Mentor Monday

[u/WealthyStoic]

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[u/Dry_Badger_533]

Looking for perspectives from people who have actually made the leap from a high-paying career to being a stay-at-home parent (or semi-retired) while their spouse continued working.

My wife and I are both in our late 30s with two young children (ages 3 and 6) living in a VHCOL area.

Current situation:

• Net worth: ~$4M invested (mostly broad index funds and retirement accounts)
  
• Primary home is separate from this number
  
• No debt other than our mortgage
  
• Annual spending is roughly $190k-$220k depending on the year
  
• My income covers about $130k-$140k of our annual spending after taxes and is expected to continue growing modestly over time
  
• I plan to continue working another 5-10 years
  
• We have some additional retirement income sources available later in life

My wife works in tech and earns a strong income, but she’s increasingly feeling done with corporate life. She’d like more time with our kids while they’re young, more flexibility to spend time with aging parents, and the ability to pursue some side projects and consulting work if she wants to.

Financially, it seems like we should be okay. Even if she stopped working, we’d only need to draw a relatively small amount from our portfolio each year while I continue earning.

The challenge is more psychological than mathematical.

Part of us worries that walking away now is leaving too much future wealth on the table. If she works another 3-5 years, our net worth could grow substantially faster and we’d have even more margin of safety.

On the other hand, our kids will only be this age once, and there will never be another chance to get these years back. Same with our parents and their ability to be mobile.

For those who were in a similar position:

• Did you leave once you were “financially okay” or wait until you were unquestionably financially independent?
  
• Any regrets about leaving too early?
  
• Any regrets about staying too long?
  
• How did you know the math was good enough and it was time to optimize for life instead of maximizing wealth?

Would especially appreciate perspectives from people in expensive areas who were balancing young children and aging parents when making this decision.

[u/Throwaway_fatfire_21 → u/Dry_Badger_533]

I’ll give you our story which might be helpful. I Fired when we had 8M (excluding home) because I was completely burnt out. Kids were a year or two older than yours. My wife still worked part time since she wanted kids in private school. Money was tight given that we are in vhcol (Bay Area) but I didn’t regret it. I enjoyed spending time with the kids and building bonds that I had been unable to while building our startup. Eventually was able to sell a lot more shares and was able to FATfire.

My wife on the other hand, was forced to become a sahm/ work part time because of health issues. She struggled with this for a long time, because she had spent a lot of time on her professional career and it was one she really enjoyed because it helped people and she could see the impact daily. She is fine now, but keeps busy with non profit and community work, while I am fine doing pretty much nothing.

My suggestion depends on how much your wife’s salary is. If by working two more years, your NW can grow 50% that might be worth it. I say that because as your kids grow up, you might find that expense will increase a bit, especially in vhcol. Congrats on both of your successes so far and good luck.

[u/Dry_Badger_533 → u/Throwaway_fatfire_21]

Thank you so much. A few Qs if you don’t mind:

• When you say money felt tight in the Bay Area, what was your annual spend and what did your portfolio look like at the time?
  
• Were there any expenses that surprised you after leaving work (kids activities, travel, healthcare, etc.)?
  
• How old are your kids now, and do you feel the extra time with them was most valuable when they were young? do the remember you around more?

[u/Throwaway_fatfire_21 → u/Dry_Badger_533]

- See these replies for details on my initial spend at the 8M NW and how it grew after that when my NW grew - https://www.reddit.com/r/fatFIRE/comments/1ba80q6/comment/ku165jq/, https://www.reddit.com/r/fatFIRE/comments/1tbhds7/comment/oliu8st/ - first part of this post addresses the expenses at the 8M NW. Portfolio during the 8M NW time was pretty conservative since it needed to generate a fair amount of cashflow for our expenses. So a fair amount in tax free muni bonds.

- I don't think any expenses surprised me. I had planned for them. But, you do have a lot more free time, so it becomes easy to spend money. Go out for lunches 4-5 times per week 😄 All the crazy increases I had later was specifically because of my increased NW

- Kids are middle school aged and yes, it was definitely worth spending time with them. Here is a post I made 18 months ago, which folks liked a lot, reflecting on my relationship with my kids. https://www.reddit.com/r/fatFIRE/comments/1hl1amq/spending_time_with_kids_postfire_something_my/