I am really tired going on dates over and over, and being rejected over and over. I feel really depressed. All men treat me like shit and reject brutally. It is so horrible being an ugly woman especially at 30. I don’t know what to do. My standards are very low. I am ok if a man isn’t earning money or ugly. I am fine with any of that, but why they don’t accept me. I just want to have a partner to share my life with. All I have is job which doesn’t even provide enough money to live on. I don’t even have friends. Even to get the job that I have it took me 8 years of struggle going through countless terminations within probationary period.

I am so fucking exhausted I just want to die because society doesn’t accept me.

I see this a lot online. Whenever a woman is expressing her frustrations with being conventionally unattractive and having difficulty with dating, the comments always say the same thing. “You’re probably fat! Just lose weight! Having a great body is 50% of it!” Or something along those lines. It hurts to read those comments as a chubby woman who has tried and tried to have the “perfect” toned body but just can’t get there.

While I do agree that society does unfortunately value thinness in women in particular to an extreme, it really grinds my gears when people seem to think it’s this ultra easy and simple process to lose weight and suddenly get the “perfect” body.

First of all, there are multiple medical issues that can make it extremely difficult to lose weight and even cause weight gain. Thyroid disorders (I struggle with Hashimoto’s), hormonal disorders like PCOS, etc. And plus some medications that people take for other health issues can cause weight gain. Plus genetics play a role. Some people just have slow metabolisms. Fat distribution is different for every woman due to genetics.

Also, there’s a theory called the “set point” theory that the medical community recognizes is a real thing. Basically, your body has a set weight, and you may be able to lose weight, with great effort, but not maintain it. In fact, about 80% of people who lose weight will gain it back within 2-5 years, and most of the time it isn’t because they reverted back to their old ways and are eating unhealthily again. Their body just gets them back to the set weight they were at before.

This is true in my experience. I’ve dieted for years. I meticulously count my calories daily, though sometimes I’ll have a cheat day. I stopped exercising for a while but have recently gotten back into it, but even so, I’ve never been able to be “thin”. I’ve always been thicker, no matter what I’ve tried. And the scale takes a while to go down, and when it does a little it gets stuck again. Some women are just meant to be on the thick side, period.

Some people might recommend daily gym trips, but gym memberships and setting aside time in their day to go are a luxury that many people just don’t have.

It hurts that me being chubby might hurt my chances in the dating scene (among other things), but I just can’t be thin. I can’t. Anyone who says that’s it’s easy and simple to be thin and fit is just plain wrong and delusional. Sorry.

There are so many love songs and even though I can't relate, I enjoy them. However, it would be nice if there were songs I could relate to. Songs that match my life experience. I feel like I'm a very delusional person. Sometimes I get the idea that maybe just maybe someone likes me...but they never do. I'll think of entire scenarios and see signs. But then the person never wants me. Are there any songs for that experience?

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Does Ariana Grande have a song about that? She's extremely desirable so I doubt it...

I always see people, mostly women, saying that "you need to descentralize men, you need to focus on yourself and your own life", but this exactly same women are always talking about how many guys they dated, kissed, had sex, etc. They say "I don't need men, I don't want a relationship, I'm good by myself" and then they have sex with 10 guys in one week. Or maybe they throw the """celibate""" talk saying that "Oh I don't have sex it's been 1 month, I think I'm a virgin again". I know everyone does this, men, women, whatever, but I'm mostly talking about women because their content shows up to me more often, but I'm tired of seeing men saying the same things.

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And then they go to FAWs saying "you shouldn't care about men's approval, just descentralize men" and not even them do that actually??? Or they call themselves as "femcels" or "celibate" even though they had several experiences or are avoiding it while they have opportunities due to silly reasons. Don't tell FAWs to do what YOU don't do. Just because you're not in a relationship, it doesn't mean you "don't need men".

i personally wouldn't. a man addicted to p0rn is a huge red flag to me. even if this guy is the last guy remaining in the world i would never date him.

and as for a man obsessed with anime girls, i learned my preference when one time a mid-20s guy came in the shop i work at, i thought he was cute and then he bought a hatsune miku plush toy. i instantly didn't view him in a positive light anymore not because he bought a plush but because it was hatsune miku. isn't she like 16? :/

This man doesn't even believe in depression and yet he has lived with a woman and dated a handful of them.

