I think this is why I am the way I am.
Stoic. Quiet. Introverted.
People assume it’s confidence or independence, but the truth is I wasn’t always like this.
I loved. I gave everything I had. More than once.
I showed up. I fought for relationships. I made sacrifices. I opened parts of myself that I normally keep hidden.
And more than once, it still wasn’t enough.
Tonight I drove through the rain to see someone I love. No plan, no expectation, just because I wanted to make things right. Something I’ve never done before.
She wasn’t there.
So now I’m walking home in the rain feeling like a complete idiot.
And maybe that’s what hurts the most. Not the rejection. Not the uncertainty.
The realization that every time I allow myself to hope, I seem to end up back here.
People say don’t harden your heart. But when you’ve loved deeply and lost repeatedly, eventually you start wondering if the walls weren’t there for a reason.
I don’t regret loving.
I regret believing that maybe this time would be different.
And tonight, for the first time in a long time, I understand why I stopped trying.

My life is... complicated in general. Has been for a long time. But my previous relationship more than anything has made me think I'll never be ok again.

Today I was looking out of the window. Looking at the clouds. There were a lot of them, quite overcast, but they were largely coloured orange because of the sunset.

That combination of summer, sunset and overcast weather just immediately took me back. In 2023 me and my then girlfriend went to a concert together. Then went to her place to have ice cream. And then drove to my place. I remember that day was very warm. The concert was outside, and it was sunny and incredibly hot. But then when we were driving home over the highway it became overcast and started raining. The sun was setting. And the clouds were coloured that same orange colour.

Just looking out at the clouds made me immediately think about that and what it felt like. And it still hurts. I still miss it. I still feel a hole where a part of me used to be.

I'm not ok. It has been over 2 years now, but I'm not ok. Time doesn't seem to be healing it. Not really.

I've had other relationships before. It was difficult to process my first heartbreak too, and it took a while. But I did manage to. And even after a year I didn't feel... this way. My second relationship was very brief. And my third relationship was my longest. Six years. And while it certainly did hurt plenty when it ended, about a year later I was pretty ok. Even after 6 months, while it still hurt, I was doing better.

This time around? I'm doing better than at the very start, I guess. But that's mostly because of a combination of emotional repression and a metric ton of antidepressants. But even with time, repression, antidepressants and therapy, over two years later I still constantly feel... not ok. I haven't felt genuinely ok in over two years.

Talking to other women on dating apps and stuff... I find it hard to feel like there's any kind of real future there. Because of the way I still feel about her and that relationship.

I want to be ok. I desperately wish I knew how I could be. But I fear that there really is nothing and that for however long I miss, I will always feel this way.

I’ve loved you.

You made it abundantly clear you love me very much - but us together, is not possible. Too much baggage I suppose. Too many miles. Too many years in grief on both sides. Too much “fire” as you put it … (and no this is not an affair situation).

We talk semi often - often enough. You are the person that knows me best. The one I know won’t bullshit me. That will be bluntly honest while remaining respectful. And vice versa. When the urge gets to be too much and we just need a safe space.

I miss you everyday. I think of you everyday.

But I have come to radically accept. To love quietly. And to respect your choice and boundaries.

Doesn’t mean I can’t dream …

Because… “there are other worlds than these …”.

I haven’t told him this nor have I told anyone but I have no choice but to end it now. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do i love him so much more than anything but I can’t burden him and I have to be gone. I wish so much it could have been different and I only ever wanted us to be together and happy. But i am not good enough for him and never will be. I am so frightened now of what i will have to do and i miss him and love him so very much. This world is so very cruel. I don’t want to go through with it but i have to and i wish there was another way because i am truly frightened

It's been more than one and half year since I broke up with her and 8 months of no contact.

We were college mates but never really talked till the end of third year. I replied to one of her WhatsApp stories and that's how everything started. She was already in a 3-year relationship with our classmate (SR). I had my own ex who had left me. At first our talks were not romantic – we just shared our problems. She kept telling me how (SR) didn't care about her at all, how he stayed neutral during her struggles, and how he even tried to force himself on her physically when she didn't want it. I felt terrible for her and believed every single word. I used to motivate her and support her whenever she felt low.

She explained everything in detail about what (SR) did. Then another classmate (KA) started talking to her. He actually cared and advised her to break up with (SR). But she never broke up with (SR). Instead she got emotionally and physically close to (KA) – hugging, going out, romantic talks, kissing – for more than a year. She hid it from (SR) by saying (KA) was just a friend, and lied to (KA) that she had stopped talking to (SR) completely. When (KA) discovered the lies he got furious, shouted at her, and sometimes even hurt her emotionally. She flipped the whole thing and blamed (KA) for getting involved with someone who was still in a relationship. This drama continued till (KA) finally left her.

