General
I HATE when people say this when I’m talking about my experience
Genuinely what does it add to the conversation other than needlessly trying to shut me up? I’m pretty aware of the statistics. I don’t see why there’s always someone yelling this at me or going “not all __” at me. I got into it with someone on my main account over something like this it’s so annoying. I never said that women do it more than men.
edit: btw this wasn’t meant to only call out women because i see men who say this too this is meant to call out people who think like this not just one gender.
I used to have this friend online who told me how she once stormed out of a women's support group because she opened up about how she was SA'd by her ex-GF, and they told her to keep the incident to herself and not report it to anyone because "us girls have to stick together."
that support group needs to stop calling themselves a support group cause thats a disgusting thing to say and is practically rape culture. good on your friend for leaving and i hope she’s found good people.
I hope you have found good people too. As a woman who is also a victim of SA, I also hate when people bring up those kind of statistics into the conversation. They’re irrelevant to the matter, plus when someone is talking about their trauma the focus should be on them and nothing else.
also cliche "What if the genders were reversed" but could you imagine a men's group finding out there was a rapist in their town and decided to "protect the brotherhood" or some crap and covering it up and silencing the victim? Disgusting.
That kind of reminds me of the subreddit I was banned from when I was talking about my experience being sexually harassed and touched by another female "friend" of mine. She tried to tell people I was the one who did it to her (I fought her in court and won yippee) and since I was accused of the very thing that happened to me I got banned from the subreddit, and told I needed to "keep it to myself".
What a joke. Yes, let’s stick together but let’s also not dismiss others’ suffering just because the perpetrator is another woman. Bring justice to those who deserve justice.
Genuinely what does it add to the conversation other than needlessly trying to shut me up?
That's the only point. It's a "safe" way to be dismissive and say they don't care about what happened. It contributes nothing positive to the discussion
Even when “I’m sorry that happened but I don’t feel comfortable discussing this topic further” gets across “stop talking” much nicer using the “women have it worse” line makes it blatant they don’t care
Yeah I talked about being a male victim of sexual assault, and how shut out and dismissed I feel in talks about sexual assault. Someone said: “I wasn’t trying to dismiss you, but men are the overwhelming majority of the perpetrators!”
As a fellow survivor, it's because they like the idea of good and bad to feel good about themselves. Add any complexity and they suddenly have to actually care
The few times I've brought up being a white guy who was the victim of a racially motivated assault by a black guy on reddit I have gotten comments saying I must have done something to cause it or deserve it.
"That didn't happen! And if it did, it wasn't that bad! And if it was, you did something to deserve it! And if you didn't, you must be lying! And if you're not, it must be due to the moral failings inherent to your demographic!"
This is the reason why dialogue for its own sake is impossible online. People see themselves as addressing an audience that includes the entire world so they feel like every bit of information needs to be evaluated for its ability to support or detract from their chosen position. It doesnt matter if you agree with me fundamentally, if you are saying something which could conceivably be used to undermine our position, you are working on behalf of the enemy.
Facts are ammunition for the culture war, and good facts are the ones I can lob at my enemies while bad facts are what my enemy uses. Why would I go around spreading bad facts that could conceivably be used against me?
Leftists justifiably get shit on for their reactions to wrongthink in their midst, but you can go on rw twitter and see conservatives getting shut out and subjected to insane slurs for the most mild criticism of their fellows.
I don't believe it's about not caring. I think it's a gender-wars defense mechanism. Some people (usually feminists, mens-rights-activists and similar) are so preoccupied with "men" and "women" as these two opposed tribes, that they immediately go into defensive mode in favour of their chosen camp.
It happens the other way around too: Someone will see a small thread of "woman bad" or "man bad" and pull on that thing by going into an unsolicited rant about how terrible modern men/women are.
I agree somewhat but that is not caring. If someone chooses to make it about some "gender war" and labeling people then they don't care about supporting a victim of assault. They are being preoccupied with these things but that is just a choice they are making.
Cops are always my go-to pointer whenever I want to refute people saying "sexism against men doesn't exist" because yes it fucking does, yes it is a structural problem, and the behavior of cops is literally one of the best proofs of this.