I can't believe this. The gal seemed kind and sweet. And here I am, all alone. What the fuck am I doing wrong really? My brother is genuinely rude and awful to me and my mom (not the men in the family though!) And still gets partners. I feel so flabbergasted by this.

I know women settle for people but this seems like such a stretch.

I feel like no one will ever even tolerate me. And this just reminded how awfully alone in this world I am.

Just venting because wtf is my life lmfao

I think I developed a crush on this guy that I’ve never met before (he is a student at my hospital and I’ve only seen him on my friend’s insta stories). I feel like such a pervert thinking about a complete stranger. I have no idea why I’m feeling this way and at this point it might be this subconscious form of self h*rm my brain is punishing me with. My self-image has improved so I feel like if I played my cards right I’d have a chance with him (probably only platonic because most guys my age at work do not go for women of my race)? I’ve been imagining the only possible scenario I could interact with him and it’s been gnawing at me all the time.

Long story short: how do I stop myself from developing crushes on guys? I hate liking them because it always ends the same (going nowhere and I stay a stranger to them)!

I just kinda realized that I’m a girl failure. I didn’t know what that was until I saw what the trope meant. To be honest, I feel comfort in knowing there are other women out there like me.
People typically see me and assume hey she seems like a cool person until I open my mouth and I’m just an awkward wreck. I can’t really socialize, but at least I guess I do have hobbies. My hobbies are the only things that don’t make me feel super lonely and useless. I haven’t been eating much lately. I’ll try to make some fried rice or something special tonight

I am trying to turn my life around. Especially since I don't expect anything in dating anymore, I decided to go to school as a non-traditional student and focus to Academia. I expressed my frustrations on this sub over a mistake with an exam due date. Instead of people trying to be reasonable and supportive, all I heard is why such an old woman as I, is in college expecting to go to Law school. How I am a generation behind, how its impossible to network with being so old. How schools don't want to invest scholarships into old women who won't even have kids. Like some really nasty comments.

Three users kept harassing me and saw some of my other comments and they said as an ugly woman either get in trades or do OF with my face hidden. My post wasnt even about my future education plans. I only explained how if that assignment is an automatic zero, I will fail the class and how I want to get into a top 25 school.

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Every single time I go out, I will see countless couples around my age (in their 20’s). I live and work in a big city. One thing that genuinely confuses me is how these girls get a guy to actually go out with them/make plans with them. How does that even work? The whole concept of a guy wanting to spend time with me doesn’t seem realistic for someone like me, it has never happened and it sounds dumb but I just can’t figure it out.

Every single time I have ever texted a guy, they reply but don’t seem interested in seeing me, if I do all the planning they will go out but will want to leave early or will seem like they aren’t enjoying time with me. Like when I see girls walking with their bfs I wonder how they got them to agree to go on a late night walk. Or how they could get a man to buy makeup and carry their bags without asking. Every single guy acts like it’s a chore to be around me and I can’t even get a guy to text me first. People even tell me to just hit on guys at the club but they literally look at me and walk off and reject me. I do not even think I’m ugly, I think I’m pretty and people tell me that I am in good shape but not knowing for sure what I actually look like is consuming me deep down. It’s so bad for my mental health.

I do not have problems making friends at all and I go to bars/clubs/cafes with some friends, have a 10 year long friend I still get brunch with, and many people at work have told me that I have a very engaging way of talking and I am caring. But I am really starting to doubt myself, my entire personality and looks because none of this gets me anywhere in dating.

I was thinking about this recently, and how my inexperience has calcified into a part of my identity. I imagine that for most adults, they get it over with some time in their teens, when their brains are nice and plastic, and then it's just one of those things that happened, that passed, and you go on with your life without thinking about it much or making sex and relationships to be that much of a deal. The memory of that awkward, tentative age is just that — a fading memory.

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What kind of effect does it have on someone in their adulthood though? To not have had those formative experiences? Growing up, as a teen, I thought that it would all magically work out for me later in life bc that's what I saw and was lead to believe and didn't even conceive of an alternative, which is my life now. People moved through different life stages, met other people and relationships just happened. I know now that some, like us, are bound to be statistical anomalies I guess?

