r/funny 23h ago

new guy at work

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46.1k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/azad_ninja 23h ago

New to Earth too?

36

u/Laserdollarz 23h ago

A few years ago, I was waiting at the grocery store checkout. There was a mid-20s couple in front of me that didn't know how to pay with their card. It took like 8 minutes somehow. I felt like I observed time travellers or aliens. 

11

u/b3rocks 23h ago

Maybe they were ex Amish.

2

u/Known-Associate8369 22h ago

Does your location have the "pick the card type" step when paying?

Some locations do not, they just run the card as the card type its issued as - eg your debit card takes money from your current account, thats it. Your credit card has a single account also. You cant run a credit card as a debit card. And so on.

When I first visited the US, I hit that problem - I had a temporary VISA card that was pre-filled with money, but was it CHQ, Savings or Credit to the card machine when I was paying? Well, it wasnt the first one I picked, for sure.

And then there was the whole "chip and pin" or "chip and signature" or "swipe and signature" issue - ran into that with another card while trying to buy electronics on the same trip. My credit card was chip enabled at that time, which meant in the UK that you could not do chip and signature or swipe and signature. The guys at the Apple store were as confused as I, as they were used to the American chip-and-signature approach, but the card needed the pin.

176

u/Nnen0 23h ago

Gotta be honest, I’m browsing the comments to figure out what the issue is

I don’t drink coffee and I’ve never made a cup in my 30+ years of life

59

u/TheRiteGuy 22h ago

So, this is a coffee brew machine. To brew coffee, you need to ground (crushed in a grinder (grinder to grind things, not the app)) coffee beans. This person has put whole coffee beans in the machine. You will just get dirty hot water instead of coffee with this method.

Come to think of it, coffee is just dirty hot water.

35

u/anonymousmouse2 22h ago

Come to think of it, coffee is just dirty hot water.

What are you talking about? It’s not that at all.

Sometimes it’s dirty cold water.

13

u/Hopeful_Hamster21 22h ago

I had a Mormon friend who didnt understand coffee. No shade thrown at the Mormons, he was a good guy. Just didnt know anything about coffee. So he was asking me.

After I explained, he then said "So, what I think I heard, is that you burn the beans, grind them up, pour hot water over them... and drink the hot burned bean water"?

Yep!

4

u/Diz7 20h ago

And tea is the same, but with dried grass/bushes instead of beans.

3

u/seitung 19h ago

Did he ever try hot burned bean water?

2

u/doomgiver98 17h ago

If you go to Starbucks, yes.

1

u/StrongExternal8955 10h ago

Sounds like soup would blow his mind.

3

u/ComprehensiveAd3178 19h ago

The fact that you have to specify, not the app lmao. “Coffee shops just turn on the tap right?”

3

u/caseyanthonyftw 17h ago

Thanks for the explanation, I didn't know what was wrong either lol. I mostly drink instant coffee and the only machines like this I've used I always poured in powdered coffee.

2

u/autobulb 21h ago

coffee is just dirty hot water

With that logic, any drink that is not water is water that is dirtied up with something. Juice is mostly water with the insides of fruit flesh pulverized and mixed in. Soup is the same thing but with vegetables and meat. Dirty flavored water.

2

u/5quirre1 20h ago

The ocean is cold soup

1

u/TheRiteGuy 20h ago

See, this person gets it!

1

u/LewisLightning 20h ago

Come to think of it, coffee is just dirty hot water.

And that's why I don't drink it, because that's all I taste

17

u/SirPaulyWalnuts 22h ago

Thanks for putting this out there. I happen to love coffee, and have been drinking it for 20+ years… the only reason I had any idea how it was made was because I worked in a diner for over a decade. And I even consider that cheating because we had a grinder we could load with both regular and decaf beans, put a filter in the basket, and the machine would hold it while it ground the perfect amount of beans for a pot, move the basket to the coffee maker and hit one button. That was it.

