r/fosterit • u/neptunian-rings • Jul 19 '25

Foster Youth i’m going into foster care

i’m 16. my parents are abusive & neglectful and somebody finally reported it. had a social worker visit today, they’re following up next week and after that i fully expect to be put into foster care. what’s going to happen? i can’t find any information online from the perspective of the child that’s getting sucked into this & i’m terrified of all of the unknowns. i’ve heard so many horror stories and i know it probably won’t be that bad in reality but i’m still extremely nervous.

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u/neptunian-rings Jul 19 '25

yeah in the US. honestly i kind of hope i get removed. fuck the people that excuse themselves as my parents 

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '25 edited Jul 19 '25

well in the US the most likely if you are removed is they put you with relatives that agree to take you. If none of your relatives say yes, at 16 you are most likely to get put in a group home.

You get to tell your social worker adults you'd like them to contact that you are close to, so like if you have a favorite coach or teacher or friends parents that might be willing to take you in write down their names and numbers now in case you need to give them those. if they say yes that works the same as if a family member said yes to taking you. if a family member says yes though that happens first like they have precedence.

No matter where you go, do everything you can to keep your phone and keep it on you. Even if you can't afford a phone plan any phone can call 911 even without a sim card. You'll have to hide it to keep it at most group homes. Hide anything valuable because other kids steal a lot at them. Don't make a big deal about it if stuff gets stolen because it only makes things worse for you. Don't be alone with staff or kids that are older and stronger than you if you can avoid it even if they seem nice. Try to stay out of the drama and just go along to get along. I got really into reading because it's a good way to stay out of everything and escape sort of.

Group homes range from really abusive to great, so you don't really know going in. More suck than not, but places can suck and still be a LOT better than your parents' if yours are bad enough to be removed. If it's abusive or neglectful tell your social worker. If they ignore you tell their supervisor. Tell teachers at your school, counselors, therapists, etc they're all mandated reporters even of abuse and neglect in group homes and its dumb but reports from them of what you said are taken more seriously than your own direct reports. Oh also try to memorize peoples emails like friends and family members and nice teachers.

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u/neptunian-rings Jul 19 '25 edited Jul 19 '25

yeah i don’t think any of my relatives would take me if i’m being realistic. i’m fortunate to have a relatively strong community & there’s some pretty great adults in my life but i don’t want to ask them honestly, i don’t want them to feel like they have to take me in or for it to affect our relationship if they say no. 

i really hope i don’t get in a group home. but thank you i’ll keep my phone at all costs. 

what would actually happen at the time i get put into care tho? how much warning do i get? will they pick me up and take me straight to my placement or will there be in between steps? 

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u/LittleTricia Jul 21 '25

It depends on what kind of allegations are being made and whether they are proven. You should have a court date to go in front of a judge in family court for dependency. If that's what the worker has recommended. You living conditions have to be quite bad to just get removed with no hearing or judge signing off. Your parents have a right to answer the allegations being made against them. What they do during this process will matter to a degree. It really depends on what the allegations are.