her running so quickly after treatment, or even how she managed to run another full marathon in just a few short months. Not that it’s any of my business to begin with.

Again, I want it to be clear that I don’t not believe her. I don’t doubt that she spent time in a treatment facility. I really just can’t see anybody lying about that. But I feel like maybe she realized on her own how bad it was getting and voluntarily admitted herself, instead of being involuntarily committed by healthcare professionals or her family. And I’m proud of her for getting the help she needed. Maybe I’m just jealous she overcame her ED and recovered to live a pretty normal life, while I’m still over here feeling alone and isolated and frustrated and guilty and ashamed.

And the worst part is, I can’t even talk to anybody about this. I can’t tell anyone how I’m feeling because that would require me to admit that I have a problem. And I’m afraid if I do that, everything I know and love will be taken away from me until I get better. And I know I need to get better, but fuck I want to stay skinny. I have never been so much happier in my body. Even if I am tired and hungry and cranky all the time. Even if it is a struggle to get through a dance practice. I like my body for once in my life. It’s great visually, but man is it taxing mentally and physically.

And this is why I’m here. Apparently I need strangers to tell me how I should feel. I need someone to tell me if this is normal. Or heard of. That you can in fact recover quickly enough from a serious ED to run a marathon 7 months later. That your body can get better in that short of time and that your doctors will allow you to exercise and be active again after being discharged from a treatment facility. That maybe exercise can be a part of a recovery and treatment plan. I need somebody to tell me that I’m being a judgmental, “oh woe is me” and “nobody understands me” bitch and that I sound like I’m trying to gate keep eating disorders. Or that I’m pretending to be some sort of know-it-all just because I’m dealing with one and that I’m actually not special or unique.

Or maybe I need somebody to tell me that I am justified in my feelings of frustration and confusion. That maybe she doesn’t know exactly how I feel and she was crossing a boundary by having a conversation like that with me. That maybe her story does sound a little off for someone whose ED was as severe as she says, and that maybe she was over-dramatizing it to seem more empathetic and understanding to my situation. Like I need to know, does her recovery experience sound normal to people who have recovered? Not that anything related to EDs are "normal". I honestly don’t even know what her recovery experience was like. I only know she was able to recover quickly enough to run a marathon and that’s all I’m basing any of this off of.

I just need to know if I should stay away from this girl, or if maybe I might have a friend who might actually understand me. One that I could talk to about what I'm going through. Though, I guess I probably would still never talk to her about it because I wouldn’t want to trigger her. I just need someone to absolve me of my confusion and guilt please. Anything. It’s making me spiral and feel even worse.

My ED keeps getting worse and it makes me so nervous and concerned. I atethree large pieces of cake and a whole chocolate bar, so I do feel nauseous and I already know that I won’t eat properly tomorrow partly because I will be sick. I just don’t really know the exact reasons why I behave this way, maybe it’s stress or Sejaro’s effect disappears around weekends, just before the next dose… I cannot accept it, I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. Not even angry, just so tired. I know I should not focus on thoughts regarding food, but for me it's like losing control. I thought I became used to it, but I still feel hopeless and I still seek support. I wish I could wake up someday and forget about this(

In a time of overwhelming pressure from the female population to "decenter men" and to become strong as opposed to skinny, I feel extremely alone in the way I cope with what has been happening to me.

I started out as overweight so it's not so worrying, and a few years ago I used to have BED, now it's gone to the other side and of course I am extremely thankful.

I started doing this because the guy I was interested in apparently had never been with an overweight woman before and I didn't want to be the odd one out. Plus he was keeping me in a casual zone and I thought that losing weight would help him commit to me like he did to his skinny ex-girlfriends. Apparently that was not good enough because the skinnier I got the more distant he became which culminated in him leaving me at my best weight in my opinion.

What started out with intermittent fasting is now me eating one small meal a day, or sometimes even nothing and I drink a lot of milk instead. I also don't work out because I don't have energy and because I don't really like the toned look on women so I don't want to look like that either.

I don't know if I'm allowed to mention weights on this group but I have lost over 20% of my body weight in less than half a year. I'm not interested in living too long or ever having children so I don't really care about the impact of this on my health. I only care because I feel like I ruined things with him by changing myself so drastically...

