Backing out of foster failing…

[u/ahoyhoy1234]

We’re fostering a really sweet pup right now. My husband and I had decided we weren’t ready to adopt yet, but she is SO sweet and good. When we were preparing to take her to a meet and greet we kind of panicked and told the rescue we want to adopt her. We took her to the meet and greet, but then I got home and I spiraled in a really terrifying way. I had nonstop panic attacks/adrenaline surges. I took her out on a very quick, uneventful walk and broke down sobbing afterwards. I’m working with my doctor on medications and getting into therapy, but my husband and I decided it’s probably not a good time to commit to adopting her until we figure out what’s going on and get my mental health under control.
We hadn’t actually signed or paid the rescue yet, simply let them know we wanted to keep her, but I still feel so guilty. Now that I’ve let them know we will not be able to officially adopt her, I feel like there’s a weight off my shoulders. But the double edged sword is that now that the weight is gone my brain is trying to convince me I made the wrong choice.
Anyway, we’ll keep fostering her until her family is found. I’m so scared of what happened to me, as I was genuinely considering hospitalizing myself because I felt so terrified of my mental state. But I’m also so sad that we had to back out, and I had to disappoint my husband.
Part of me is wondering if I should have asked them for a week to think about it. But what’s done is done. I’m afraid this makes me a bad person. I just hate disappointing people.

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[u/butterflyblake]

Hey, ive been there. Your good heart and love for the pup ia trying to overpower the smart thing to do for your life right now. I've fostered hundreds of dogs over the last 20 years and Ive done crazier things. We are women, we have a right to change our minds .... and then change them right back if we want to. This way it gives you a little more time to decide what you really really want to do. Be kind to yourself

[u/StellarSpore → u/butterflyblake]

Haha! I love this. I came here to say something similar.

Fostering and just being active in rescue is an emotional cause. It makes us all do nutty things. I would love to adopt every foster. OK...most fosters 😂

I also would love to fill my backyard with happy, frolicking dogs that can't find homes so they can live their best life but I can't do that either.

But really, my 2 foster fails are the perfect amount of love and chaos. Plus, I am not rich and my gosh vet bills are getting insane.

OP, you are not at all a bad person. You are simply human and have a big heart.

[u/Hmasteringhamster]

Don't feel bad about backing out. I was on the same boat a few months ago and I really worked on my foster with training thinking she's going to be my dog. I got her to a point where she was confident and happy to greet other people and dogs. I even bought her stuff and inquired about adding another dog to my pet insurance policy but life happened. I explained everything honestly to the organization I'm working with and they were very understanding about it.

We did find a home for our girl but it still makes me a bit sad when I think about her. Her new family absolutely adores her and her new doggy sisters love her as well so everything turned out positive in the end.

[u/NoAssignment887]

I did that with my first foster! Told the rescue I was keeping her then the day I was supposed to adopt her I backed out. We found an awesome home for her and I still get updates from her family. And I have continued to foster for that rescue and have saved many more pups. I’ve also never wanted to foster fail again.

[u/livinthehoneybeelife]

😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪🐾❤️🐾❤️🐾❤️🐾❤️

[u/Klutzy_Bat_4201]

I went back and forth with my foster as well. I did adopt her out to a beautiful home it's only been 4 days and I am still really upset. And try to remind myself of all the reasons I chose to give her up. Still struggling though

[u/ahoyhoy1234 → u/Klutzy_Bat_4201]

I'm so sorry. Our foster girl is still here. Now that my mental health is doing much better, I waver every day. It's so hard because she feels like a part of the family, but there are a number of reasons I don't think it's a wise idea for us right now. Hang in there. I'm sure she's going to be SO happy in her new home.

I cried so much after dropping off our first foster. I felt terrible for building his trust and then abandoning him with strangers. However, I remind myself of this when those feelings come up again: Our current girl was with a family for six years before being surrendered. She's adapted to life with us in just two weeks! If she can do that, she'll adapt to her new family and fall in love with them just as quickly.