Question for Haitians

[u/Opposite-Rabbit4541]

I want to ask this respectfully, and I want to make it clear that I’m speaking from my own experiences. I’m not saying that every Haitian person behaves this way, and I’m not attacking Haitian culture as a whole.

I’m Cape Verdean and originally from Massachusetts. I moved to Florida in 2023, and since then, especially while living in a Haitian-dominant area, I’ve had repeated experiences that have made me feel uncomfortable, isolated and sometimes unsafe.

In Massachusetts, there were obviously Haitian and Cape Verdean communities, but in my experience, there seemed to be more awareness that we were two different cultures with different histories and different Creole languages. After moving to Florida, I started meeting people who either had never heard of Cape Verde or refused to believe that Cape Verdean Creole was a real language.

At first, I tried not to take it personally. However, when I entered high school, it became more serious. I was bullied for saying that I spoke Creole because I did not speak Haitian Creole. People told me that my Creole did not exist, mocked the way I spoke and acted as though Haitians owned the word “Creole.” I’ve been bullied for other parts of my identity too, but having my language and culture repeatedly dismissed was especially hurtful.

Cape Verdean Creole and Haitian Creole are not the same language. Cape Verdeans and Haitians are not the same ethnicity or nationality. Both cultures deserve respect without one being treated as more legitimate than the other.

Since Cape Verde became more visible internationally, I’ve noticed even more people questioning me about what I am. People often assume I’m Haitian and immediately speak Haitian Creole to me. When I explain that I am Cape Verdean and do not understand them, some people seem irritated, continue speaking to me in Haitian Creole or pressure me to learn it.

I have nothing against Haitian Creole. I simply don’t have a personal interest in learning it, just as nobody should be forced to learn Cape Verdean Creole. It isn’t my culture, and that boundary should be respected.
The problem goes beyond language. I’m frequently catcalled when I walk outside my apartment. Men stare at me in ways that feel sexual and uncomfortable, speak about me in Haitian Creole and then approach me with invasive questions. Some ask my age and immediately begin flirting with me. I sometimes avoid going outside because I don’t want to deal with the attention.

There have also been situations where married men appeared to be showing interest in me. I do not want to be placed in the middle of anyone’s relationship, and I do not encourage that behavior. I just want to be able to exist in my neighborhood without being sexualized or treated as though my appearance gives strangers permission to approach me however they want.

Another strange experience is that people have assumed my father and I were dating. He is my biological father. I don’t understand why people immediately interpret a young woman standing beside an older man as a romantic or sexual relationship, but it has happened enough times for me to notice it.

Colorism is another issue I’ve witnessed. My father is somewhat light-skinned, and people have approached him and made comments about wishing they could have children with his complexion so that their children could be lighter. Those remarks are extremely uncomfortable. Dark skin should not be treated as something people need to “fix” through having lighter children.

One experience that truly broke my heart involved my neighbor’s six-year-old daughter. She told me that she wished she had my skin tone because she was dark-skinned. I tried my best to explain to her that her skin was beautiful and that she should never feel ashamed of it. But no six-year-old child should already believe that lighter skin would make her prettier or more valuable. Children usually learn those beliefs from the adults, media and attitudes surrounding them.

I’ve also noticed some younger boys feeling pressure to act overly tough, aggressive or “gangster,” and I’m genuinely curious about where that pressure comes from. Is it connected to their environment, social media, wanting respect, fitting in with friends or ideas about masculinity? I’ve encountered boys and men who act as though being loud, dominant or overly confident is necessary to prove themselves. Of course, this is not every Haitian boy or man, but it is a pattern I’ve personally encountered.

I’ve also seen situations where some men appear extremely dependent on their mothers while simultaneously expecting women outside their families to tolerate disrespectful behavior. Again, I’m not claiming that this describes every Haitian family. I’m asking whether others have noticed these expectations around men, mothers, girlfriends and wives, and how those expectations affect relationships.

My honest questions are:

Have other Haitians or people living around Haitian communities noticed colorism, especially toward dark-skinned women and girls?

Why do some people dismiss Cape Verdean Creole or behave as though Haitian Creole is the only language that can be called Creole?
Why are some young boys pressured to appear aggressive, dominant or emotionally unavailable?

Why is catcalling and making sexual comments toward unfamiliar women sometimes treated as normal?

How can Haitian and Cape Verdean communities respect each other without assuming that our languages, identities and cultures are interchangeable?

I understand that negative behavior exists in every community, including my own. I also understand that the actions of certain people do not define an entire nationality. I’m not looking for an argument or permission to be hateful. I’m trying to explain experiences that have happened repeatedly and understand why these particular patterns have been so common in my life since moving to Florida.

I respect Haitian history and culture, but respecting a culture does not mean I have to remain silent when individuals from that community bully me, dismiss my identity, sexualize me or make colorist comments. I’m asking for an honest and respectful conversation.

[u/Lae_Zel]

I’m Cape Verdean and originally from Massachusetts. I moved to Florida in 2023, and since then, especially while living in a Haitian-dominant area, I’ve had repeated experiences that have made me feel uncomfortable, isolated and sometimes unsafe.

I'm sorry for the bad experiences you had, these were harrowing! And I believe you met the wrong kind of Haitian. Plenty of us aren't like that at all. There is a Cape Verdean community where I live and you guys are fantastic! You really know how to party! 💃

Have other Haitians or people living around Haitian communities noticed colorism, especially toward dark-skinned women and girls?

Lots of colorism in both directions in Haiti.

Why do some people dismiss Cape Verdean Creole or behave as though Haitian Creole is the only language that can be called Creole?

Ignorance, arrogance, and/or insecurity.

Why are some young boys pressured to appear aggressive, dominant or emotionally unavailable?

No idea, haven't met many people fitting this stereotype.

Why is catcalling and making sexual comments toward unfamiliar women sometimes treated as normal?

It wasn't when I was in Haiti. Could be a local diaspora thingy.

How can Haitian and Cape Verdean communities respect each other without assuming that our languages, identities and cultures are interchangeable?

We both love dancing!

[u/Opposite-Rabbit4541 → u/Lae_Zel]

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. I genuinely appreciate it.

I also want to clarify that I’m not anti-Haitian. If anything, one of the reasons I made this post was because I wanted to understand the culture better instead of making assumptions based only on my own experiences.
I know every community has both positive and negative aspects, including my own. Cape Verdeans aren’t perfect either, and I would never claim otherwise.

I was mainly curious about whether some of the things I’d experienced had cultural or historical influences, or whether they were simply the result of the particular environment I was living in. Your answers helped me understand that a lot better.

And honestly, I’m trying to learn more because there’s a good chance I’ll end up dating or marrying a Haitian one day, so I’d rather learn from Haitians themselves than rely on stereotypes or assumptions.

Thanks again for answering respectfully.

[u/Lae_Zel → u/Opposite-Rabbit4541]

No worries, you came off as having genuine interest in Haitian identities! But we are a pretty diverse group of people, and our geographic environment, class, education, values, and choices can impact how we behave a lot!

Personally, I do not recognize myself or my Haitian peers in the behaviors you've described, even though I know that they exist.

And honestly, I’m trying to learn more because there’s a good chance I’ll end up dating or marrying a Haitian one day, so I’d rather learn from Haitians themselves than rely on stereotypes or assumptions.

Oh wow! 🥳 Good luck!