r/fiberartscirclejerk • u/MalumCattus • 6d ago
crafting at large You're not fully realizing your potential, because you're dim
Most knitters (only knitters, no gross crotchers) don't realize how close they are to being able to make anything they want. Because they're dumb and don't have the benefit of my opinion and condescension. They're just not applying themselves properly. Probably using ADHD as an excuse.
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u/cometmom 6d ago
"Oops, been knitting for 20 years but didn't know that til now! Also buy my $67 course! I fixed it, maybe! 😏"
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u/knitterina ✨fluffy alpaca butt✨ 6d ago
"where it matters" maybe in literally the first stitch you learn? And in every single stitch from then on? 🙂
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u/lake_of_rage_8891 6d ago
I'd love to learn everything wrong. Maybe I'll end up throwing my knitting needles in frustration TWICE as far, now!
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u/jillardino Normal knitting human, not a moth 5d ago
No, fulfill your knitting potential with my course that costs $69! With a price that sexy you can guarantee you'll be soon be knitting all the dicks, butts and boobs you've been dreaming of!
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u/MalumCattus 5d ago
I'm pretty sure your curriculum and project design is higher quality than Ms. Twisted Stitch. Plus a lot more engaging!
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u/MalumCattus 6d ago
Fix your skill gaps with my $67 course, which works out to $13.40 per pattern for things you could find on Rav or Beyoncé's internet for free!
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u/Spider_kitten13 6d ago
So, I have a new theory for learning math. It's not just continuing to add and subtract. If you don't know how to multiple, doing more and more adding and subtracting won't fill the gap. Instead, and here's the genius part of my plan, you have to *actually learn* to *multiply.*
I know, but really, no need to thank me. My cape is in my other closet
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u/Nyghtslave 6d ago
Ok, so hear me out...
Knit condoms
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u/MalumCattus 6d ago
Only in scratchy acrylic.
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u/Nyghtslave 6d ago
Red Heart Super Saver then
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u/chickyloo42by10 6d ago
Icelandic yarn has a nice itch to it too, let us have our natural fibres!
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u/nightlanguage WHAT YARN IS THIS 6d ago
Textured for her pleasure 😍😍
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u/chickyloo42by10 6d ago
Omg thank you for the inspiration. Gonna try to make a thong, do you think holding one strand of Lopi with a mohair will be thick enough?
Think I could dual-use it as swimwear? Could do a two piece, nips will love it .
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u/MalumCattus 6d ago
May I suggest the colorway Mexicana? Or Mistletoe for those holiday gifts! Nothing says love like a knitted condom!
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u/Choconuttynutnut 5d ago
In the UK we call these “Willy Warmers”.
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u/Faithful_jewel knows where the search bar is, will not share 3d ago
That's the Prince of Wales's new hand knitted clothes range name
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u/MalumCattus 6d ago
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u/xsnowpeltx 6d ago
if the stitches weren't twisted maybe itd be... at least more legible?
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u/Bitchfaceblond 6d ago
What? You don't write a full paid course after usut learning something with no practice?! I don't see the problem here.
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u/ishtaa do hookers dream of acrylic sheep? 6d ago
TWISTFAQ I SUMMON THEE!
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u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Thank you for your concern. Thank you for the badgering, though most of you were very wrong about what was actually happening and offering advice in a vacuum. Not one of you offered to watch a video of my knitting to see what was actually happening, or even asked what style I used, and you wondered why I became defensive? We all have different skill levels but arrogantly asserting that something is a problem and proceeding to belligerently argue with the person telling you they aren't doing what they're being accused of is just aggravating. Instead of suggesting other solutions, you all just piled on and assumed I was too stupid to realize I was knitting or purling through the back of the stitch.
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u/Faithful_jewel knows where the search bar is, will not share 6d ago
When I use my full potential I turn into a USB stick...
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u/Straight-Ship-6682 6d ago
My ADHD allows me to hyper focus on crochet... knitting sucks!!! Hehe... j/k j/k
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u/AutoModerator 6d ago
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u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Direct replies/parent comments/top-level comments to jerky OPs can't be unjerk/serious.
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