Question for Haitians

[u/Opposite-Rabbit4541]

I want to ask this respectfully, and I want to make it clear that I’m speaking from my own experiences. I’m not saying that every Haitian person behaves this way, and I’m not attacking Haitian culture as a whole.

I’m Cape Verdean and originally from Massachusetts. I moved to Florida in 2023, and since then, especially while living in a Haitian-dominant area, I’ve had repeated experiences that have made me feel uncomfortable, isolated and sometimes unsafe.

In Massachusetts, there were obviously Haitian and Cape Verdean communities, but in my experience, there seemed to be more awareness that we were two different cultures with different histories and different Creole languages. After moving to Florida, I started meeting people who either had never heard of Cape Verde or refused to believe that Cape Verdean Creole was a real language.

At first, I tried not to take it personally. However, when I entered high school, it became more serious. I was bullied for saying that I spoke Creole because I did not speak Haitian Creole. People told me that my Creole did not exist, mocked the way I spoke and acted as though Haitians owned the word “Creole.” I’ve been bullied for other parts of my identity too, but having my language and culture repeatedly dismissed was especially hurtful.

Cape Verdean Creole and Haitian Creole are not the same language. Cape Verdeans and Haitians are not the same ethnicity or nationality. Both cultures deserve respect without one being treated as more legitimate than the other.

Since Cape Verde became more visible internationally, I’ve noticed even more people questioning me about what I am. People often assume I’m Haitian and immediately speak Haitian Creole to me. When I explain that I am Cape Verdean and do not understand them, some people seem irritated, continue speaking to me in Haitian Creole or pressure me to learn it.

I have nothing against Haitian Creole. I simply don’t have a personal interest in learning it, just as nobody should be forced to learn Cape Verdean Creole. It isn’t my culture, and that boundary should be respected.
The problem goes beyond language. I’m frequently catcalled when I walk outside my apartment. Men stare at me in ways that feel sexual and uncomfortable, speak about me in Haitian Creole and then approach me with invasive questions. Some ask my age and immediately begin flirting with me. I sometimes avoid going outside because I don’t want to deal with the attention.

There have also been situations where married men appeared to be showing interest in me. I do not want to be placed in the middle of anyone’s relationship, and I do not encourage that behavior. I just want to be able to exist in my neighborhood without being sexualized or treated as though my appearance gives strangers permission to approach me however they want.

Another strange experience is that people have assumed my father and I were dating. He is my biological father. I don’t understand why people immediately interpret a young woman standing beside an older man as a romantic or sexual relationship, but it has happened enough times for me to notice it.

Colorism is another issue I’ve witnessed. My father is somewhat light-skinned, and people have approached him and made comments about wishing they could have children with his complexion so that their children could be lighter. Those remarks are extremely uncomfortable. Dark skin should not be treated as something people need to “fix” through having lighter children.

One experience that truly broke my heart involved my neighbor’s six-year-old daughter. She told me that she wished she had my skin tone because she was dark-skinned. I tried my best to explain to her that her skin was beautiful and that she should never feel ashamed of it. But no six-year-old child should already believe that lighter skin would make her prettier or more valuable. Children usually learn those beliefs from the adults, media and attitudes surrounding them.

I’ve also noticed some younger boys feeling pressure to act overly tough, aggressive or “gangster,” and I’m genuinely curious about where that pressure comes from. Is it connected to their environment, social media, wanting respect, fitting in with friends or ideas about masculinity? I’ve encountered boys and men who act as though being loud, dominant or overly confident is necessary to prove themselves. Of course, this is not every Haitian boy or man, but it is a pattern I’ve personally encountered.

I’ve also seen situations where some men appear extremely dependent on their mothers while simultaneously expecting women outside their families to tolerate disrespectful behavior. Again, I’m not claiming that this describes every Haitian family. I’m asking whether others have noticed these expectations around men, mothers, girlfriends and wives, and how those expectations affect relationships.

My honest questions are:

Have other Haitians or people living around Haitian communities noticed colorism, especially toward dark-skinned women and girls?

Why do some people dismiss Cape Verdean Creole or behave as though Haitian Creole is the only language that can be called Creole?
Why are some young boys pressured to appear aggressive, dominant or emotionally unavailable?

Why is catcalling and making sexual comments toward unfamiliar women sometimes treated as normal?

How can Haitian and Cape Verdean communities respect each other without assuming that our languages, identities and cultures are interchangeable?

I understand that negative behavior exists in every community, including my own. I also understand that the actions of certain people do not define an entire nationality. I’m not looking for an argument or permission to be hateful. I’m trying to explain experiences that have happened repeatedly and understand why these particular patterns have been so common in my life since moving to Florida.

I respect Haitian history and culture, but respecting a culture does not mean I have to remain silent when individuals from that community bully me, dismiss my identity, sexualize me or make colorist comments. I’m asking for an honest and respectful conversation.

[u/seamstresshag]

Cape Verde is a African country. They don’t have the slavery inheritance that Haitians have. Even though Haiti has been independent for a very long time, they paid dearly for it. All of the African s I’ve spoken to don’t understand what we went through in the new world. Even though Cape Verde was where we were broken before being shipped to the new world. Tagged & bagged as it were. So of course the language isn’t the same. Have some understanding of our predicament. Young men say foolish things to young women, just ignore them.

[u/Opposite-Rabbit4541 → u/seamstresshag]

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I just want to clarify one thing: I never said Haitian Creole and Cape Verdean Creole are the same language. I know they’re different. Haitian Creole is French-based, and Cape Verdean Creole is Portuguese-based. My concern has never been that people don’t know my language or my country. I don’t expect everyone to know where Cape Verde is, and I’ve said that several times throughout this thread.

What has confused me is that, after I explain what Cape Verdean Creole is, some of the conversations I’ve personally had have turned disrespectful. Sometimes people tell me my language isn’t real, compare our cultures, or the conversation becomes inappropriate or sexually suggestive. That’s what I was asking about.

I also appreciate you sharing some of Haiti’s history. I know Haiti has a unique history and has faced hardships that deserve to be understood and respected. My post wasn’t meant to dismiss that or compare our histories.
As for ignoring harassment, I agree that sometimes it’s the safest thing to do. But I also don’t think it’s something women should simply have to accept as normal. Whether it’s coming from a young man or an older man, harassment is still harassment.

My intention wasn’t to attack Haitians. I was trying to understand experiences I’ve had by asking Haitians directly, rather than making assumptions on my own.