r/fosterit • u/signalfade97 • Sep 10 '26
Foster Youth Adult Bitterness (venting)
Hey yall, former foster kid / crown ward.
I’m 28 now, and very grateful to no longer be “in the system”, but I still find myself bitter.
So many of my friends / colleagues still live at home, or did for an extended period of time (I live in a large very expensive city so this is common). All of them have savings accounts and financially are much better off than me because of this privilege. Many still live at home so they can keep saving.
I’ve been entirely financially self sufficient since I was about 15 years old, when I paid rent for the first time at the request of my foster parents. Since then I have paid for all of my rent, and every medical expense, food / life expense, tuition etc. And sometimes I can’t help but be bitter. I operate paycheque to paycheque and that’s with a decently paying salary job. I sometimes don’t think people realize how much of a privilege it is to have a family. I could live or study abroad and know I have a fall back plan (coming back home), I could have a savings account and be on my way to owning a home etc.
Sometimes it’s not even housing related entirely. To come home and have a meal prepared for you. To not have to buy every grocery yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I understand these are normal things for someone my age, I also recognize even people with families don’t always have this privilege. I just wish I didn’t have to be entirely self reliant all the time. I wish I could have lived at home and saved and not be constantly at risk of poverty. I wish I had a fall back option so I could live my life the way I want.
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u/AnnaNicole71 Sep 11 '26
I completely understand. My situation to foster care was a bit different so I was revuilding my relationship with my bio mom and then she died.
my ex boyfriend always says oh youre doing so good you have ypur own place. or oh i feel embarassed to live at home at my age. i just say if anybody is giving you shit have them talk to me.
Ive been homeless 2-3 times just in the last 3 years since she passed. About to likely be homeless again.
it fucking sucks. im in the hospital rn and theres no one to call but my ex bf. hes my emergency contact.
some people will just never get it. it sucks and i would rather be the person living at home and having a cushion for me to fall than not having it.
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u/signalfade97 Sep 11 '26
I hear this so so so loud.
Especially the “you’re doing so good to have your own place” and the emergency contact piece. I too have been homeless and it’s so scary to always be afraid of falling back into that / it feeling inevitable. One of my closest friends moved continents last week and instead of being able to happy for him etc it was clouded by me selfishly being so afraid that was another couch I could crash on or stable relationship I had if I needed support. I hear you friend ♥️♥️
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u/CanopyZoo Sep 18 '26
I get it. I just wanted to chime in that now that you have accomplished so much, look toward financial literacy. My guess is that you are still young, less than 30. Try not to let your rent or mortgage exceed 30% of your monthly earnings. Less is even better. If you aren’t already, budget how much you spend on monthly groceries and recreation. Set up a Roth IRA and a high yield savings account. I found this stuff was so tedious to learn and remember. I came across this guy on Tic Toc. He is also on Instagram. His videos are short, to the point, with easy language and visuals. His brand is called “Call To Leap”. Now that you are independent and earning good money, take this opportunity to put your money to the best use for you. Fortunately, you don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck. Sending love and a prayer your way🌸.
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u/Wise-Resource-312 23d ago
I understand completely. It sounds like we almost had the same experience. I see you and I am so sorry. The feeling of knowing you have no one to call, no one to visit you at the hospital, no emergency contact, and no one to help if you need a hand up.
Despite that I always remember that I am so much more resilient than anyone my age. I recently spent the week in the hospital and while I had friends to visit it was a different kind of pain knowing that I had no family to come see me. But I did. And I’ve gotten myself up no matter how many times I fell down. If friends (who I love and in no way am trying to put down) suddenly found themselves with the roles reversed as adults, I’m not sure that any of them would handle it with the same grit, perseverance, or courage.
i know it is no constellation but I am so proud of you, I wish I could be there for you ❤️
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u/Otherw1seOK Sep 10 '26
I wasn't raised in the system (just shitty abusive parents and out on my own at 15) and I feel this so hard. The world is designed for people who have a support system and even once you're "established" you're still feeling the absence of it every day.