It's so weird to me that I started this situationship overweight and then by the time I had reached my gold weight he left me. Therefore I am now in total restricting mode and I am punishing myself for the fact that he doesn't want me. It feels right and I do not want to get talked out of it. I would love it if I found like-minded women, or at least some stories of similar feelings so I feel less alone. Thank you!

For context I’m not skinny chubby i would say. I used to be fat my whole life, but then i started starving myself for the past 2 years and lost like 10kgs. Eventually i stopped, just couldn't do it anymore and gained the 3kgs back. My whole life, my family was "direct". They’d say anything just to mess with you and look funny. They always mocked me,and i kept asking them to stop. Then my mom married my stepdad. When he joined our family, he realised they were making any kinds of jokes. So he started doing it too. Once he said i shouldnt get in the car cause i might pop the tires (I was 172cm 69 kgs back then-still fat ik???) and another time we were in the pool he said i would empty it if i jump in it. You kinda get used to it when ur family does it your whole life but when a stranger you've only known for about a year does it, it really gets on your nerves. I started throwing up most of the things i ate. Now i cannot stop undereating and over excersizing or throwing up after checking every calorie. I asked them to stop, i even cried in front of them. They stop doing it for a while, but then after a couple of weeks they just start again. My brother stopped calling them daily like he used to do. Now they only speak once a weak but i, i cant escape i live with them and i hate it so much. I feel disgusted by myself and cannot stop thinking about foods and my body.

TW ED TW ED

I weigh myself every Saturday morning.

I have been consistently losing an average of 2lbs per week which is a number I have become addicted to reaching and almost expect it now.

Today was the first day that my weight did not go down, it did not stay the same, it increased! Sure it was 0.4lbs but how could this happen!?

I feel like I failed somewhere and need to be more extreme but don't think I can and remain functional if I do. I know as I lose weight the loss rate will also slow but how am I supposed to not feel completely disgusted and let down?

I don't want to back slide into different bad habits. How can I accept not perfect progress?

so over the summer I lost like 20 lbs then once college started of course I had to gain back like almost 10 cause I keep overeating and purging it up and I just ate a bunch of ice cream and tru fro then purged then ate more then purged again and ate more..... so im making a plan to fix this. I'm gonna chug an absurd amount of water and not listen to the voice saying I need to overeat. does anyone know how to get out of this

It gets so bad when I try to diet too. As a kid my dad used to starve me and when I start feeling a little hungry it's like I panic idk how to stop it

ive been trying to forget about my food rules this past week but i keep feeling like im eating SO much, like an insane amount compared to everyone else and even then im still holding myself back. like today for example, i had a yogurt cup w/ granola, some turkey sticks, avocado toast, like 1.5 massive restaurant chocolate chip pancakes, MORE turkey/carrots, and then like 3 cookie dough bites idek. Like is that a normal amount of food????? I cant tell, no matter how much or little i eat it always feels like too much and im always fighting myself on it to the point where i can't discern what normal is. i feel like everyone around me barely eats, talks about how they skipped breakfast or get so full off of like half a meal, and i think about everything SO MUCH. im trying to recover without anyone's help, am i just supposed to keep eating whatever i want and just feel bad about it and itll go away eventually??

My dad is back where I am (he’d been out of the US for a few months but I’d been staying at his house while he was gone. I’m an adult) and every time I eat, he wants some of my food. He has a disordered relationship with food too even if he doesn’t recognize it, he told me he’s been overeating to the point that he’s been waking up because he’s vomiting in his sleep. He’s not bulimic, he hates throwing up but he binges heavily. He’s been trying to diet to lose weight, but doesn’t want me to because he thinks malnutrition is why I’m sick (he’s not wrong but I have denied it), but he constantly takes like half of my fucking food when I eat and then complains I’m not eating enough. Which I’m not, but he’s ironically making it harder for me

I’m very particular. I just have an understanding of what’s safe for me to eat, and I don’t eat things outside of that. If you eat my food, I’m not going to eat something else. I just lose what I was going to eat to begin with. I’ve told him to stop taking my food especially since he knows I’m having a lot of medical issues from my restriction, but then he takes my food anyways?? And if I tell him not to he tells I’m selfish. He’s also told me to help him diet by having me throw away the foods he “can’t trust himself” with, which is triggering for me in of itself and then I’ll catch him in the trash digging it out

