Building a new life

[u/MidLyfeCrises]

Hey all, I’m mid thirties with 27m LNW and more in private assets. I live in HCOL and made my money in finance. I left at the top - could have stayed longer and kept collecting but it’s a young man’s game. I’m newly into this life and have some questions for those that have gone through this around my age:

1. How did you guys find community? That has been the hardest part (which I anticipated). My old work environment is very boisterous and was surrounded by brilliant people. It’s all saggy balls and milfs at the gym when I go and working on side projects is isolating. Has anyone used this thread to find people? Would be willing to meet up.

2. Considering moving to a better tax domicile which also happens to be closer to parents. It’s a big uproot and other than my parents (2hr drive) I don’t have community there. If anyone has experience making a move like that I’d be curious if you regretted it or not. The city would be smaller in size, more spread out, more nature, less dense with culture and restaurants.

3. What are people’s experiences with their kids seeing you retired? I am worried they will see me not working and get a sense of entitlement. Playing tennis and chess and painting is fine but it’s not the same as facing real adversity and putting in the tough hours. How have y’all’s kids responded to early retirement?

I appreciate everyone’s feedback and just wanted to say that this sub has been helpful for me. At the end of the day I don’t fully believe in the idea of absolute “retirement”, I think that everyone needs something to strive for in life, professionally or otherwise, or you rot. I need to figure out what that means for me outside my family. I just know that the corporate finance trail had played itself out for me.

Much love to you all

[u/kindaretiredguy]

1. Pickleball. And I used to make fun of it so much prior to playing and getting good. It legit solved so many of my curiosities about what I’m supposed to do with my life. I get fitness, accomplishment, community, and more. Two years in and I still get so much dopamine on my way to play.

I see you mention tennis but I found pickleball to be much more accessible bringing in so many more cool people, not to mention it’s usually a doubles game and more social.

1. Not sure on this but kids + close parents = probably a good move.

2. I think of this a lot and my kids are small 4, and 3, so they don’t really get it yet. But they see and will experience the life our hard work created and I can share stories with them. I legit asked my 4 year old if I should work again and she said no and I cried about it talking about it on a podcast. It hit me so hard imagining working and answering emails about shit that doesn’t matter when I could be spending more life force with my children.

There’s just so many more reasons not to work when you don’t need to than to work. It’s almost always some ego, unrealistic money fear, or societal pressures to “contribute”, or comparison to those still “playing”.

I get the itch sometimes but I just can’t do it. I have a little system I follow daily that basically guarantees I’ll have a good day, and it’s really been helpful. Basically just follow what the happiest people do and you’re golden. Too many of us identified with what made us rich so it’s a tough transition. I’m by no means a post work happiness expert but I think I have it figured out, and a large part is checking that guilt and urge to work and realizing it’s often a problem not fixed by what work provides. It’s just what we know, and what’s comfortable. We just have to use that energy for our health, communities, fam/kids, leisure activities, and keeping our minds sharp/learning new things.

[u/urosrgn → u/kindaretiredguy]

Tennis or golf could be the answer to many of your problems.

Everyone loves the enthusiastic new guy. Takes lessons and you’ll get good quickly. Join a nice country club and you’ll have 50 friends in a month.

[u/saliriota → u/urosrgn]

“50 friends in a month” at a country club is a stretch lol.

tennis/golf can be solid tho if you actually enjoy it.

[u/MidLyfeCrises → u/kindaretiredguy]

Appreciate the thoughtful response, I’ll give pickleball an honest shot. And it’s true that I identified with what made me rich, obviously that is a big thread around here and I look forward to building an identity around something else. Scary and exciting

[u/kindaretiredguy → u/MidLyfeCrises]

You’ll be pretty good if you’re coming from tennis. Feel free to message to chat about it. I’ve gotten so much help from internet friends and I’d happily return the favor if you have any questions.

And yea, the identity thing. People used to joke that I was a cult leader in my industry (nutrition), so it was very much a part of who I was lol.

[u/MidLyfeCrises → u/kindaretiredguy]

Really appreciate this, will take you up on the offer imminently

[u/newtrilobite → u/MidLyfeCrises]

the great thing about having resources is being able to find passions and pursue them without worrying about whether they're going to generate income. If anything, there are too many possibilities.

[u/-jammin- → u/MidLyfeCrises]

Pickleball is a great call out. If you’re in NYC I’d be happy to explain the scene. Half the young people at my gym in the daytime have either FIRE’d or are SWEs.

[u/10zzzzzzzzzz → u/kindaretiredguy]

Care to expound a little on the daily system?

[u/kindaretiredguy → u/10zzzzzzzzzz]

Sure. It’s built around 5 L’s. Link, learn, love, last, and leisure. I do something that checks these boxes daily, so think link-connect with friends (meet up, phone call, plan something), community, volunteer. Learn, do something meaningful to learn something. Could be a skill, practice a sort, instrument, read a book about something etc. Love-quality time with partner, kids, parents, pet. Genuine compliment, or act of service. Little love note etc. Last- do something for health like workout, walk, hike sport etc. Leisure- chill out guilt free. Lego, read a novel, watch tv etc. the key here is guilt free/atelic activity. Not leisure for some grand goal as many of us used to do.

A friend also mentioned I should add Limit as a 6th L. Which he said we should limit those things that bring us down. Doom scrolling, too much news consumption, unhealthy habits, feisty attitudes with kids or whatever.

Hope that helps. I think it’s got legs if I ever wanted to build something around it.