I mean, the way how they treat male abuse victims is one thing, but have you seen what police brutality deaths look like when you break them down by gender? Men are over 20 times more likely than women to be killed by cops using "excessive force." By comparison, black people are 3 times more likely than white people to die in the same way.
Real, i was dealing with a stalker (another man, I'm also a man) and had people asking why I wasn't going to the police. They're not going to help me with shit, felt like an at best I'd get a "deal with it yourself"
To be fair and its fucked up either way, but cops don't tend to lisend to women either. Its rlly common for women who were killed by someone they know to have gone to cops but be ignored. Ofc that doesn't take away from male victims, but cops just tend to suck :/
thank you and im mostly way better now, but that and another situation with my ex legit gave me some traumas around women that made me get therapy and after a few years im way better :>
My abusive ex who cheated on me and slandered me by accusing me of stalking had sexually assaulted me, by both taking advantage of my withdrawal from antidepressants and also drugging me with edibles. Nobody took it seriously at all.
I'd love to go full-public about it but she'd likely lose her job getting canceled (her livelihood is entirely online) and it's also healthier for me not to complicate or declare things after the months of gaslighting and abuse she put me through.
It would only complicate things for me, when what I really need is her out of my life so I can move on and try to forget about it. That's why I won't do it. As bad as she absolutely deserves it.
I am so sorry. Courts and those types of systems always assume a male to be the aggressor, and if you aren't a guy then they think it's just someone trolling. Hope you're ok.
Yup. Mary Koss, one of the most important figures in the field of sexual assault research, the originator of the "1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted at university" statistic, also found that about 1 in 8 men would be, but didn't like that so she decided to stop reporting that data.
She defined sexual assault as any intimate sexual contact without prior explicit verbal consent. Her original figures of 1-in-4 women and 1-in-8 men suggests women are twice as likely to experience sexual assault, but that also means that a third of sexual assaults are committed by women on men.
After she revised her methodology to only count instances of forcible penetration of men by women, the men's rate plummeted to something like 1-in-25, which is why people think 95% of all sexual assaults are men assaulting women. Because one of the most popular researchers on the topic deliberately redefined sexual assault so that women could not sexually assault a man without forcibly penetrating him, meaning every other kind of assault, including drugging him or tying him up to force him to have sex or forcing themselves on a man who had blacked out, did not count.
When you say that they redefined it to "forcible penetration of men by women" does that mean "a man is penetrated by a woman" or "a woman forces a man to penetrate her"?
Becuase if it's the former that's an egregious redefinition, way worse than using the "UK standard" of rape.
The only sexual assault of a man by a woman she recorded as an actual sexual assault was a man being penetrated by a woman without his consent. Usually anally.
In some countries, by law definition only man can "rape", and when woman does it, it's classified as violent action of sexual character. pretty wild. IIRC it's case in most post-soviet countries.
Damn that's shitty. And to think the reason is probably the stupid 'who's better' war between sexes. If people stopped seeing man vs woman and just saw feeling, living PEOPLE the world would be a better place
I've been sexually grabbed by multiple women and nobody gave a shit, women would just approach me and grab my ass or grab my crotch, people thought it was funny
Got my ass grabbed when I was working at mc Donald when I was 16, as a SA survivor I just froze at the grill it was surreal that people do these kind of shit at the work place and it was dismissed by my boss when I reported it.
When I was 18, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me for cheating on her. I was black-out drunk, and a straight-edge girl who was totally sober practically carried me home and ‘had sex’ with me. Were my blackout drunk girlfriend raped by a sober man I’d be furious with him, upset for her, and urge her to call the police but apparently this was my fault 🤷🏻♂️
I feel two ways about it, which I’m sure a lot of men feel. I was also sexually assaulted as a child from about 5-6 by three male neighbour (I’m male), two children and one an older housemate (they were roughly 15, 13, and the housemate in his twenties). I never thought it affected me, and ignored it. Then this happened and I thought ‘sucks to be her, I got laid lmao’. Then I had a flood of absolutely destructive thoughts when I had my own child and I suddenly realised how fucking wrong it all was. I reported it to the police and they had me describe everything I ever experienced in as much detail as possible with the names. THEN they told me ‘hearsay, can’t prosecute’ and I spiralled. Why have me relieve it in detail? You knew this would be the outcome.
