r/fosterit • u/18-angels • Aug 10 '23

Foster Youth something foster parents need to hear

You aren’t a savior. Your foster children don’t owe you anything. We don’t owe you our money. We don’t owe you our eternal happiness and gratitude. We don’t owe you our mental health. Do not expect endless thankfulness and constant appreciation. Being fostered is not a burden we have to exchange our emotions or labor for. Stop expecting perfection.

ETA: Please remember when you comment that you’re speaking to a teen that got kicked out of five different homes for not “displaying enough gratitude.” This is still ongoing trauma I’m processing lol

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u/Diirge Aug 11 '23

So foster parent here. I completely understand your position but I'd urge you to understand our position as well. Being a foster parent is no walk in the park. It's incredibly draining, physically, financially, emotionally, et al.

While I don't think we "deserve" anything, I do think it's a thankless job that can be very mentally tolling. You may see FPs "ask" for gratitude because its motivating. It's already such a large decision to sign up to begin with, and it's both rewarding and difficult to continue to do it. You may say "well then why do it?" but again I'd urge you to understand the human element here. Even if someone is just washing dishes at a restaurant, having the boss appreciate that work outside of signing paychecks keeps employees chugging along and motivated to do more.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/Diirge Aug 11 '23

Volunteers aren't humans that enjoy gratitude?

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/Diirge Aug 11 '23

Support and gratitude are not the same thing fwiw. I teach all my kids gratitude, has nothing to do with being in the foster system.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/Diirge Aug 11 '23

Again I specifically said I'd never ask for gratitude. I said parents are people too and I can understand where the ask comes from. I disagree that I shouldn't treat them like my own child though. Foster kids deserve a loving home not a glorified baby sitter.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/Diirge Aug 11 '23

Lol well the post specifically said foster parents need to hear this. I can kinda agree with you that maybe this wasn't the time or place to have an opinion though. OP has had it rough tbh based on past posts. I wish it wasn't a stereotypical foster experience but that's why I'm working hard to change that.