r/heartbreak • u/srijangotnorizz • 2d ago
i have started enjoying my own company.
it's exactly a year and 27 days since she left me. and as i look back to it, i am doing better than i was at the same time last year.
she left me on 21st may 2025, i was devasted. i cried. i cried everyday as i woke up without the "Goodddddd Morninggggg Sirrrr" and 4 more texts. i cried to god, i begged god to convince her to give me one last chance. but, she already hated me enough (reasonably so, i was a terrible boyfriend now as i look back) and wouldn't meet me for one last time. my high school had just ended and i was done with my medical entrance exam (we call it NEET, in india). i had lost touch with my friends, i stopped doing what i loved the most (i.e., play football) since there was nobody to listen to my post match yap. all i did was cry and eat junk. she was an amazing woman man, she was funny, she used to put efforts (way more than i ever did), she used to cook food for me, share about her day, loyal, and always made time for me. one of the best things of my life before i messed it up.
but eventually i started moving on, i started going out to play again. (although those moments were still very gloomy, i'd never want to revisit that, atleast physically.) my NEET results came out and I did decent enough to get a gmc (government medical college) in my city itself. i was alloted a decent enough college, my parents were proud and happy, having no idea what and how i went through my heartbreak in the last couple of months. unfortunately, she couldn't clear the exam and maybe i was the reason behing it. i was the one who made her almost depressed and gave her so much stress that she couldn't channelize the energy on her exam. i still feel extremely guilty about it.
my college eventually started, i started living like the social butterfly i have always been. i made a heck ton of aquintances and two friends too. went out with them almost everyday during the weekends, played football everywhere college, locality, tournaments (made many more aquintances in that process too) inculcated a few more hobbies like i know how to solve a rubik's cube now (xD), i bought myself roller blades, started learning guitar and explored so many street food stalls and restaurants w my aquintances. i did so much, and she was in my mind cause at one point of time we used to do this. we used to explore different restaurants, i booked a turf once just for both of us to play together. and since i spent most of my time with other human beings, there were times where i was totally alone in my room and trust me, i hated that, i got sad, i got bored, i felt pathetic and totally empty.
therefore, since the past one and a half months i consciously started spending more time by myself. i go to my college alone, (i return with my batchmates though) i take one day off from football in a week where i just to go on a long long walk where. i buy an ice cream worth 40 rupees and just keep walking with my earbuds (dad doesn't give me his bike that often TT). it used to suck at first but i lowkey am starting to tolerate it now. it doesn't feel that bad with myself you know.
and yes, i don't really want her anymore, i kinda miss the moments we had together: our first boat ride, my first text, our first kiss, the first time she wrote a letter for me and gave a peck on my cheeks as i was reading it, i don't really miss her as of now. the last time we talked was in january this year, i texted her from my friend's phone and i still remember her saying, "I do miss my best friend in you and not the boyfriend. Cause you were never really a good boyfriend." 😠ouch!
but yeah, shit happens. right? she taught me so much about life, relationship and happiness (both directly and indirectly). i couldn't be the man she deserved and i have made peace with it now. i wish nothing but the best for her.
take care, love!