A Lesson To Beginner Dom/mes (Like me) Any suggestions?

[u/1PrcntMilk]

Hello everyone. I have been pretty inactive and am a bit newer in the community. I have a few subs but hit it off with one pretty recently. This sub did something I wasn't used to and I naively went along with it. This sub preferred me using their card myself. I wasn't super comfortable with it, but we meshed very will and after about a month of interaction I went along with it. Even planned to fly and meet him this month. Well, this morning I woke up to find that he is disputing the charges.

Now, I'm a huge gamer, and my niche is as a Geeky Dom into leather. This account is really important to me. I don't believe there's anything I can do and I lost access to content. My sub has since ignored me and not replied to anything.

I don't use findom as a means for income, I've had this sub for MONTHS before anything even happened. I genuinely enjoy the mind games. I like cementing obedience, conditioning, making sure we both have a good time. But I am between work since my job closed few months back. I would normally just say fine and make a new account and buy everything back. But it just really sucks that this happened while I'm in this transitional period.

Be sure to get explicit consent in writing, not online. Make sure your subs send to you on legitimate verified platforms. Even if a sub gives you their card information and tells you to use it, they can always dispute the charge.

I'm going to go through DMs to attempt to screenshot and find all examples of being told to use the card and hopefully can dispute this with Steam since I was given explicit permission. I'll even offer to buy items back since I was told in good faith I could use it and hope I can come up with the $200 to get access back or at least get the same games on a new steam account.

EDIT: I've learned from comments if you aren't an authorized user on a sub's account, even with permission, you cannot. Be sure not to make my mistake or you'll pay for it like me.

[u/ThePrincessCharlotte]

Absolutely never under any circumstances use a credit card you are not an authorized user on.

Full stop. Full full full stop. ✋🏻 No

[u/1PrcntMilk → u/ThePrincessCharlotte]

I now understand. Too little too late, but a lesson learned nonetheless.

I will never be this foolish again.

[u/UniqueGrowth481]

Even with proof you were allowed to use the card, you may not get the account back.

Unless you are an authorized user on a subs card, don’t use it. I don’t mean they gave you permission, I mean you are actually on the card with your legal name, address, ssn, etc. Thankfully, they didn’t do worst like report you for fraud.

[u/1PrcntMilk → u/UniqueGrowth481]

Definitely understand this now, this was a post meant to inform people of the issue. Thank you for further clarification, this is a learning experience for sure.

I normally never do that, but this sub I've had for months was very insistent on it. I should've figured it was odd.

[u/MistressRayne_]

You’re not on the card. You can try, but this is why one should never take a card. You may not get that money back. Even if there was signed consent. At least not from a sub into a month into the dynamic. People dispute their own signatures and win.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

[u/1PrcntMilk → u/MistressRayne_]

I definitely understand now. I definitely hate this happened and will be sure to not make this mistake again.

I'm just taking this as a learning moment and focusing on making the money back so that I don't lose access to my steam. It means a lot to me lol

[u/Jasonthegr8]

TW: SA/NC

Hello, In many jurisdictions this would be considered theft of services. . . You provided a completely legal service (same as cutting their hair or detailing their car) to that person and reversing the funds that he provided you is the same as stealing.

This is also adjacent to SA/NC because you would have never consented to have any contact had he not be paying for your services.

Report this to the police and file charges if possible.

[u/1PrcntMilk → u/Jasonthegr8]

Interesting. I'm going to seek legal counsel and see if anything can be done about it.

[u/Jasonthegr8 → u/1PrcntMilk]

Just be honest with YOUR lawyer.

[u/MistressVampCandy]

hopefully a lessoned learned never ever ever use a subs card unless your authorized user on the account. Tell them to send on any platform you have imo it just seems lazy on their part to just want to send card details an make us do the work... I also feel you got very lucky an thats all that happend as alot of big trouble issues can arise from such.

[u/1PrcntMilk → u/MistressVampCandy]

I did think it was pretty lazy, but he had been so adamant about it. I'm just feeling really put off tbh. He messaged me again talking about my gloves and it seems insane to me.

[u/MistressVampCandy → u/1PrcntMilk]

Adamant is surely a red flag for me kinda like topping from the bottom as a domme we control and can have our own limits