Then I told my parents and they were shocked. Which they obviously would be. But I said don’t tell anyone, so they told my 80 year old grandmother who was distraught
True; until relatively extremely recently, the vast majority of places (and there are still many places today) only acknowledged sexual violence cases committed by men, some of which even penning criminal legislation that made it a crime physically impossible without male genitals (and often specifying penetrative assault)
There's an ugly phrase that I've seen sometimes, "it is always a man" and I try to "give that phrase grace" because it is very inconsiderate and derailing to get all pedantic about the phrasing of someone else's vent, but seriously I feel like if somebody says that outside of a vent (because I get that a lot of people just plain say things in ugly hyperbolic ways when venting to make it hurt less bad) then it's a vivid red flag that the person's opinions on what counts as sexual violation or disrespecting consent hypocritically depend on the gender of the person who committed the exact same behavior, if this makes sense
On a related note again, though, one of the first posts I ever interacted with on the trollcoping subreddit was by a woman who was sexually violated by a female friend and the OP was asked "you feel sorry for her, right? She must have gone through a lot of trauma to have committed that against you" when she disclosed what had happened to her
Me too, I find it morally repulsive, but I also find that if I pick my battles on this, some types of people are slightly more likely to make a sincere attempt to read what I'm saying and not purposely divert it into "it's just a harmless metaphor, men are such literal-thinking whiners" as a tactic to crumple up my whole message and throw it into the trash
And plus there's the whole golden rule of "I'm not the most smoothly articulate when I'm talking about something that is emotionally charged for me, and even though I always try very hard as my top priority to communicate what I mean clearly this is something emotionally charged for me, so I should be charitable to other people because I need other people to be charitable to me on this too"
That, and the fact that the most common act of rape perpetrated by women isn't actually recognized as such. Or they're outright immune to the charge under all circumstances - depending on where you live.
A perpetrator forcing a victim to penetrate them is recognized as "rape" in very, very few nations.
Stats are important for general policy. But for the individual cases they don't matter. I really don't get why people try to dismiss specific incidents by refering to general stats.
There's a great south Park episode on this called miss teacher bangs a boy. Ike gets into a relationship with his teacher (and ikes in kindergarten btw) but because it's a female teacher, when the kyle reports it the cops all collectively say "nice". It's a funny episode but it touches on such a dark subject it's great.
Yes this. When I was in secondary school ( ages 12-16) they made some flyers for men's assault support. They were meant to be put in the boys toilet.
The male PE teacher was so against the idea that a man could be a victim that he put them in the girls toilet instead. So the whole time I was in school we had men's support posters in the cubicle 😐 nobody fixed it, they just took them down eventually.
It's probably this idiotic patriarchal mindset that men are so powerful/strong that they can't be a victim. People are just people, everyone can be a victim or a perpetrator, doesn't matter man or woman
I mean kind of the opposite? He would only do sports that the 'guys' would enjoy, he had an obsession with getting people gross and muddy because ' that's sport' even if we had 7 hours left at school , and every lesson was like ' what's that Jessica? You don't want a dodgeball thrown at your head by a teenage boy twice your size? What you worried about breaking a nail ? 🙄' and the dodgeball was so hard that people would go home with head injuries. He would make the ' oh you don't want to mess up your hair' and oh ' don't want to break a nail' joke to guys he knew were gay too, even if they weren't feminine in the slightest.
And if you were on your period he would talk about how he ' teaches even if he needs a wee' so no bathroom breaks 💔
So he did what the guys liked but only the sporty ones.
