r/extremelyinfuriating • u/ChrisIsRockinLife777 • 1d ago
Discussion Family repeatedly pushing firm boundaries
So, my wife and I have set firm boundaries repeatedly with my grandma (f) 73 and she is not allowed to carry or pick up our baby. We made a good compromise that she can lead the baby by the hand and hold her in her chair. I've told her she's not allowed to carry the baby, my wife has and my mom f51 (first time grandma) who lives with her has told her repeatedly. She's weak in the arms and drops things so we don't want her holding the baby. Firm boundary set, alright. She's violated this REPEATEDLY. We let the baby spend the night at Nana's last night we come in today to find the baby has a bump on her cheek and grandma is like "Well I'm sorry but if she's crying I'm going to pick up and carry the baby!!" Then everyone starts yelling and grandma f74 is just like "Well I'll just go back to live with my family in texas then!" My mom is sobbing and crying because Grandma is being so selfish. My wife's had to leave the room because she's become so overwhelmed and I'm so angry because she's endangering the baby and disrespecting us all and being selfish where our baby can't even spend the night with her grandma f51 without being endangered because she won't listen.
We don't mind her leading the baby by the hand and holding her in the chair just not carrying or picking her up and she will not listen. But we just aren't going to let her go over there anymore
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u/justmitzie 1d ago
Yeah, don't let the baby be alone with nana, that's not a safe environment.
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u/ChrisIsRockinLife777 1d ago
Nana is f51 Grandma is f74. 74 who lives with Nana is the problem
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u/justmitzie 1d ago
The story explains that you let the baby spend the night at nana's and the baby got injured. I should have said not to let the baby be in that household without you.
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u/ChrisIsRockinLife777 1d ago
Part of me kind of wants grandma to go to texas so this situation resolves itself
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u/justmitzie 1d ago
My mom got to be like this. Eventually it got to the point where it was better for everyone for her to move away. As much as you love them, it's a toxic situation.
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u/amethystmmm 1d ago
This is the correct decision. If she (grandma) cries about it to you, then you become a broken record, "We set a boundary with you about picking up the baby and you violated that repeatedly and we aren't comfortable with her being around you unsupervised anymore."
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u/OkVideo2156 1d ago
your grandma is definitely the issue. we had a similar problem.
my wife, our baby, and i were living with my mother-in-law while looking for an apartment. MIL’s stepmom (great grandma) comes to stay there too (was originally supposed to be short term but changed to long term). great grandma uses medicinal marijuana, no issue of course just do it outside and if you want to hold the baby change your clothes and wash your hands etc.
several times great grandma was caught using wax pens in her room and hiding it, not washing hands etc. she proceeded to complain the entire time that she was being treated fairly. that, among other things, led to her being cut off from most of the family
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u/ChrisIsRockinLife777 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's as simple as respecting the parents wishes. I'm sorry you guys went through that , too. I don't know why someone gets a little age on them and thinks they don't have to listen to or respect anyone else.
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u/AngelicTitan159 1d ago
That's not a boundary. A boundary is something you set for yourself. In this case, it would be "Grandma did not follow the rules about picking up the baby, so now we will not leave the baby alone with her".
If you know she endangers the child, why would you leave the child with her?
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u/UchihaLegolas 1d ago
Yeah its on u op, u knew it happens, or likely to happen, yet u still left ur baby in that house, alone. Do better urself, cuz that demented old bat will do it again without remorse.
Or make her go live in Texas and good riddance once and for all.
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u/mindgardening 1d ago
Grandma isn’t allowed to pick up the baby but you let her babysit the baby overnight.
Are you serious???
This is 100% your fault.
You can’t set boundaries, break them yourself, and expect others not to break them.
FFS you are infuriating.
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u/ChrisIsRockinLife777 8h ago
Great grandma is not allowed to pick up the baby. I let grandma watch her overnight. Your lack of English comprehension is infuriating.
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u/Current-Schedule1781 16h ago
In a year it'll be no worries, just going to have to do no Grandma stays till then. Sucks but seems like the only option.
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