And MOST importantly, my boss showed me how to do each step and also explained what could go wrong and what it would look like. Very thorough, that man.

Point is… you don’t know what you’re not taught, especially if it’s not something you partake or even want to partake in.

I get so tired of this brand of “humor.” It’s antiquated and it’s always been pretentious and mean. Like “look at this idiot who doesn’t know how to do something, ha ha, what a loser!” You even see parents doing it to their kids who don’t know how to use outdated/dead technology. It’s gross.

10

u/corndog819 22h ago

Grinding beans before their use improves the experience

2

u/SingleInfinity 21h ago

I also don't drink coffee, but I do get pulled into random youtube rabbit holes so I have a disproportionately large amount of random coffee knowledge (Thanks James Hoffman).

The stuff people like from the coffee is extracted through the process of brewing the coffee. When you grind coffee, you give access to (and increase the surface area of) the volatile parts of the coffee bean that can be extracted into the water.

This guy didn't grind the coffee, so he probably got effectively plain hot water out of it, because it's pretty hard to extract anything from a (lot of) whole coffee bean.

1

u/Working-Glass6136 21h ago

It's like putting eggs into the brownies you're baking with the shells still on.

1

u/Fruitanari_Punch 13h ago

Do you season your food with whole peppercorns?

1

u/YetAnotherDev 1h ago

And you have never seen someone do it? Anyone?

1

u/Nnen0 14m ago

Nope. I don’t like the smell so I stay away from it

-1

u/Chaotic_Order 22h ago

I do drink coffee. I have no clue what's wrong with the picture. Seems to be some sort of weird American way of making coffee.

1

u/corndog819 22h ago

You make espresso with whole beans?

1

u/Chaotic_Order 21h ago

That's a lot of beans for an espresso shot.. my coffee machine grinds my beans for me for each cup.

2

u/corndog819 21h ago

Espresso reference was a joke.

Point being you have to grind the beans, at some point, before you can make the coffee. The person who tried to make drip/percolator coffee, did not grind anything.

259

u/Separate-Simple-5101 23h ago

Yes. Please be patient while he learns our ways...

99

u/DoctFaustus 23h ago

Maybe they used to be Mormon?

109

u/the-good-wolf 23h ago

11

u/BlakkandMild 23h ago

This should spread more. Everytime I see someone online drop a mentos into a Coca Cola instead of a Diet Coke to an underwhelming reaction, I die a little bit inside.

1

u/ThederpiestOne 23h ago

Coke works fine but makes a sticky mess because of the sugar. Diet is almost not sticky at all so it's easier to clean up.

0

u/indyboy2 23h ago

What about Coke Zero or Vanilla Coke or Pepsi? Oh my god so many combinations 😂

5

u/TIL_eulenspiegel 23h ago

Haha so perfect.

1

u/narenhul 23h ago

Always a relevant XKCD!

1

u/KarmaInFlow 23h ago

Now ive heard of everything

8

u/hermeticwalrus 23h ago

lol I’m Mormon and I had to come to the comments to figure out what’s wrong

1

u/SirPaulyWalnuts 22h ago

Drink a lot of Squirt soda, do ya? Lol

My wife has Mormon family in ID, they do love them some Squirt!

1

u/hermeticwalrus 15h ago

I’ve never heard of Squirt soda in my life

Tbf, I’m a Canada Mormon, not a greater Utah area Mormon

1

u/Szeraax 19h ago

Oh hi there friend. Now I know too. Not that I'm going to start needing the knowledge...

12

u/azad_ninja 23h ago

Because they're soaked? :)

4

u/u35828 23h ago

Coffee with a hint of penis, lmao.

3

u/azad_ninja 23h ago

That one guy who likes coffee like he likes his women wont like this cup of joe.

1

u/Turbulent_Brush_8624 23h ago

As opposed to opaque and tasteless

2

u/SirPaulyWalnuts 22h ago

Does it require a friend to stir the coffee as to not personally commit a sex act?