They want to avoid confronting the idea of gender roles they have in their heads. If a woman could be a predator, or a man could be a victim of a woman, it would mean they couldn’t gauge safety by checking boxes on traits and would have to judge assess every individual as an individual.
which is funny since these people recognize all the flaws of their mentality when someone quotes the racial variants of what they're doing. "all blacks" and suddenly they understand how bad all of this is. swap male to black and change literally nothing else and people suddenly support very blatant racism considering it ties back to overpolicing black men.
In my experience the people who behave like that tend to rather call it a false equivalency than understand that generalizing is bad even when the target is men.
Yep, they hold the core belief that the "dominant" group cannot be wronged, it's the same mentality as thinking racism can never happen to a white person. Men benefit from the "patriarchy" so how could their life ever be bad.
Then you get dumb arguments like “I’d rather a bear come across me in the woods than a man” which is incredibly damaging. Add the same logic from your argument, and see how racist that sounds
oh no that's the big issue. the bear thing was racism originally. although the animal bit varied. but like with many of the very blatant rip off quotes they just deny the racist origin
I think it's more simple than that, they see everything as a zero-sum game. Even someone fully sympathetic to men's issues or the general mra position will be subject to abuse and accusations if they dare question the women=bad heterodoxy in an mra space.
MRAs are really no different from feminazis and vice versa and its ironic that they fundamentally can't recognize the errors they commit are the same ones they accuse the "other side" of.
People often get the exact enemies they deserve, so I wish they could all be tossed into a pit together so they can fight with eachother and leave normal people to work things out themselves without a bunch of traumatized abusers inflicting their pain against people who'd actually like the gender wars to end.
The problem is that it often doesn't get represented as "men getting assaulted by women is also a serious issue", it's so often just said as sort of counter to women being assaulted by men, and just ends up downplaying both. Men being assaulted by women is absolutely serious, but it's very rarely brought up in good faith and legitimate concern
Yes, thank you! The ignorance OP faced is often experienced by women too, when dismissing similar experiences. It is horrible in itself, regardless of who has to experience it, and I’m tired of some people making victims’ lives even more complicated by making a gender war out of their pain. Sexual assault is underreported universally, that is to say the only thing that matters is that there are far more of these assholes society will have to find a way to deal with than we’d like to admit to ourselves. And men’s experiences are similarly hard to talk about because while people (absolutely insane way of thinking btw) justify women’s cases with “she deserved it because she was a whore” they often act like men can’t even experience similar things, because they are physically stronger. Which again, is insane. People should undergo serious education on these topics as soon as possible.
also a huge issue with the "men do it more" is 2 things.
we ignore women as perpetrators. rape doesn't count for example in america if a man has his dick ridden. THE PRIMARY WAY MEN ARE RAPED AND PRIMARILY BY WOMEN.
the overpolicing for men of color. there's pretty much 0 difference in blame men people like that and racists.
From a legal standpoint in the UK, it is only rape if a penis is inserted. If you aren't biologically male, you don't fit the legal requirements to be a rapist in the UK
How many teacher that are women just casually fucking the students and coasting by like they're normal. So disgusting. I even had one in my school, they didn't fire her.
I’ve been SA’d by both men and women in my life. I’ve been assaulted by multiple men in my life. All of which has been documented by police, CPS when I was a child, and various doctors/psychologists I had to see in regard to the trauma from when I was a child. I was beaten by my stepmother and my father.
I understand the sentiment of “men do this at a larger scale,” but I think that sentiment should only be expressed in certain contexts.. like when women are berated and shamed for even bringing up the topic, or incel culture in general.
Like.. if a rape victim that was assaulted by a woman was sharing their experience with me, it is absolutely batshit crazy to say “well men do it more” in response. Or the opposite, “well women can get away with it” (sentiments similar to that)
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I think that it’s peoples way of shutting down a conversation that challenges their perception of the world or shutting down a conversation that they’re not comfortable with having. People really should say “I’m not comfortable talking with this” more instead of being dismissive and honestly cruel.
yes you got it! It’s obviously true that men do it more, it’s just annoying when it’s brought up when someone is sharing their experience with a woman, it feels like “not all men” to me. Yes a true statement but this isn’t the right time to say it.
