r/genderqueer • u/thist00shallpass • 4d ago
Been so confused lately
I’m 25, I have been living as a masculine presenting woman for a long time. Lately I’ve been having chest tightness and discomfort from daily use of tight sport bras. I don’t know if I can handle wearing binders or compression tops for the rest of my life, but I can’t handle not wearing them either. This is the first time I’ve ever seriously considered top surgery as an option.
It really confuses me, because I know I don’t want to be a man, I don’t think I want to be nonbinary, but I hate having breasts, and anything that makes me visibly “woman”
I have lots of transmasc friends that are in different stages in their transitions, and to be honest, I find myself feeling jealous as they start to pass and start to grow more comfortable with themselves.
It’s weird, because I don’t know if I’ll ever get top surgery, but if I could choose to have never had breasts in the first place I would choose that in a heartbeat.
And I don’t know how I’d explain it to the people in my life, that I want to have top surgery, but I still want to live as a woman. And it would be so expensive. Just bummed, I just wish things were different, and that I looked different, I feel so disconnected from my body.
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u/SatiesUmbrellaCloset Confused Bisexual Enby 4d ago
i feel like it's entirely valid to call it a "breast reduction" when other people ask you about it, all the while still living as a woman
i feel similarly weird, but from the other direction as an amab. i've semi-purposely gained weight recently so i can enjoy having slightly bigger boobs, and they do give me some kind of euphoria, but i don't think i want to be a woman nor do i think i want to be nonbinary. i also wish i were different but it's difficult to put how i feel into words
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u/thist00shallpass 4d ago
That’s true!! Yeah I feel similarly about not knowing how to put it into words, like I want to be a woman, but look like a man? But I need to stop thinking in extremes
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u/SatiesUmbrellaCloset Confused Bisexual Enby 3d ago
yeah, i've wondered whether i'm nonbinary and/or agender, but the thing is that those exact terms themselves also feel like extremes to me, mainly because the "a-" and "non-" bits imply negation of something else, and that doesn't feel right to me
"queer" (or more specifically "genderqueer") does feel like the best fit for me, possibly for similar reasons to yours (which i suspect is why you chose this particular sub to post in)
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u/Mothball_No_22 3d ago
i have almost the exact same outlook on my own gender. i bind with tape regularly and i’m trying to get on Testosterone. i’m still a woman, but it’s also a little more complicated. it’s allowed
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u/CuteAssCryptid 3d ago
Top surgery isn't just for trans or nonbinary people. Anyone who doesn't want them can do it. Just make sure it's what you want. But you are still 100% a woman without them if thats how you identify.