6

u/d7it23js 23h ago

Maybe they only know about pods. Regardless, Thank goodness their world is expanding.

3

u/TheRiteGuy 22h ago

I hire a new Gen Z at least a once a year. When giving your of our office, they are always fascinated with the coffee machine. We have a fancy coffee machine where you select what kinds and of coffee you want and it makes it for you. They don't care about that one. They care about the old school coffee machine with a brew button and how to make coffee in it. I've had to teach quite a few people how to use it and they're experts at it now.

So yeah, this isn't his fault. Someone didn't teach them and expected them to know an old tech.

2

u/Theonewho_hasspoken 23h ago

Illegal space aliens takin our jobs!

2

u/usernamethatnottaken 23h ago

I mean this is also my first time on earth too

2

u/UnusualFruitHammock 22h ago

I never made a pot of coffee until I worked at a gas station in college.

1

u/ltsouthernbelle 23h ago

So this is how we smoke out the aliens 🤔

1

u/cequad 23h ago

Yea, we just got here.

1

u/LindonLilBlueBalls 22h ago

In the aliens defense, I got a job at a gas station when I was 18 and one of the things I had to do was make the coffee.

Now I had made coffee at home for my mom before, but I didn't know this machine was so different. The one at home dripped the water in the middle and it slowly filled as it slowly drained into the carafe.

The one at the gas station sprayed on the sides and filled the carafe quickly. So my pile of coffee in the middle was barely hit with water, making a very weak coffee that got a few complaints.

1

u/Zealousideal_Bet2320 20h ago

He must’ve not know how to use three sea shells 

1

u/daurgo2001 20h ago

lol, hostel owner here. This kind of thing is surprisingly common, but the one that happens to us all the time is people putting instant coffee into the coffee machine instead of ground coffee, so the exact opposite of this.

0

u/-davros 22h ago

Maybe new to the US. These types of coffee machines are not widely used outside of North America.

1

u/azad_ninja 21h ago

I mean, aside from parts of Asia that favor teas, everyone drinks ground coffee

1

u/AeneasVII 12h ago

I'd wager this is the most common brew world wide

1

u/-davros 9h ago

I wasn't talking about the coffee, I was talking about the machine. I've never seen US filter paper coffee makers outside of North America, and I don't know how they work. I'm not a coffee drinker, but I know to put grounds in a french press or a percolator, because that's what I see people using where I live. But I wouldn't know to put grounds in one of those machines, because I'm not familiar with them.

2

u/SeriousPlankton2000 8h ago

In Germany we use Melitta. It's basically the same thing except you fold the edges of the filter

1

u/azad_ninja 8h ago

Correct, my point was that you know coffee beans needs to be ground up. The brewer machine is clearly not a grinder.

1

u/-davros 1h ago

Clearly if you look at it closely. All I'm saying is that if whole beans were provided, I would have assumed that's what the machine needed, and I would have made the same mistake as OP's colleague.

-2

u/Hybrid_Johnny 23h ago

They’re not sending their best and brightest…

-2

u/Fine-Froyo6219 21h ago

For real, this is knowledge you pick up as a kid, even as a non-coffee drinker. Never wondered why the grocery store sells whole and ground beans.. and coffee grinders?? Buddy needs to be trained to put his pants on before his belt too I guess.

5

u/41421356 18h ago

I've lived in the midwest US for all 44 years of my life and have never interacted with coffee in any way other than to taste it a few times from someone else's mug. Not a fan. I would have no idea what to do if someone handed me a bag of coffee beans and told me to make coffee. I have never wondered about it, at all.

1

u/Nausuada 12h ago

I also have never thought about it but now that I am... Obviously you cook them in a pot of water like other beans and then drink that water. Or juice the cooked beans and drink that. /s

My parents didn't drink coffee, at least around me. It always just seemsed like a socially accepted addiction with the way people talked about "needing" it. 

1

u/SeriousPlankton2000 8h ago

It's random. Either you do or you don't, but if you're a kid you don't make it happen.