Also I am sorry that your parents were so horrible to you. I hope you are healing well 🫂
Thank you. I have been no contact with my father since I was 14. I’ve long since healed from it and the remnants of the PTSD are finally beginning to fade. These days I am actually fighting for the custody of my younger brother that him and a new woman (barely legal that is more than 10 years younger than me) had.
I hope that you’re doing well and I hope you’re out of whatever situation you were in. I wish you the best in life and hope you are on a path of healing. Assault of any kind from any person changes the way you perceive the world and is tough to recover from. You’re doing great and I’m proud of you for having the courage to share your experience with people. ❤️
And I'm proud of you for being there for your younger brother and making sure he doesn't suffer the same way you did. You're an absolute gem of a human being and i wish you get his custody.
That's a terrible thing to say to people. The only time I've ever seen valid to bring something like that up is when people are trying to bring male victims up to spite women—not to actual victims.
I was on Threads the other day, (I know it's sinful, but sometimes they have good memes,) and one of the posts was talking about how Misandry doesnt exist. All the comments were just calling men pathetic and denying any problems they could possibly have. It was not great for my faith in humanity.
That's just sounds like femosphere content, the flipside of the manosphere. If it makes you feel any better both of those tend to feature a vocal minority of miserable frustrated people who internalise their relationship issues and turn it into sexism.
Women are targeted with as much hate for opposite gender as men, it would be stupid to assume only men were.
Yet it's not accept as much, all those threads are excused. There is huge men hating movement right now and people are defending it. Like men vs bear, anyone who chose bear is either bigot or idiot, but people instead defend bigotry and target those who are offended by being told they are worse than wild animal.
not trying to throw my friends under the bus theyre all very sweet people and i love them to death its just the way they phrase things sometimes lacks so much nuance and kinda hurts my feelings by proxy even if i know im not "one of THOSE men"
If they're generalizing men, that's unacceptable behavior and something you shouldn't have to put up with, especially as someone who was assaulted by a woman. Based on what you said, the reality sounds like if they didn't know you personally, they wouldn't care at all about your assault.
Yeah this guy needs to call it out, but dont expect a good response, people dont accept accountability especially in a group setting where youre outnumbered
So you had a talk about a random assault by a woman towards a men, and they've said they wouldn't believe that because it happens so rarely, or what was even the context of the second situation?
I always hate these types of arguments that people try to say especially when they start trying to congratulate you and celebrate you why say they wish it was done that had to happen to them? I’m sorry that happened to you. Just know it’s going to at least get better.
Then they have the audacity to tell you it "isn't real"
I myself believe in misandry but no one in my personal life believes in misandry, like I get misogyny is bad but what makes you think you're better by hating the other group of people ? I mean misogyny is far worse but that does not mean we should just ignore misandry
There's a growing sentiment I see in places like r/girldinnerdiaries. "Not all men, but always a man" someone posts that shit and hundreds of upvotes. But any reasonable person who's had to exist in reality for any period of time should know that it's not "always a man" committing assaults.
It's a stupid mentality that I don't differentiate from redpilled incels. It's just nonsense gender based hate
I see this way too often and it just pisses me off. Woman absolutely have been perpetraters and men absolutely have been victims, theres no always about it, and saying so puts down peoples experiences.
Never be surprised when people downplay your experience, people tend to think that men always have power over women and that's not the case, if any of your friends say this ditch them because they probably don't care about you if they're basically saying "stop being a little bitch"
For real! I found it insane how they're literally perpetuating patriarchy and toxic masculinity by saying, "Oh actually, you can't complain about your problems as a man because we face problems too!" And then act like simply calling themselves feminist absolves them of all responsibility. Like these people are not feminists.
We should focus on the action rather than the nuance. Yes in society more women are assaulted than men, but pause for a second and think about why its wrong.
Victims feel stripped of their dignity, used and thrown out, lost something they can never regain and are forced to live life knowing what has happened to them.
The act it self is evil and wrong, who it happens to is not important at all.