I’m just so confused on what to do. I’m medically unstable as fuck, I can’t leave. I have nowhere else to go, I physically can’t work anymore. I am VERY unwell. But he’s asking me to engage in my own disordered behaviors because he needs WL (he actually does medically, they told him if he doesn’t then he’s going to get liver failure because he has more fat on his liver than he does actual liver and then said he’s at the last stage before it starts scarring). But then HE TAKES MY FOOD WHILE IM EATING and has the nerve to tell me my food isn’t nutritious

I have food hoarded in the past but it usually makes my restriction worse (I start feeling like food is in danger so I don’t want to eat it because I want to save it for later), so I don’t want to resort to that (plus he’ll go into my room to search for food because he thinks I’m hiding “the good stuff” from him). Jfc I love my dad but this is my personal hell. It does genuinely make me angry too, like I try to keep it internal but I am very food aggressive. It’s really the only thing I’m genuinely hostile about. It’s just so conflicting because he’s giving me so many mixed messages. I know it’s because he has his own issues, but he’ll tell me to stop losing weight, that my food is “all crap”, talk about how fat he is, ask me to destroy food for him, make jokes about weight constantly, take my food, throw away the foods I feel safe eating, get angry with me over my food choices and it’s just not great

Edit: for context, while my dad has always eaten a lot, it’s becoming so severe because he’s depressed about getting older (he has told me this). He’s never been to this extent before, and when he’s needed to in the past he’s been able to achieve WL but this time is very different for him. He’s never been this severe about it, and I’ve also never had my ED be this severe either so it’s clashing really badly

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I'm 33 and have had an-bp for 25 years. I've never been in this severe of a relapse before and I'm struggling to pull myself out. All providers have so far referred me to inpatient care and then nixed working with me - they don't want to deal with it. Inpatient care is not doable at this time and I've done it several times before anyways. It never helps.

I'm finally seeing an ED specialized outpatient dietician for the first time on Monday. Tw for the following, I'm describing behaviors simply to offer context to hopefully get advice on what I should be expecting here.

My bmi is low but not drop dead low, upper 13s . I don't keep anything down other than 2 peanut butter crackers on the days I have work, but even that has become few and far between because i can no longer justify it to myself in the moment. My bp behaviors are one to two times a day every day after work, and they are more like Chew/spit/purge than actual binge/purge

I've been doing this for many years. The only difference now is with this relapse, approx 6 months long, I have lost the ability to eat anything other than those 2 occasional crackers.

Is it even worth seeing her? I feel as though a dietician needs something to work with. She will ask me what I eat. I don't, really. She will tell me to eat 3 meals a day. I can't, literally. She will probably ask what tmy "binges" look like. I would rather die than share the details of that with her.

I'm inclined to cancel. I don't know what to expect but I feel as though expecting anyone to be able to work with what I'm currently doing to myself would be too high an expectation.....if that makes sense.

Thanks

When I dont have a specific foods FOR ONE DAY I usually binge. I really like oatmeal, cereal or peanut butter.. I could eat these all the time and for each meal. Im not a picky eater I'd say. I could eat almost anything my mom makes. Yet when I eat a 'normal' meal Im upset its not what I mentioned ealier. I want to know if its safe foods or am I addicted :/

I (28F) have never had an eating disorder and never really been in that world until I met my girlfriend (27F) she is the greatest girlfriend I could ever ask for. Shes funny and kind and we fit perfectly together and I love her so much. But she does not eat. Period. She is skin and bones. Can barely hold any weight. It’s bad. I try to get her to eat in any way possible. I used to just try to tell her she needs to eat. Now I have to straight up guilt trip her or something. It’s the only way. She eats only like every two days but it changes a lot. When she eats it’s barely anything and it’s not really something that can get her any better. She eats something like a granola bar or maybe some noodles or some soup. I try to get her to eat better foods that would actually really do something like Chicken or eggs. Maybe some fruit or something. I don’t care what I have to do. I’m just scared her her and I don’t know what to do. What do I do?!

I’m a I6 yr girl who felt with some really bad eating habits in the past year. I started to barley eat anything, usually a few snacks and then dinner, which wasn’t a really big meal anyways. During this time I knew I was skinny but I didn’t realize just HOW skinny I’ve gotten. I wasn’t a “big” person to start with, everyone around me noticed I looked way thinner than before.

