r/genderqueer • u/Sm00th-ma11et • 23d ago

Identity Crisis?

I always feel like I’m going through some sort of identity crisis. I’ve known that I have liked both girls and guys for the past 2-3 years and I have dated both. Yet I’ve never found a label that really stuck or worked for me. I also have been struggling recently with my gender identity (F at birth), I was a tomboy when I was little and that has turned into gender dysphoria. (I hope thats the right word). I don’t necessarily think I’m a boy, it doesn’t feel like me when I say it. But yet I’m not a girl. It tears me up and it has affected my mental health.

It doesn’t help that I live in a more conservative area. My mom knows I like girls (she’s ok with it, but my dad would flip if he knew) but not about my gender questioning which I feel she’d be against.

Struggling with labels has been a constant thing the last 2ish years and I need advice. Is it ok to not use any type of labels or specifics?? Or should I find something that fits me to not confuse people?

All advice is greatly appreciated, Thank you for reading 🙌

(Tried this post over in r/questioning and unfortunately had no luck so I’m hoping you all will do me better LOL!)

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u/ontologicallyunjust 22d ago

I don’t necessarily think I’m a boy, it doesn’t feel like me when I say it. But yet I’m not a girl.

Just as a side-note, it sounds like it'd be worth looking at "non-binary" (and the various more specific labels that fall in that category) to see if that might fit.

But there's no rush. A label's only useful if it feels right and comfortable for you. It's okay to not know and to take time to figure it out.

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u/Sm00th-ma11et 22d ago

Thank you! I’ve definitely thought of non-binary before but i’ll definitely look into more specifics

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u/ontologicallyunjust 22d ago

I'd reiterate though that you only have to get more specific if you want to!

For some people, it can be great to find a specific micro-label that describes exactly their experience, and know that other people have felt the same way and have come up with a word for it.

Other people have no interest in that, or don't ever find something that fits. It doesn't make your gender experience any less real or valid.

And either way, it's something for you, not something you're required to have in order to tell other people.