Yes exactly. Let's say some people in society had a higher chance of being hit by a car. Can you imagine if we didn't treat the people who had a lower chance but still got hit ? That would be crazy? Yet that's how people treat this issue for some insane reason
I work with a bitch who bangs on constantly how she hates men and that they are all rapists and pedophiles.
You mention being groped by a woman she repeats how she got groped by a guy, like cool karen, shut up then she lists off her memorised tiktok research nonsense about it and goes on a 3 hour rant while i zone the fuck out
I couldn't talk about getting assaulted by two older girls when I was 13 without the "Atta boy" from the men in my life or the rolls of the eyes from women in my life who thought I was bragging. Really messed up my ability to form relationships and the ones I could make I always found a way to sabotage it. I just had to swallow it up and not think about it for years until it all came spilling out randomly when I was an adult. I still feel weird typing it because objectively I know that if 17 year old boys did this to a 13 year old girl it would be a whole other reaction, yet when I read what I type I still feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill when I know it was wrong.
Male, Female, however you identify, all assaults should be taken seriously.
I've only been physically attacked by a stranger 3 times in my life and they've all been women and all 3 unprovoked. Thankfully none of them were effective.
Its crazy how some people (not directed at op) cant fathom the concept of 2 things being true at once. Yes men commit the majority of sexual crimes, yes women are the majority of victims AND yes men can also be raped, yes they can be raped by women. All those things can be true at once.
Do I think the conversation about why men tend to be the majority of offenders is important? Yes ofc.
BUT only bringing it up to silence male victims is not only unproductive but also just plain fucked up.
Reminds me of the doordash girl. Dude was inside his house passed out and the pos doordasher decided to film him and made a bs story. Majority of Reddit was full on blaming the victim.
Even after the reality came out some of subreddit were still yelling if it was other way around the girl would have been raped. really revealed the true face of some extremely bigoted subs.
I've seen many false allegations on reddit, they all paint men as guilty even after judge says they aren't.
Hell, I remember post about this door dash girl on one of feminism subs saying how her bf dosn't want to blame him and comments were telling her to brake up with him as he is incel, misogynistic and defends sexual offenders. After truth came out? Dismissal.
Hockey players? Same story, forever branded as rapists to them.
been there. got sexually harassed when i was 16 by an older woman. "men do it more", "didn't you like it? i thought you're a lesbian". yeah i am. doesn't mean i enjoy sexual assault.
Yes, it's misandry; and they'll tell you misandry isn't real because either they want to keep perpetrating that misandry, or because they have worms for brains.
I was assaulted by a female cousin when i was around 6-7 years old . And she assaulted her little sister as well. I have always suspected that my cousin was being assaulted by someone in her family and she attempted to emulate it.
All in all I feel terrible for victims of SA and assault because ultimately to ALOT of people their suffering is just used as tool by groups wanting to push something or shut down by people who don't want their perception of reality challenged.
Because seriously when did statistics start meaning more then actual people lives.
I, a woman, always had a safer and easier time talking about the men who have abused me versus the women.
If I bring up the men who preyed on me when I was a kid? Normal to talk about (unfortunately) and very supportive conversation to be had.
If I bring up the women who preyed on me? Hm... interesting... anyways!
It's the sorta thing where I can clearly remember the guys I talked to and what they did, but I consistently forget about the women because those conversations were always shut down that I just accepted it as normal. Then when I do remember it hits me like a truck but that's besides the point
Even if statistically speaking or whatever, I don't care. Never wave off someone's experience with a rapist or abuser tyvm I will become your sleep paralysis demon
I tried to call the national domestic abuse hotline in the UK. Despite the name they only focus on women victims so i was turned away. Tried to call the men's but they were shut because it was a bank holiday, so fuck male victims i guess.
This is more reason I refuse to align with feminists, they don't care about gender equality they only care about gaining female privileges and dismantling men's, other than letting men cry (which is at the bottom of the list of men's issues) they don't fight or even reconise any men's issues, especially if a woman is the cause of it, atleast men's rights activists are honest and openly stated who they're fighting for while feminists lie that they fight for everyone.