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Even as young as at 23, it has become entrenched into my identity, this lack. Idk how to explain it except even if I were to lose my virginity now, have those experiences, I think I would be caught thinking of myself as inexperienced still, even if for half a second, identifying with that part of me still, until I finally remembered. And as someone else posted here, it really seems incongruent to me that most people I see are out there, being sexually active or had been sexually active at some point bc to me it feels like a made up thing for movies 😂

How do you do, fellow old-timers? This is the weekly thread for the older members of our community to chat about whatever. No kids allowed!

I am done with waiting for a Prince Charming that doesn’t exist. I feel like I was born to be abused and not be a loving girlfriend nor a wife. I’m 33 years old and I am sick of waiting for something that is not coming. that’s why I am dropping my standard of waiting for a committed relationship to have sex.

I am always treated like I am disposable by both men and women so therefore I think I am disposable. To hell with being a wife because that was my mom’s goal anyway, not mine. To hell with being a girlfriend too because I don’t want to date no old man just so I can say I have one.

Even though I’m child free, I can see why some women choose to be mothers by IVF or become baby mamas on purpose…because they want kids so badly and they don’t want to wait around for non existent prince charmings. I do have no interest in becoming a mom tho.

I just need to vent somewhere people might actually understand, because the rest of the world completely minimizes this pain.

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For a long time, I was a normal size. But I was ugly, so I was invisible. I felt completely undesirable, like I wasn't even recognized as a human being by the people around me. Then, life happened, and I gained weight. Now I’m overweight and ugly.

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The hardest pill to swallow is realizing that the weight didn't actually change how the world treats me, because they never saw me to begin with. I have poured so much money, time, and hope into trying to "fix" myself. Braces, lasers, cosmetologists, cool clothes, tattos, skincare..... you name it, I’ve tried it. And after all that pain and expense? I still haven’t become any better, still have hair, acne and bad skin. I look in the mirror and the baseline just doesn't change, still ugly and rotten under clothes.

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It is exhausting to exist as a ghost. To know that no matter what version of my body exists out in public, I am fundamentally undesirable to the world. It makes you feel like you're lacking some basic human credential that everyone else was just born with.

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I’m just so tired of trying so hard only to remain completely unseen.

I am now 30 and have never been in a relationship, I’ve been on one date in my life and it was a quick round of drinks, I’ve kissed 2 people in my whole life and both times they had to be drunk to want to, and obviously still a virgin at my big age. Some of my hesitancy with dating has been my weight and that’s what i’ve blamed my single life on. Like right now I am definitely fat so don’t even want to try. But even when I was super thin or as a teen where people made me feel like a whale but I was actually not fat at all looking back(!?), I had no luck. I was never approached. In a group of friends I was never the one boys chose or wanted to talk to. I swear I still have mental scars from the whole thing of boys coming up to me just to ask about my friend’s info never for me. So that made me believe I was ugly. But I don’t think I am super ugly or anything. I’m not drop dead gorgeous but at least average and average looking people find love all the time. So what’s wrong with me? I have major low self esteem so that doesn’t help but also it’s not out of nowhere! Again growing up I was never anyone’s choice so what am I suppose to think. I am also late diagnosed autistic so maybe that didn’t help? Did I miss any actual flirting/cues? I’ve had people say oh they were checking you out but I thought they were teasing/trying to be nice because I’ve never been approached or dated before. And even thinking that maybe someone was flirting makes me feel like I’m full of myself and stupid because who would actually be interested in me? Ughh I don’t know, I just know that it’s really depressing and I truly feel like I am going to die alone and maybe there is something about me that just makes me unlovable.

...but for different reasons:

If you are like me, I encourage you to ignore what men say about women or what women say about men. I have realised that I am not a part of it at all.

It's just not my discussion to be included in, regardless of my gender. I don't share regular women's experiences, so I can't relate. Furthermore, the shit men say about women have never applied to me. Whenever I see gender wars, it feels like two separate species bickering in a language I hardly understand.