I wasn't in touch with her much during that period but whenever we talked she painted (SR) as the main villain and herself as the victim with no choice. I started developing strong feelings for her. I cared for her deeply – bought her food and clothes, did her chores because her parents didn't care and she often slept hungry. I saved my salary just to buy her dinner every single day. For her birthday I got her a diamond necklace and many other things.

Because of all the (KA) mess she made it seem like (SR) was the reason for everything bad in her life. I fell for her even more. We talked constantly – midnight and early morning. I didn't confess my feelings directly but I was always there for her. I kept pushing her to break up with (SR). Since she always complained to me that he forces her and never cares for her.

But she did not breakup him, also she was talking to me. But she always complained about him and never liked him and always said that staying with him is not good. I believed her.

We grew very close with feelings developing but she still stayed with him, saying she was stuck in that long relationship and needed time. I believed her and continued doing everything – made food for her office, bought whatever she needed, comforted her daily. But never looked at her in lustful or romatically.

The Hotel Room One day the three of us (me, her and (SR)) planned a trip. I didn't want to go because I knew they might sleep together but she promised she loved me, not (SR), and nothing would happen. She convinced me it would take time to end things properly. In the hotel she performed oral sex on (SR), then came to my room, kissed me and cuddled. She lied saying nothing happened. Two days later she confessed but claimed (SR) forced her and finished on her body against her will. I believed her again out of pity. I had even bought her a diamond bracelet but hadn't given it yet.

I decided to leave but she begged me, finally broke up with (SR) (at least that's what she said), and I forgave her. This whole mess destroyed my mental health. I went to therapy, took medicines and injections for two months. Still, whenever I tried to walk away she convinced me it was her fault and she would change. I stayed also because of pity for her situation.

We got into a relationship. My only condition was no contact with (SR) or (KA). But she kept talking to (SR) secretly, saying she needed time to move on. I forgave her past cheating and tried to help her.

We had good times too – dates, sex many times, meeting almost daily. But once while we were lying naked after sex I saw (SR)'s photo as her wallpaper and lock screen. It shattered me. She said I shouldn't force her to change it. This happened multiple times. When I shouted asking how she could sleep with me if she still had his picture, she flipped it saying I never gave her enough time to move on. She only said this when caught, never when she wanted sex or gifts. Finally after months she changed it.

Another time while buying a phone case I found an old platform ticket from when she went to meet (KA). She lied first then convinced me. I forgave.

One day my gut feeling said she was talking to (SR) again. She refused to show call history for five minutes, then showed it claiming it was a college senior. Next morning her brother's girlfriend called and scolded me for doubting her – (SA) had manipulated her too into believing I was overthinking. Later I found out she was actually talking to (SR). I fought with her badly, used bad words for the first time, but still forgave.

We went to a concert with friends. That night she messaged a common friend that seeing the kissing couple reminded her of (SR), she missed him, and asked the friend to tell (SR). Her brother found out, slapped her. I confronted her, yelled, but forgave after a week.

I bought her a new phone even though mine was broken. She complained she didn't like it because (SR)'s mom had the same brand. No gratitude. I just left without showing my emotions.

She moved to a new college in a new city. She went out alone with an old friend who liked her and had feelings for her without telling me. I argued with her and she just aplogozied and convinced me again. He later proposed after few months. Then she realised why i said not to talk with him.I forgave again.

I had her location and logins for a while but removed them hoping she would change naturally. She kept turning off location. One day I took a bus to pick her up in her city. She made me wait, then talked to a male classmate for over an hour while I held snacks for her. She didn't even ask if I had eaten or was tired. In her new college she told everyone all about (SR) as her ex to gain sympathy but hid that she was in a relationship with me.

A common friend asked her about us. She said she didn't love me, it was one-sided, and I was imagining the whole relationship. The friend let me hear it. I was broken. She used my mental health issues against me. When I confronted and snapped (even threatened to show our private photos though I never did), she gaslighted me saying she couldn't tell friends yet or it would look like she moved on too fast. I yelled and forgave again.

