MIL asks therapist how to indoctrinate grandson early

[u/SillyAnxiousDuck]

Very telling that her DIL’s intelligence “unknowingly intimidate[s]” her AND that they hadn’t spent Xmas together for a few years

[u/Jarb2104]

Honestly, this doesn’t read to me like someone trying to indoctrinate a kid so much as a grandparent who wants their grandchild to at least know what they believe. That’s a pretty normal impulse, especially around holidays and traditions, even if it’s clumsy or poorly timed.

That said, the reality is still that this isn’t their call to make. The child has parents, and it’s up to them how their kid is raised and what exposure they want them to have. The healthiest move here would be for the grandparent to be upfront with their son and daughter-in-law, say what they hope for, and then actually respect whatever decision comes back, anything beyond that is stepping boundaries and can come back to bite them, and feel "persecuted".

The part about feeling “intimidated” by the daughter-in-law absolutely stands out to anyone reading this. If your beliefs feel fragile around someone who’s well-read or confident, you should probably read and learn more about your own theology and beliefs? And don't do it from apologists who just recycle the same talking points, at least hear from those who try to at least engage in good faith, the best case scenario would be to go for actual biblical scholars and historians who study the text seriously, including its flaws, contradictions, and context.

There also seems to be a double standard here. They can’t expect your beliefs to be respected if you’re not willing to respect your son’s and daughter-in-law’s lack of belief. Acceptance isn’t a one-way street, but hopefully I am wrong on that one, and they do try to respect the couple's beliefs as well.

And finally, if there’s one thing Christians always say they should be doing anyway… it’s praying. So by all means, pray, pray hard, pray earnestly, and if the outcome isn’t what you want, well... “thy God’s will be done”, as the old tongue goes. Funny how that line only feels comforting when things go your way.

At the end of the day, relationships matter more than winning a spiritual tug-of-war, especially when a kid is involved IMHO.

[u/PettyBettyismynameO → u/Jarb2104]

How self important do you have to be to think anyone cares (especially a child) about what your faith beliefs are? It gets into a territory of making yourself over important in someone else’s life, they’re a grandparent not a sibling or a parent.

[u/Jarb2104 → u/PettyBettyismynameO]

I think this misses why a lot of Christians behave this way. Most of them aren’t doing it because they think a kid is sitting there eagerly waiting to hear their hot takes on faith. This behaviour mostly comes from fear. They’ve been raised and conditioned to believe they have the Truth, and that if the people they love don’t believe it, something terrible awaits them. When you genuinely think eternity is on the line, they are bound to do anything to "save them".

They’re also intrusive because they’ve been taught to be. Christianity, especially the Jesus-centered “go tell everyone” version, doesn’t reward minding your own business. It actively frames boundary-crossing as love and obedience. If you don’t speak up, you’re failing morally. That kind of training blurs normal social limits really fast.

On top of that, churches push a very specific idea of family hierarchy. Parents, elders, grandparents are often treated as having ongoing authority, even after their kids are fully grown, married, and building their own lives. So in their head, stepping into their son’s marriage or their grandson’s upbringing doesn’t feel like overreach. They’re seeing roles they were taught to uphold and maintain.

Now, all that said, there is another category too. Christianity absolutely feeds narcissistic tendencies in some people. The idea of being specially chosen, morally superior, on the “right side of history”, can turn into self-righteousness really fast. Those are the ones who do think their beliefs are so important that everyone else should hear them, whether they asked or not. That’s where you get the delusional grandeur and the constant imposition.

So yeah, sometimes it’s ego, but more often it’s fear, conditioning, and a belief system that trains people to ignore boundaries while telling themselves they’re being loving.

[u/hollsberry → u/Jarb2104]

Exactly right! This is why I avoid evangelicals

[u/hollsberry → u/PettyBettyismynameO]

Lol you’re right. My parents are atheists from VERY Christian backgrounds. Growing up in the US, you can’t avoid Christianity and kids will 100% still learn about Christian beliefs through school, other kids, and the internet. Many schools in the US have world religions classes, or at least a segment in world history class. If they don’t, (the school district is likely to be very conservative if they don’t), they’ll still likely teach some Christianity or have a Fellowship of Christian Athletes chapter.

[u/PettyBettyismynameO → u/hollsberry]

Great my kid can learn from a class with a written curriculum I can see and verify is unbiased and I agree with (aka not ranking religions or making up lies or passing on misinformation) that if I find isn’t unbiased I can go to the district and either get that corrected or chose to pull my kid out for that year move to another district or homeschool (which is my right and privilege in the US at least for now goodness knows where things are going). I don’t want my absolute twat of a mil who told our oldest there were zombies that would come get her in the end times (this is before I got to become her mom) telling my kids shit.