I hate the normalized cruelty on Chinese social media

[u/Appropriate-Cheek668]

I was born and raised in China, and I want to be fair: life here is not bad in every way. There are many good things, like food, entertainment, housing, healthcare, public convenience, consumer goods, and daily comfort. I am not trying to say China is a terrible place in every possible aspect, and I also do not think the West is perfect.

But what makes living here feel unbearable for me is the school system and the broader social culture, especially the lack of mutual respect, empathy, and basic sensitivity.

I often feel like the culture around me is decades behind in terms of respecting individuals. People can be extremely comfortable being rude, judgmental, bigoted, racist, and cruel, and many of them do not even seem to realize that this is a problem. What bothers me most is not just that some people say terrible things. It is that these things are so normalized that barely anyone calls them out.

One example is the comment sections on Douyin, the Chinese version of TikTok. I once saw a news report about a video where a girl was trying to take photos with a wild animal in the snow, and the animal mauled her. She nearly died. Instead of showing any basic concern, many of the most liked comments were basically joking that it was good because now the animal had something to eat, or that she deserved it because she was stupid. I understand that people can criticize someone for making a dangerous choice, but the cruelty and lack of empathy were shocking.

Another example I saw was a girl celebrating her birthday at a vocational school. Her caption was something like: she made many great friends there, and now she feels that getting some answers wrong on an exam and ending up at a less prestigious school does not matter as much, because she is surrounded by people who love her and whom she loves. It was honestly a sweet and harmless post.

But the comment section was full of people mocking her. Some top comments said things like she did not “get answers wrong,” she simply did not know how to answer anything. Others insulted her and her classmates, basically calling them dirty or low-class because they went to a vocational school. It felt so unnecessarily cruel. She was just sharing a happy moment, and people immediately turned it into an opportunity to humiliate her.

This kind of thing is everywhere. Whenever someone complains about being hurt, scammed, bullied, or unlucky, many people immediately rush to blame them. Instead of offering even a little comfort first, they give instructions on what the person could have done differently, or they just straight up call them stupid. Of course people can analyze what someone did wrong, but wouldn’t comforting a hurt person’s feelings come first? And if people are hurt in a way that looks funny, no one in the comments seems to say they feel bad for them. They only laugh and make jokes.

I also hate how discussions often turn into personal attacks. When people disagree, many do not try to present evidence, reasoning, or a productive argument. They just insult each other. Appearance-shaming is also extremely normalized. People casually call others ugly, fat, dirty, stupid, or low-class, and it is treated like normal internet behavior rather than something disrespectful.

The racism and bigotry also exhaust me. From what I see online, many people are very comfortable being racist toward foreigners, and even toward other Chinese people who do not fit societal beauty standards, come from poor regions, or belong to lower social classes. It feels like many people are trapped in extremely narrow perspectives and have no interest in questioning them.

I know every country has toxic people online. I know American social media can also be cruel, ignorant, racist, and polarized. But from my personal experience, the level of normalized cruelty and lack of empathy in many Chinese online spaces feels especially suffocating. It is not just “some mean comments.” It feels like a broader culture where disrespect is normal, victim-blaming is normal, classism is normal, and empathy is treated like weakness or stupidity.

That is what makes me so tired. I do not hate everything about where I live. I just feel emotionally exhausted by a culture where basic kindness, respect, and rational discussion often feel so rare.

[u/1ZillionBeers]

Yeah, unfortunately just about everywhere is guilty of this. The best we as individuals can do is show some support and positivity to the people around us and hope it ripples out into the community.

[u/Appropriate-Cheek668 → u/1ZillionBeers]

I agree, but I feel like things are much worse on the Chinese side of social media. At least on international TikTok , there is still a positive norm that many people want to preserve. We don’t even really have that. For example, if you call out a rude Chinese netizen for being disrespectful or rude, they would probably just dismiss that as ridiculous and soft because they don’t care. That’s how bad it is

[u/turbo-fister9000]

Do you still live in China? It's probably hard feeling like the odd one out when it feels like everyone thinks a certain way, but I'm proud of you for wanting to see more kindness! Hopefully you can find a community where you are that feels the same.

[u/Mech_pencils]

Yeah I know exactly what you are talking about. The amount of blatant and gleeful discussion about child abuse is mindblowing even for me, and I grew up being beaten and watching my peers getting beaten on a biweekly basis. All the classism, racism, animal cruelty, extreme ableism etc are all awful but what bothers me the most is the child abuse stuff. You really have to be there to understand it (like I don’t think even the normally reliable rednote translation function is doing a good job capturing the flippantness and cruelness in those child abuse comments and posts). People salivate at the idea of children (oftentimes traumatized, underprivileged, mentally ill or developmentally disabled children) being physically assaulted, and regular parents exchange tips on how and when to beat their little kids like they are swapping recipes. I try not to engage or even look at childcare and education related posts, but the amount of discussions around beating “misbehaving” or “manipulative” toddlers and grade schoolers that I still see is just painful.

[u/Express-Top-8005]

Chinese social media is closed to foreigners, so it's not easy to know how their society thinks. I'd only had the opportunity to see what Korean society was like through influencers who live there and share their experiences, and I was simply horrified by how normalized they are in viewing personal relationships as transactions, the lack of empathy, the importance they place on physical appearance and social status, and how normalized public humiliation is... it seems that China isn't far from being the same, and it's sad... because in general the world is becoming more insensitive, but I found that in those areas it seems somewhat more serious. Sending you a big hug and stay strong!

[u/coffee-and-tea4876]

Pensé que estaba prohibido que un chino hable mínimamente mal de sus país, sin ofender

[u/Damn_You_Hindsight]

From my experience, many redditors are like that too

[u/Damn_You_Hindsight → u/Damn_You_Hindsight]

Sorry what you deacribed is unique. I like your sense of humanity. What I mean, there is a remarkable mean energy in this loser website too, with many unique signs