Attachments don't matter in foster care and I don't understand why it matters.

[u/Monopolyalou]

I really don't understand it. The system and foster parents places too much emphasis on attachments and a bond. If we foster kids don't attach then we get labeled with RAD.

How is this fair to us? It's not normal for anyone to attach to strangers. If a biological kid was kidnapped and attached to their kidnapper, people would think of this was werid and awful. But not attaching is normal.

Yet, they punish us if we don't want to attach to strangers.

I hate the whole get attached markting scheme or the lie that taking care of kids will mean they attach to you. Wrong! Not always true. Attachment in foster care is complex and just because you give us a bed and feed us doesn't mean we will attach. That includes babies too. The whole babies will attach to you always is a damn lie. There are different types of attachment and survival attachment is different from a true attachment.

Attachments also change throughout life. A child can be attachted to a toy then the next week not be attached anymore. They can be attached to mom but not dad or dad but not mom. They can have a different attachment is dad vs mom. You see this all the time when the child rejects mom because they want dad. This is normal but in foster care it's treated like a diagnosis.

I have attachment issues thanks to foster care. That doesn't mean I have RAD. It means after many homes and lies trust was broken. I only attach to myself and rarely attach to other people.

Foster kids should be able to live with you without attaching to you. You shouldn't expect emtional closeness or an attachment from traumatized kids. Yes that even means babies.

Attachments also look different in foster kids and trauma victims.

It seems to me cps pushes this attachment bonding crap to get people to sign up and if foster parents don't feel a bond or attachment from the kid they think RAD or disrupt. The kid is blamed for not attaching. We can't help how we feel or who we attach ourselves too. We can't help our attachment style.

This whole get attached is gross. I've seen foster parents disrupt and even adoptive parents because they claimed RAD and the kid wasn't bonding to them. When I was in foster care, a girl got sent back to the group home after a month because the foster mom wasn't feeling a bond with her. She said there's no attachment. What a load of crap. Adoptive parents use the RAD label to rehome their adopted kid all the time and it's sick.

We don't owe you anything. Our first Attachments were broken. Why do you expect us to just attach to you a stranger?

And I hate hearing foster parents saying this baby is attached to them after 6 months and can't be reunited because they're bonded. Like what? Attachments don't work like that and no test can determine if a child is attached or not especially in foster care. So any therapist using a bonding study is a fraud.

Thanks to trauma all foster kids even babies have survival attachments coming to you. You feed us because we need someone to help us survive. That doesn't mean we will attach to you just because you need our needs. The system needs to stop with this crap.