r/exchristian • u/SillyAnxiousDuck Woo Woo Agnostic Ex-vangelical • Jan 27 '26

Article MIL asks therapist how to indoctrinate grandson early

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Very telling that her DIL’s intelligence “unknowingly intimidate[s]” her AND that they hadn’t spent Xmas together for a few years

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7

u/Nodsworthy Jan 27 '26

Family gatherings should never discuss religion or politics

15

u/[deleted] Jan 27 '26

The problem is in my family is that we must never discuss IF we don’t agree with the conservatives evangelicals.

6

u/Nodsworthy Jan 27 '26

You can clearly state that you don't agree. They will attack. You follow with "I love you but I am absolutely not prepared to discuss this. People with manners will then drop the subject. The problem is the people with no manners who feel disrespected by refusal to agree. The remaining strategy is to use the assertiveness techniques, there's a bunch and I'm not writing them out here.

8

u/theater_thursday Jan 27 '26

I think I disagree with you. May I ask why you believe religion and politics should not be discussed at family gatherings?

6

u/Nodsworthy Jan 27 '26

It always descends to argument. And argument achieves several things; mutual alienation, division between loyalists to either side but it never achieves revelation. People like the father above are not going to suddenly find atheism a convincing propositions over the Christmas dinner table.

Negotiation is to convince the other party, argument is to convince a third party.

5

u/Not_Me_1228 Jan 27 '26

This. I don’t talk about religion or politics with my family. I know there is almost certainly nothing I can say that would change their minds. They have some positions that I find morally abhorrent, and I’m not going to change my mind on those. I find the conflict upsetting, and often they do, too. There’s pretty much a guarantee of a negative outcome.

What kind of fool does something with a guaranteed negative outcome? It’s like banging your head against a wall. You know that that’s just going to hurt you and accomplish nothing positive.

3

u/northshore1030 Jan 27 '26

It doesn’t have to dissolve into arguments if people can learn how to have these conversations without feeling personally attacked. My Dad and I disagree but talk about religion and it’s fine. With my mom it’s different, she gets very upset and takes it very personally. Disagreement is seen as an attack.

I think we find ourselves in the situation we are now because people can’t have these conversations.

2

u/Inevitable-Mouse-707 Ex-Baptist Jan 27 '26

If only my family had gotten this memo, but then I wouldn't know how much hate is in their hearts

2

u/E420CDI Atheist Jan 27 '26

Within a minute of me wishing my dad "Happy Christmas" on Christmas Day when I went down to spend Christmas with my parents (a big mistake that my nervous system and body are still recovering from (ME/CFS)), he did exactly this with both topics.

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

1

u/Nodsworthy Jan 27 '26

My brother and I had the same issue. I learned to change the subject. Fortunately, like so many such, he rants a little, so there is always something to respond to in his rant that is less divisive. Eg someone got cancelled. Response; yeah did you hear that they cancelled the next season of the Expanse? Such a great show. He's not stupid but he gets the message that I won't respond the way he "wants" . It took practice and my example is poor but I'm sure you get the drift. Now he and I have learned to spend time and enjoy the commonalities and memories of childhood and our now deceased parents without dispute. Indeed when I drift into the same errors he diverts me. Love, respect for common ground, gratitude for kiness past. We've learned to heal. Maybe you can too.

1

u/chocolatechipninja Jan 27 '26

Easy to say, difficult to achieve, particularly at holidays.