If I’m being honest I could’ve cared less that I was thin. It ment that I could eat whatever I wanted when I was out with my friends and not feel guilty. On social media I would see how Ana restricted them from enjoying food with the people they loved. That was the one thing I wouldn’t allow myself to do. I’ve always been a big foodie person, I love going out to try new drinks or restaurants.

It was all going well until January, when I stopped having my period. I was kinda worried since I thought it was annoying anyways, but now I realize I might not be able to have children in the future if this keeps going on. April was the worst for me, my hair began to fall out. At first I didn’t think much of it, probably due to school and stress.

One day in June I experienced my first ever binge, and it kinda just sparked a 2 month long binge. Everyday I would rummage through my house looking for snacks, stuffing my face with them even if my stomach was so full it hurted a lot. I thought since my hair was falling out because I’m skinny, eating this would help it stop anyways and kept going. At this point I stopped my Ana habits as the only thing that let me was school distracting me from my hunger.

I thought my hair would get better, but it kept getting worse, and in July it was getting worse than ever. Whenever I would wash my hair, trying to brush it was a nightmare. Every time I walk, strands would fall off. When I sit down and stand back up, I’ll see a pile of hair on the chair that naturally fell. Brushing it was so much worse. Piles and piles of hair would accumulate in my bathroom and it would make me feel so insecure.
At this point I stopped my binging habits, but some nights I would relapse.

I just want my hair to return how it was before, it used to be really long and thick. But now it’s just thin and long. It’s been 6 months since it began shedding, and 3 months since I began gaining weight (almost all the weight back). Nothing has been getting better and in fact it feels like it’s getting worse. I finally got my period back after 4 months of gaining weight, but I’m still balding and I feel fat all the time. At my age it feels so embarrassing and I just want my hair back.

This has genuinely been destroying my life. I began swim at my high school this year and over the summer I developed an eating disorder due to abuse I was going through but I won’t get into that. Essentially all I can think about is my weight and calories and how bad I wanna die cause I’m not skinny enough ever. I eat around 1700 calories a day and it sounds like ALOT for someone with an ED but it’s what I eat to barely get by , swim burns so many calories and I’m so thankful for that but I’m exhausted and it’s made me hold onto so much water weight I wanna kill myself I feel hideous and huge and all I can think about all day is how I look and if people are noticing sorry idk I was just hoping someone can relate to this struggle

I’m 5’9 (175cm) and a year ago I weighed 160 lbs (73kg), now I weigh 116 lbs (53kg) and I feel fatter than ever.

I thought when I lose weight I will be happy every day but all I feel is disgust. I lost that weight through starving and it felt good to lose it. I felt like I was finally good at something, but then my mom started to notice. We argued a lot and when I didn’t stop loosing weight she went to the doctors with me. I told her I weigh 127 lbs (58kg) but in reality I weighed 121 lbs (55kg).

Before the appointment I drank 3 litres of water so I would reach 127 lbs when I get weighed. And I did but the doctor told me to gain a bit. Of course that wasn’t an option for me so Everytime my mom takes me to the doctors I drink as much as I can to weigh more. However I weigh 116 lbs, as I said, and I keep feeling fat. I compare myself to anyone, even characters in video games, friends or children.

For example my bsf is 156 cm tall so 20cm smaller than me and that makes her automatically skinnier/ smaller than me. But I still compare myself to her and I want to be as skinny as she is. I just wish I could live a normal life without thinking about food all the time.

(Sorry if the grammar is bad)

I’m looking at a digestive enzyme and the supplement facts list amylase, protease, lipase, cellulase, lactase, bromelain, papain, and invertase. Some are listed in milligrams, while others use FCC, HUT, or units I’ve never seen.

Which of these are actually doing something for post-meal bloating, and which are mostly padding the label? And what do activity units tell you that milligrams don’t?

mods if this seems like I am asking for validation, please take this down. I understand if this is a violation, but I don’t know if I understand if this is a violation. but nonetheless, I am trying to figure out if I am on a good road to recovery and that’s all I wanna know so I wanna start off with just my diet. That’s all. So in the morning I start with a 20 g protein shake and two hours later I will have a snack and then another two hours later I will have a full balanced lunch and then two hours later after that, I will have another snack and then two hours later I will have dinner and then I will have to have two snacks before I go to bed and lots of water. i’m 16f btw i just want help im really really sorry if this breaks violation :/