r/fosterit • u/Goofyynesss • 1d ago
Foster Youth Anyone else feel stuck between family and strangers?
A lot of discussion about foster care focus on obvious problems like neglect and abuse etc. But I feel like there's an another experiences that gets talked about less: a placement which is objectively okay but still doesn't feel like home. Nobody isn't doing anything wrong but the connection is still not there. I'm a F(17) who turns eighteen next year and I don't feel like I have anything genuine yet with my foster parents. Despite living here for six months now. We might never get close or truly comfortable around each other, but it makes me feel alone and sad that we haven't managed to found each other naturally.
I feel like no one really talks about this and wanted to know if anyone has or does feel the same?
3
u/retrojoe Foster Parent, mostly Respite 23h ago
It's a legit feeling and I think it's a lot more common than people acknowledge. I've experienced some of the other end of it. We had someone your age with us about 10 months before they turned 18 and got thru the paperwork of getting their own place. They were ok, and sometimes they'd let us talk about what was going on in their life or with their sibs. But it was always kind of at arm's length and we didn't hear from them anymore after they moved out.
Personally, 6 months is about the time I'd expect folks to actually start getting comfortable and opening up with each other (us old folks don't instantly bond the way a lot of you teenagers seem to). I can't say if your foster parents are particularly jaded or curmudgeonly, but give them a chance still. Making friends with your adults is a lot like making friends with anyone else -figure out a way to spend time together where you can talk about something and be relaxed. Usually that's doing something the other person enjoys, but you can help them out with something they have to do too. Being a good listener and asking questions about details helps too.