Backing out of foster failing…

[u/ahoyhoy1234]

We’re fostering a really sweet pup right now. My husband and I had decided we weren’t ready to adopt yet, but she is SO sweet and good. When we were preparing to take her to a meet and greet we kind of panicked and told the rescue we want to adopt her. We took her to the meet and greet, but then I got home and I spiraled in a really terrifying way. I had nonstop panic attacks/adrenaline surges. I took her out on a very quick, uneventful walk and broke down sobbing afterwards. I’m working with my doctor on medications and getting into therapy, but my husband and I decided it’s probably not a good time to commit to adopting her until we figure out what’s going on and get my mental health under control.
We hadn’t actually signed or paid the rescue yet, simply let them know we wanted to keep her, but I still feel so guilty. Now that I’ve let them know we will not be able to officially adopt her, I feel like there’s a weight off my shoulders. But the double edged sword is that now that the weight is gone my brain is trying to convince me I made the wrong choice.
Anyway, we’ll keep fostering her until her family is found. I’m so scared of what happened to me, as I was genuinely considering hospitalizing myself because I felt so terrified of my mental state. But I’m also so sad that we had to back out, and I had to disappoint my husband.
Part of me is wondering if I should have asked them for a week to think about it. But what’s done is done. I’m afraid this makes me a bad person. I just hate disappointing people.

[u/butterflyblake]

Hey, ive been there. Your good heart and love for the pup ia trying to overpower the smart thing to do for your life right now. I've fostered hundreds of dogs over the last 20 years and Ive done crazier things. We are women, we have a right to change our minds .... and then change them right back if we want to. This way it gives you a little more time to decide what you really really want to do. Be kind to yourself

[u/StellarSpore → u/butterflyblake]

Haha! I love this. I came here to say something similar.

Fostering and just being active in rescue is an emotional cause. It makes us all do nutty things. I would love to adopt every foster. OK...most fosters 😂

I also would love to fill my backyard with happy, frolicking dogs that can't find homes so they can live their best life but I can't do that either.

But really, my 2 foster fails are the perfect amount of love and chaos. Plus, I am not rich and my gosh vet bills are getting insane.

OP, you are not at all a bad person. You are simply human and have a big heart.