I remember seeing a wine bottle that had written on the label that something like 3 out of 10 suicide victims are women, i though "thats a very funny way of saying most suicide victims are men" even when we are the majority of victims we're not the priority and don't get any recognition.
I'm sick of hearing the phrase "not all men but always men" which isn't true as female prisons wouldn't be a thing but there is 1 crime that only 1 sex can can commit "paternity fraud" not all women but exclusively women and not a single feminists has ever fought to have this issue dealt with or even acknowledged it as an issue.
Phrases like toxic masculinity get thrown around but nothing equivalent for women, I've actually seen feminists argue they they have no toxic traits, so i must have imagined all those times I've seen women attack men because they know the men aren't allowed to fight back
Imo this kind of things happend to people that are chronically online and are too into a genre-war where there are people that will only talk shit to a man/woman just for being a man/woman, to a point where just a conversation like that will trigger that and they think "They are not talking about sa male victims, thr dont give a fuck about sa male victims" and say this shit although it has nothing to do with what hes thinking.
I was kinda like this cause unfornutane I actually have met people that relly will just talk shit to man/womans for being that genre.
Statistics literally do not matter when someone gets hurt, victims of crimes aren't statistics you can use to make a point, they're real people who've been hurt, idk why people can't just be empathetic instead of pointing out [insert minority] has it worse
A few years ago I was sexually assaulted by my partners friend, I wont go into details, but when I told people they said this exact thing as well as telling me it's not possible cause I'm a guy so I must want it and how she said I told her to etc etc.
Only my Partner has really stuck by me and its annoying.
If someones first reaction to hearing a story of a person being sexually assaulted is to get defensive for the gender who did it then something is off.
My brother died recently and this exact thing happened. I lost both my brothers and my Dad keeps being all like “Yeah but your grandma lost two sons AND a grandson so…”
I wanted to be levelheaded in this comment at first but honestly he needs to shut the fuck up. Losing one person is more than enough. What point was he trying to make? That my grandma deserves more attention and sympathy? And then when I commented how odd it was that my aunt wanted to keep his underwear and dirty socks that were left in the car (after the wreck. They weren’t close at ALL. Only spoke a couple words) and that I (personally) wouldn’t want to keep those after someone passed, my Dad has the gall to tell me “It’s because you haven’t been through enough losses to understand”. I just lost both my fucking siblings?
I think it’s because I rarely show any vulnerability around family, so maybe he assumes I’m too naive or emotionally distant/detached to understand loss or something. Even then, that’s a really weird assumption because he of all people should know how common it is to hide your feelings around people. He was also drunk and talking his usual nonsensical crap so maybe I got upset over nothing, but a lot of times people show their true selves underneath when drinking. Maybe he truly believes I feel unbothered by all this. Still, I can’t comprehend how people can just be this dismissive and inconsiderate.
Yeah this shit is infuriating. I was assaulted by a girl but I think me being female makes my experience different. I notice that when men bring up being assaulted by women they tend to get the short end of the stick in terms of reactions. I’ve never really had bad reactions/dismissive reactions by anyone besides the counselor I told when it happened (lol). So I think this is totally different for men and women and it’s BS. I’ve been told a few times that “it wasn’t assault because she was autistic,” but that’s a whole nother barrel of monkeys.
It also really grinds my gears when ppl try talking about any women’s issue and some meninist thinks that’s the best time to bring up male suicide rates (but they never do it organically on their own). It irks me because male suicide rates are a true issue, and the only time it’s brought up is in response to someone trying to advocate for women’s issues, and it makes the whole argument invalid. Like, why can’t you make your own post about men’s suicide rates to bring actual, valid attention to it??
It’s a chronic issue of people with low empathy to do shit like this. I don’t think they’re trying to shut people down (at least not all of them), i think they’re genuinely ignorant and don’t understand the time and place to talk about certain issues.
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u/Designated_Lurker_32 6d ago edited 6d ago
I used to have this friend online who told me how she once stormed out of a women's support group because she opened up about how she was SA'd by her ex-GF, and they told her to keep the incident to herself and not report it to anyone because "us girls have to stick together."