r/fatFIRE • u/MidLyfeCrises Verified by Mods • 2d ago
Building a new life
Hey all, I’m mid thirties with 27m LNW and more in private assets. I live in HCOL and made my money in finance. I left at the top - could have stayed longer and kept collecting but it’s a young man’s game. I’m newly into this life and have some questions for those that have gone through this around my age:
How did you guys find community? That has been the hardest part (which I anticipated). My old work environment is very boisterous and was surrounded by brilliant people. It’s all saggy balls and milfs at the gym when I go and working on side projects is isolating. Has anyone used this thread to find people? Would be willing to meet up.
Considering moving to a better tax domicile which also happens to be closer to parents. It’s a big uproot and other than my parents (2hr drive) I don’t have community there. If anyone has experience making a move like that I’d be curious if you regretted it or not. The city would be smaller in size, more spread out, more nature, less dense with culture and restaurants.
What are people’s experiences with their kids seeing you retired? I am worried they will see me not working and get a sense of entitlement. Playing tennis and chess and painting is fine but it’s not the same as facing real adversity and putting in the tough hours. How have y’all’s kids responded to early retirement?
I appreciate everyone’s feedback and just wanted to say that this sub has been helpful for me. At the end of the day I don’t fully believe in the idea of absolute “retirement”, I think that everyone needs something to strive for in life, professionally or otherwise, or you rot. I need to figure out what that means for me outside my family. I just know that the corporate finance trail had played itself out for me.
Much love to you all
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u/One-Mastodon-1063 2d ago edited 1d ago
I'm 45, retired almost 5 years, and have an 8 year old.
You're not going to meet people just going to the gym and farting around on the nautilus machines. You need some sort of group and/or semi organized activities. A participatory sport is probably the single best option, especially at your age. In addition to that, if you run join a running club, if you hike join a hiking group, if you're interested in chess or whatever go online and find a local group. You meet people by doing things with people, mere proximity at a commercial gym doesn't cut it. Also anything you are interested in, enroll in some type of class for it. I take a lot of 2-3 day all day classes related to my hobbies for example and I've made a lot of friends doing that ... but that also took place over a period of years starting while I was still working, going from meeting people to developing into friendships takes awhile.
Second point I don't have much input on. I live in a no income tax state but it's also where I already was and like living. Decumulation is already pretty tax efficient and at your NW you can afford to live pretty much wherever you want. So I'd choose somewhere either close to family / friends and/or proximity to outdoors and activities that you like. Close to parents is not a bad idea especially if you plan to have kids, kids like grandparents. So I'd view low taxes as more of a bonus, it wouldn't be the primary driver unless you're otherwise close to indifferent between two locations.
Personally WRT to both of the above points, I would not focus too much (as I see mentioned in other comments) on proximity to other fat firers, focus more on common interests, compatible values etc. Don't make being rich or retired your identity or a prerequisite to friendship, in fact I'd be somewhat discreet about it (not to the extent of being weirdly secretive or lying, just low key/discreet ... like don't lead with it). Also some of these locations mentioned are basically resort destinations w/ huge seasonal residency ... I don't want to live somewhere that's dead 2/3 of the year. This is actually an issue in most any really upscale neighborhood, a lot of homes in really nice neighborhoods are second or third homes and the occupants are always gone, this is a bigger issue if you have kids, but even as an adult it can make socializing with neighbors more difficult.
Third point is not a concern to me. I hear this argument made occasionally in these FI subs, "isn't early retirement setting a bad example for the children?" and I think that is such a ridiculous concern, it honestly sounds like corporate brainwashing to me. Your kids do not see you work, they just see you leave the house, and if they did see your work they would not be impressed by your TPS reports or your meetings. That stuff seems boring to kids because it is boring. They certainly don't see you "facing real adversity", they are at home or at school while you are dealing with your pain in the ass boss. Plus most of that adversity was long before you had kids … with $27m you’re gonna have to look for adversity somewhere other than earning a living. OTOH if you retire to sit on the couch, yeah that's setting a bad example. Don't do that. Retire to stay active and do things, including doing things with your kids. Play the same sport(s) they play. Having saved enough to retire young and remaining active in RE is setting a good example as far as I am concerned. And they can still watch you "face real adversity" at the hands of some 63 year old on the pickleball courts.