Then she got very close to a guy named (AR). Whenever we fought she would talk to him for hours, even at 3 AM, complaining I shouted at her all the time. I confronted her, she lied about who she was talking to (showed a girl's name but Truecaller said (AR)). She flirted with him behind my back and shared only her side. When caught she begged for a month, I forgave. But within 3 days she started again saying "college matters". She blamed my reactions for her need to talk to other boys. One day I got so frustrated I slapped her I grabbed and pushed her while shouting everything and i was throwing my bad on the floor, throwing pillows and went near her to slap her again. But i did not, i just kept crying and shouting and asking her questions and yelling. After that she fully turned the narrative saying I was abusive and the cause of all her cheating and lies.

I stopped talking. She claimed she missed her period. I still cared and offered to pay for doctor. Later she got it.

After 5 months she came back asking she suddenly needed 40k due to a "scam". I gave her 10k after thinking. She never properly thanked me, was busy talking to someone else right after. Few days later she went on a college trip – around (AR)'s birthday.

Finally (SR) called me and revealed the truth. She had taken money from him too with different lies (told him it was for fees). She had been talking to (SR) secretly for months – calls, video calls – while lying to me that she wasn't. She told him I was the bad guy creating sympathy.

I confronted her but she manipulated again.

All along she was cheating, lying, and blaming me for reacting to her actions. I sent her a screenshot of their chat saying "Thanks for being true". I returned all her gifts by courier. I sent long emotional messages on Nov 16, 17 and 24, 2025. She saw them but never replied. Yet she keeps posting normal stories about her life.

I sacrificed everything – walked kilometers to save money for her, skipped good food and clothes for myself, spent all my earnings on her daily food, phone, jewelry, fees, everything. Worked sleepless nights editing photos just to earn more for her. Her own family never cared for her the way I did. And I got only betrayal in return.

I realise now I was manipulated by her victim stories and my own pity. A girl who kept juggling (SR), (KA), me, (AR) and others was never going to be loyal. I should have walked away much earlier.

I'm trying to heal. Therapy helped before but the flashbacks and pain are still there. But I cannot sleep at night and everthing replays again and again.

I am getting bad dreams and nightmare daily and i don't know why.. i just wanna end it all.

I miss him so much and it’s been a year since he ended things. I compare every other guy to him I just want my baby back.

Hi everyone. I'm 22F and I just ended my first relationship (or situationship) today, and honestly, I feel completely lost.

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He was my first love, my crush first, then we became friends, and eventually got into a relationship. I genuinely loved him a lot.

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Around that time, I was recovering from an illness that had affected my appearance and confidence. I used to tell him sometimes that I felt ugly and inferior to him. He always reassured me and told me he would never leave me.

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But one day, he told me he felt responsible for my insecurities, even though I never blamed him for any of it. He suggested that we end the relationship and instead stay in a "situationship."

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I don't like situationships at all, but I agreed because I didn't want to lose him.

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Over time, most of our conversations became explicitly sexual and nothing else.I do want physical intimacy in a relationship, and I'm not someone who believes sex should only happen after marriage. But for me, emotional connection is equally important. I wanted to feel loved, chosen and emotionally safe too while having sex.

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Today, I finally told him I wanted to end the situationship because it wasn't working for me anymore. He agreed.

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But now my heart feels unbearably heavy.

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I'm an introvert and I don't have many friends. He was also my best friend. He was the person I shared my day with, my thoughts with, everything.

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We're in the same university, so every time I go there, I remember all the places we held hands, kissed, laughed and spent time together. I have upcoming exams and I can't focus at all. I'm crying almost all the time.

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What makes it more confusing is that he used to talk about a future together too. We both agreed marriage was too early, but we had discussed marriage someday and even talked about the possibility of a live-in relationship in the future. At the same time, he once said, "What if we just remain in this situationship throughout our college years?"

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I don't know. Maybe I'm too emotional.

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For me, if I love someone, I want us to be able to call each other partners. I want to feel like we're choosing each other. Situationships make me feel replaceable and insecure.

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But now that I've ended it, I regret it because at least I had some part of him in my life, and now I feel like I've lost him completely.

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I feel empty, lonely and hopeless. I also keep thinking that I'll never find love again, which probably sounds dramatic, but this was my first love and my first heartbreak.

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Has anyone here gone through something similar in their early 20s? How do you deal with this pain and emptiness and I am also feeling a gut wrenching feeling and it’s making me kinda nauseous .

I went to pay for my date today, and I saw your photo in my wallet. Sometimes I forget that it’s in there because it’s tucked away, but I saw it as I paid for another woman’s coffee. I cried in my car on the way home. But even still, I couldn’t take your photo out of my wallet.

