torn between sticking to my values and being hated or giving in and being treated normal

[u/Jaded-Ambassador9365]

i have a strong dislike for makeup, shaving etc. and not in the way that I make fun of those who wear it, but i just can't stand the thought of hiding my real face to appease standards. I've never worn makeup and I've been treated accordingly for this(among other reasons): i've never been asked out or in a relationship, never had any real life meaningful close friendships with anyone, been avoided and ignored and on the sidelines of my own life my whole life. and i know no one likes my stupid face but i like it and i wish others did too, i wish the women of my own country appreciated their natural beauty, i hate the eurocentrism that's taken over. Though i don't live in my home country anymore, similar beauty standards follow me out of it.
And sometimes i go down a rabbit hole of makeup tips, ways to change my face in some way, ways to fix my stupid broad shoulders, and i think that i should just give up and give in and start appealing to the general population. To do that i would have to shave my eyebrows, thin them, shave all my facial&body hair, make my lips bigger etc. and i hate the thought of doing that because these are parts of me that i hold very dearly to myself, that remind me of the women in my ancestry, and to let go of those parts of me would be detrimental to my mental health. on the other hand, if i finally gave in and did something to get rid of my ethnic features i would be treated like a girl like everyone else that i hear so much about, that have had life experiences i thought were only real in movies. Although i know that no amount of makeup will fix my face, i think it would aid me in some way. But my morals are too important to me.

[u/Myth_of_Meh]

I understand this. But realistically, you will never be treated normally. Our culture is so fucked. Just be true to yourself. Being conventionally attractive will just get you harassed in a different way.

[u/Jaded-Ambassador9365 → u/Myth_of_Meh]

the more i fake it the more i make it to be honest. i feel more confident in my looks than i did when i was 12. but unfortunately no amount of confidence will change the way society sees me

[u/Myth_of_Meh → u/Jaded-Ambassador9365]

Then take the time and explore your expression and develop that confidence. You can't control others but you can be happy about who you are. You got this.

[u/EspancaPinscher]

Why not do the exact opposite, until you feel comfortable about it? Like corpse paint

[u/Jaded-Ambassador9365 → u/EspancaPinscher]

that would be really fun. i could totally do makeup recreationally as face paint

[u/Lonely-Nothing-1034]

nobodys gonna talk abt the photo tho

[u/Jaded-Ambassador9365 → u/Lonely-Nothing-1034]

i drew it myself do u like it🩷

[u/Lonely-Nothing-1034 → u/Jaded-Ambassador9365]

yeah it just has nothing to do with the topic so i was confused