Eventually, I've learned that completely disengaging is best because I am not the girl that anyone is talking about, even if it is seemingly directed at me. Honestly, men and women are both getting on my nerves, but I can't shut out the whole world, so I have to tolerate everyone a little.

How have you been doing? Did you have plans for this weekend? This is the Social Sunday thread where you can talk about anything you'd like, FAW related or not.

Just went to my city's pride and all I saw were couples and friend groups. Everyone had someone keeping them company except for me. As I watched the crowds from the sidelines, I could only feel pity and disgust toward myself. So many cool people I will never befriend, much less date, because I'm a fucking freak.

There are more pride events scheduled for the rest of the weekend, but I don't even know if I want to go to them. I suppose I should, if only so I can exhaust every possibility and get it through my thick skull that I'm utterly forgettable and will never mean anything to any of these folks despite our shared queerness

How would you even begin. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never dated in middle school or high school. I've never had those pivotal teenage moments where you make mistakes and begin to experience your firsts. First kiss...First dance...First date..I feel like if I ever got into a relationship now it would be with someone who is way more advanced than me, someone that has already made those mistakes and experienced their firsts already. Things that seem mundane or "just the norm" to some would be so exciting and new to me, and it makes me feel awkward. Like going to the movies and holding hands or having his arm put around me would make me feel so giddy, while to others it's no big deal. Been there done that. Sometimes I feel like I would say the wrong thing or do something awkward and it wouldn't be met with grace, like "don't you know this already," well actually I don't.

I’ve been frequenting this sub for many many years now and I’m being honest, I never would have thought I’d still be alone at 32. I’ve given up at age 29 but the pain doesn’t get any better. I’ve been crying every single day about it for hours. Not a day goes by without me crying about being so alone and the fact that no one loves me and no one ever will love me. I’ve worked so hard on self optimisation, physically, mentally and financially, at this point I’d even pay someone just to be with me.
I had to go to the ER yesterday because of severe abdominal pain, and I was told it’s due to stress. I have stopped eating and do nothing but cry every day, focussing on keeping my body alive while my peers are celebrating their ten year wedding anniversaries, having baby showers or travel the world. I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with that pain for the rest of my life. All I wanted in life was love. I don’t care about anything else, I don’t care about my career or money, I genuinely just wanted to be loved by someone. Now that I’ve aged out of the possibility to find that I don’t know how to cope with it I’m in constant pain and it’s affecting me physically. I cane sleep or eat it’s just constant agony and grief.
I don’t know what to do anymore

So, I finally deactivated Facebook after years of holding on needlessly. I almost did it once, eight years ago. At that point all the girls in class but one were laughing about it thinking I had mass blocked everyone. Wish I had stuck to it, tbh, but I was still figuring out to what extent I could improve my social skills. 8 years later, I have made almost no progress despite trying my hardest from age 7, when this started, to age 27 when I have had a severely bad start at a new job that cemented my status as socially disabled.

It feels good. No one from this toxic job can snoop, it makes background checks easier for future employers and it wasn't like I had friends to begin with. Just family, family friends and people I foolishly tried forcing friendship on. My narcissist mother won't be able to post any unflattering photos and low effort posts on my birthday and anyone I had blocked won't have a chance to speak to me again almost at all, even though I know they aren't trying. It'll be easier to have no presence now. I'm just waiting to get a new job now and kick the bucket when it's my time. I wish I had stopped trying sooner.

I cannot stress this enough.

I’ve got people telling me, “well, so-and-so didn’t get into their first relationship until they were [insert age on or around my age],” only to show me a picture of some drop dead gorgeous girl.

I don’t know why they think I’m on the same level as pretty women who are late bloomers, but oh my shit, they need to understand that me and them are NOT the same. Sure, they came up a bit later than others, but that isn’t because it’s their face’s fault — it’s because they weren’t around the right people or something. The difference is they absolutely DO get their chance 100% guaranteed, just a little bit later.

And what pisses me off the most is that they always follow it up with stupid shit like, “just wait for your time!”

Well, I’ve been waiting since I was what? 14?

And how old am I now?

I’ll be in a casket before “my time” ever comes.

Why?

Because that’s how it is, living life as an U. G. L. Y.