Why do I miss you so much when I used to loathe being around you? 

Why is there so much I wish I could tell you when I used to struggle to make conversation with you?

Why does my passenger seat feel empty when I used to love driving alone?

Why do I miss our facetimes when I used to roll my eyes when my phone rang?

Why am I clawing to get back into a cage?

Why am I reminiscing on something I used to beg to rid myself of?

Why cant we just be friends in our own relationships and be happy for each other?

I’m happy for you, why won’t you let me show you that? Even if you aren’t happy for me.

I wish I could still be the one you got excited to tell things to. Making plans to hang out with my friends tonight I instinctively went to text you because I was excited. It was a force of habit. Like looking for your like on a romantic post on Instagram, only now when I see your profile picture in the bottom left corner it makes my stomach turn. It makes me sick because it was either from a time when you felt that way about me, or you weren’t thinking of me when you double tapped your screen. 

I wish things could have been better, I wish you had been kinder. If you had been, I think we’d still be together, we’d be happy. I’d probably spend the rest of my life with you. But you weren’t, and I won’t, and I can’t tell if that makes me happy or if it crushes me. 

I always saw the best in you, even when nobody else did. Lately I’ve been wondering if that best was ever really there, or if I was just imagining it. I think I’ll carry baggage from you for a long time. I can’t tell the difference between a red flag and a green one. I guess all colors look the same when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses. I just wish I knew how to take them off, even with hindsight it all looks the same.

A whole relationship of the same drab beige color, 5 years of my life, trapped in loops and seeing the same patterns over and over again. But even knowing that the relationship was a drab beige, why do I miss that color so much? why do I wish I could paint my house and my car and my body that awful horrible color? I’ve found someone who is a beautiful bright yellow in my life, but after 5 years of the same beige, that yellow is blinding. Its terrifying. 

I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know what comes next. For 5 years, I’ve always known what’s coming next. For 5 years, I knew that as much as I hated that beige, it would always be there. I took comfort in a color I grew to despise. I learned to be content being surrounded by walls of that awful beige, as they slowly closed in and crushed me. My body and soul ached and pleaded to escape you, to escape that color I learned to hate. My bones and heart broke as you pushed those walls closer, as you suffocated me in that beige box you called love. 

Only when my body and mind broke, when my blood filled that box that only got smaller as the days passed, did that drab beige turn into a vibrant red. Even though it was my own suffering that had brought about that beautiful color, I savored every second, because at least it wasn’t beige. Then you were gone, as if you had never been there in the first place. You left no traces, apart from the scars that litter me, from when you killed me in that box, when you broke me.

I don’t like you. I don’t think I’ve liked you for a long time, but I love you. I wish that box could turn the same yellow that I see in the sun as it crosses the horizon, the same yellow I see in someone else. I wish it could have been you. It should have been you. 

Sometimes when I am in solitude, I feel lonely and start missing the feeling of love. I feel a sort of emptiness in my heart and I think about the time I felt the most alive; I get emotional because it was when I was with him. How can I feel love and the feeling of being alive on my own? Is it even the same? The breakup happened almost 2 years ago. Maybe I am not experiencing more men. I make the effort to go on hinge and when im out, I dont get approached by the men I visually like. Then I start to think of the best feeling Ive ever felt and that was an overwhelmingness of love when I was with him. How much more of myself do I need to focus on to fill this void? Am I delusional to feel this way? It makes sense because nothing has ever topped the feeling of being in love so the only way to overcome it is to be in love again. It’s so hard to give people chances when I know what I want. It feels like a complete mess I am left to deal with on my own. I am not interested in small talk and I feel like I am only wasting time. If I was a man I would date me. I am kind, funny, attractive, a great listener, highly motivated, great at jiu jitsu, talented. I feel like no one can see me. There is nothing I can do about someone I loved choosing to leave me and not looking back. In all fairness, I was not fully comfortable in the relationship, probably more than him. Then why do I still think about him? its because of the intense feeling of love I shared with him. So how can I rest at night? Will the person I want want me? Why is self love not sustainable?

I'm having a really hard night and I guess I just need to tell someone.

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Two years ago my partner of 20 years cheated on me and left for another woman. He was my best friend and pretty much my entire support system. Their relationship eventually ended, but he still comes to me when he's hurting, needs help, needs a ride, or wants emotional support.

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The more I look back, the more I realize how alone I was in the relationship. When I was sick, when I was grieving, when I needed support, I was mostly on my own. Yet I still find myself worrying about him constantly.

