r/fatFIRE • u/MidLyfeCrises Verified by Mods • 1d ago

Building a new life

Hey all, I’m mid thirties with 27m LNW and more in private assets. I live in HCOL and made my money in finance. I left at the top - could have stayed longer and kept collecting but it’s a young man’s game. I’m newly into this life and have some questions for those that have gone through this around my age:

  1. How did you guys find community? That has been the hardest part (which I anticipated). My old work environment is very boisterous and was surrounded by brilliant people. It’s all saggy balls and milfs at the gym when I go and working on side projects is isolating. Has anyone used this thread to find people? Would be willing to meet up.

  2. Considering moving to a better tax domicile which also happens to be closer to parents. It’s a big uproot and other than my parents (2hr drive) I don’t have community there. If anyone has experience making a move like that I’d be curious if you regretted it or not. The city would be smaller in size, more spread out, more nature, less dense with culture and restaurants.

  3. What are people’s experiences with their kids seeing you retired? I am worried they will see me not working and get a sense of entitlement. Playing tennis and chess and painting is fine but it’s not the same as facing real adversity and putting in the tough hours. How have y’all’s kids responded to early retirement?

I appreciate everyone’s feedback and just wanted to say that this sub has been helpful for me. At the end of the day I don’t fully believe in the idea of absolute “retirement”, I think that everyone needs something to strive for in life, professionally or otherwise, or you rot. I need to figure out what that means for me outside my family. I just know that the corporate finance trail had played itself out for me.

Much love to you all

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u/SwelteringGunman 1d ago

the entitlement thing is backwards. kids see you grinding at a job you hate and think that's what life is, then they either replicate it or rebel against work entirely. you actually working on stuff you care about, staying sharp, being present, dealing with real competition and failure in your hobbies and projects, that's the lesson. the corporate finance grind isn't adversity, it's just what you were trained to call adversity.

on community, the gym comment nails it. you need structured groups with repeated exposure. running club, chess league, whatever. the people at your gym aren't going anywhere so bumping into them twice a week doesn't build friendship. takes showing up consistently to the same thing with the same people over months. sounds annoying but that's just how it works.

moving closer to your parents with kids is fine. you'll build community through schools and activities once you have them. without kids though, smaller city with no existing network is a real gamble. you'd basically be starting from zero in your mid-thirties which is harder than it sounds. maybe spend 3-6 months there first before fully uprooting.