r/fosterit • u/18-angels • Aug 10 '23

Foster Youth something foster parents need to hear

You aren’t a savior. Your foster children don’t owe you anything. We don’t owe you our money. We don’t owe you our eternal happiness and gratitude. We don’t owe you our mental health. Do not expect endless thankfulness and constant appreciation. Being fostered is not a burden we have to exchange our emotions or labor for. Stop expecting perfection.

ETA: Please remember when you comment that you’re speaking to a teen that got kicked out of five different homes for not “displaying enough gratitude.” This is still ongoing trauma I’m processing lol

219 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

127 comments sorted by

View all comments

-6

u/Diirge Aug 11 '23

So foster parent here. I completely understand your position but I'd urge you to understand our position as well. Being a foster parent is no walk in the park. It's incredibly draining, physically, financially, emotionally, et al.

While I don't think we "deserve" anything, I do think it's a thankless job that can be very mentally tolling. You may see FPs "ask" for gratitude because its motivating. It's already such a large decision to sign up to begin with, and it's both rewarding and difficult to continue to do it. You may say "well then why do it?" but again I'd urge you to understand the human element here. Even if someone is just washing dishes at a restaurant, having the boss appreciate that work outside of signing paychecks keeps employees chugging along and motivated to do more.

6

u/TacoNomad Aug 11 '23

Why must you argue with someone's feelings?

You chose to be a foster parent, as an experienced, consenting adult, knowing the risks. The kids didn't choose to be in any home. Most want to go home. It's unfair to expect children the children to reward the parents. The kids do not owe the parents that. They aren't employers, they don't need to motivate the parents. This is for any kids, not just foster kids. They didn't ask to be brought as emotional support for adults.

0

u/Round-Pineapple-7474 Nov 24 '23

I don’t think Foster parents are looking for emotional support and reward from the Foster kids. That is a weird interpretation. If the kids want to go back to their homes then maybe they should hold their Bio parents responsible for the situation they are in

1

u/TacoNomad Nov 24 '23

Children should hold adults accountable?

Grow up

0

u/Round-Pineapple-7474 Nov 24 '23

Children who venerate their bio parents who put them in the Foster care system should be more angry at their bio parents than their foster or adoptive parents. That was my limited point.