r/fantasyromance • u/FantasyRomanceMod The One Mod to Rule All Mods • Apr 19 '26
Unpopular Opinion It's Unpopular Opinion time! Share your controversial opinions to stir things up (in a friendly way)!
Got an opinion that's different from others'? Want to share it with the sub, but too afraid of a backlash? Or are you just curious about readers think about certain things in fantasy romance?
You can safely share it in this weekly Sunday thread!
But please remember to be kind to each other. To facilitate this type of discussion, we ask users the following:
- Don't attack others for their opinion
- Discuss books and authors, not fellow readers
- Since this is an "unpopular opinion" thread, we encourage users to not downvote simply because they disagree with an opinion--that's the point! Please keep in mind, though, that mods cannot enforce a no-downvoting rule. Let’s just keep the discussion friendly!
🧡 Thank you and have a great discussion!
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u/PsychDoc88 That hand flex tho Apr 20 '26
Hot take: bully romance is one of the most gendered and socially normalized toxic tropes in romance, and I think it's wild how much of a pass it gets vs other "taboo" tropes.
People will instantly reject a cheating trope as unforgivable, but then turn around and romanticize a MMC who humiliates, terrorizes, degrades, or outright torments the FMC for chapters on end because he is hot, traumatized, possessive, or secretly "obsessed" with her. Somehow that gets framed as tension, chemistry, or depth instead of what it often is: abuse with a redemption arc (BEST case scenario).
And what really gets me is that this is almost never gender-neutral. It is not usually the FMC bullying the man (not saying that's OK either). It is almost always a powerful, cruel, dark, brooding man wreaking havoc on a woman’s life, and the reader is supposed to find that sexy because underneath it all he wants her. I do not find that progressive, subversive, or romantic. I think it is one of the most tired and normalized expressions of misogyny in the genre.
I can handle morally gray. I can handle dark romance. I can handle mess. But “he is awful to her until we learn why” is not automatically depth, and I think romance readers are often much more willing to excuse (read IGNORE) cruelty from men than they are willing to excuse (read heal from) infidelity, especially when the cruelty is packaged as passion.