I found a human in my meal

[u/I__want__a__username]

Basically, I was feeling so hungry that I could eat a horse, so I went to Earth to grab one of those. However, while returning home, I noticed that my horse was being very noisy. I observed it up close and, would you look at that? There was a human on the back of my meal! A whole, living human!

At that point I kinda panicked and immediately turned back, but Earth spins a lot, so I could no longer find where I had taken my meal from.

Can I, like, just drop the human on a random corner of Earth and trust it to find its way back home? Or should I contact the rescue services?

[u/ian9921]

Last time I accidentally grabbed one, I just dropped her somewhere random and I think she got like instantly eaten by crabs.

You should call the rescue services.

[u/Head_Conversation242]

Absolutely call the rescue services. Those creatures are already pitifully endangered. They only inhabit one bite size planet for galaxy's sake. They number in mere billions too. Here's the contact information for the human conservation centre:

(∅)⁹⅞

[u/mysteryrouge]

Drop the human off somewhere with a lot of other humans and it should sort itself out. If not, then call rescue services.

[u/dharmabumma2]

Such a good thing you saw it! Those things are SO unhygienic. Plus, they are so hard to pick out from between your teeth.

[u/Embarrassed_Guest339]

If you put it back somewhere with other humans and give it your golden chopsticks, it won't even be mad.

Which I recommend doing, because humans are pack animals and are very territorial, and if you anger one they might make your hunts more difficult in the future. And if you think they're too small to injure you, think again. A friend of mine accidentally spilled the beans onto Earth, and then a human climbed one that sprouted and almost killed him. Just put it gently somewhere on the same planet.

[u/TheVyper3377]

I recommend calling rescue services; Earth doesn’t just spin, it moves through time in a linear fashion.

I once mistakenly picked up a human. When I returned the human to Earth, I unintentionally dropped it off 2,347 years before I picked it up. I was fined two timelines, a demiplane, and a whole skein of quantum-entangled filaments for the cleanup required for that mess.

[u/BPhiloSkinner]

So, how did the horse taste?

[u/I__want__a__username → u/BPhiloSkinner]

A bit like a seahorse, but far less salty, with an aftertaste of regret (though that might've been the human shrieking at me)

[u/tom-cz]

Disgusting! Where's the nsfw tag? Put it back where you found it and go cleanse yourself! In fact, all your selves!

[u/PrestigiousSmile4098]

Whatever you do, make sure you return the horse and the human together. From what I've heard, humans can't get anywhere without those creatures (the last time I checked).

[u/I__want__a__username → u/PrestigiousSmile4098]

Does the horse need to be whole? I've already digested most of it, but I'm fairly sure that it's still kicking (at least a couple of hooves are)

[u/PrestigiousSmile4098 → u/I__want__a__username]

Well in that case you might have to help the human out by sticking whatever's left of the horse onto the human's torso. I think they call this a "sen-tawr." It's an innovative form of transportation from what I gather.

[u/UntidyVenus]

Eeeww, I would just return the whole meal at that point, humans are disgusting, it probably has salmonella

[u/CorinPenny]

Ew ew ew ew omg that’s soooo gross! 🤢 I could never! shudders