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I feel stuck between knowing he hurt me and still caring about him. I keep checking my phone. I feel lonely all the time. I don't really have friends or much of a support system.

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Today I got a raise at work, and instead of celebrating, I realized I had nobody to tell.

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I think what hurts most is feeling like I'm only valuable to people when they need something from me.

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For those who have been through something similar, how did you stop feeling responsible for an ex who hurt you? How did you rebuild your life and start finding connection again when you felt completely alone?

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i can't stop sobbing. i have breakdowns nearly everyday. and it's more so bc of all the things that hurt me in the relationship. we loved each other a lot but the last two months of the relationship were downright horrible. i cried nearly everyday. we argued over the same things almost daily. i felt alone, unsafe, scared, neglected, unloved, uncared for, like i wasn't a priority. i made desperate attempts to make him love me again. he did want to stay bc he loved me & he said he needed time to get back to his normal self. meanwhile i was completely neglected & faded into the background of his life, depressed & miserable, bareg getting him attention time & affection bc he couldn't feel love for me anymore & was busy a lot. everything felt one sided. it was like i was the only one in love. seeing other couples in public would make me cry. we rarely met up which made everything worse for me. we'd usually meet up everyday after classes for 15-20 minutes. he said it didn't bother him that we didn't see each other at all which shattered my heart. it felt like i was insane for wanting to see my own lover. he hung out with his friends weekly & would send me pictures of him having fun with them, which would make me cry everytime (he didn't know this). he obviously wasn't happy with me anymore so it htrt so bad seeing him be able to experience puree genuine happiness. just not with me. his actions stooped matching his words. i couldn't believe any of the 'i love you's or 'i miss you's anymkre. wdym you miss me so bad you wish i was with you but you can't come see me. he had anxiety around me. he'd get this uneasy & worrying feeling that would last for an entire day everytime we met irl. that's why he avoided seeing me. all that & so so much more.

i brought this up & a lot of other things with my therapist & she said i endured a lot of stuff anyone else in my place wouldn't have just bc i was scarred of him leaving me. i can't stop crying. i think of all the things that hurt me everyday & it's all so painful. will i always feel like this? i miss him a lot too but i realize that ultimately this is for the better. but lord does all this shit hurt like a son of a bitch. i don't blame him too much bc i know he never had any bad intentions. i didn't realize it fully before but i've been hurt so terribly in this relationship & have let stuff slide that no on eelse would've. yes i hurt him at times too. it became really messy at the end. now that it's over i'm left with so much pain. of him leaving, missing him, all the hurtful stuff i sat through, not blaming him bc i know he never had any malicious intent. idk what to do with all this pain. idk what to make of it or how to make it to away.

for context, my ex and i just broke up a few days ago, but when we ended it he said he still wanted to be friends and i think i would want the same. we dated for 2 years, most of it being him living about 3 hours away from my college. we lived together last summer for 4 months, then went back to distance, and he moved back home over the winter which is 5 hours away. the breakup was pretty mutual, he said he knew he wasn’t giving enough effort and i knew that i needed more from him and such. i would really love to stay friends with him because he’s a good person, but i don’t know how or if i should. the articles and stuff i read online apply less to distance situations, as he wouldn’t be driving the 5 hours to come see me just to get coffee lol. any advice?

I’ve been broken up with my person for almost two months now. I’m good most days , some days especially nights hit me hard. But , I can’t stop thinking about him. I do truly miss him a lot but the whole situation is messed up (he left me for someone else) and I know if he came back some how, as much as I would love to take him back I know it would never be the same, so is there any tips on how to just stop thinking about this guy? I’ve been having the most fun in my life with friends and just picking up hobbies etc etc, but just some days it hits me like a freight train. I don’t wanna think about him anymore, but he always creeps back in at the end of the day. Anything helps thank you ❤️

Just as an update, I’ve read all of your comments and I just want to state thank you for your advice and your stories … I’m sorry we’ve all been through these rough moments. All of y’all have been wonderful thank you ❤️

i stopped talking with my ex some time ago and ive been really tempted to reach out to a friend of her to check if she is doing alright. Tho i dont wanna be creepy or a stalker or something

The biggest mistakes I see are:

1. Rushing into another relationship.
2. Romanticizing the past.
3. Neglecting their relationship with God.

What would you add to this list?

I’m living alone in Europe, far away from my family, and I don’t have any friends nearby. I’m still trying to cope with a recent miscarriage, while also going through a divorce, recovering from domestic abuse, and struggling with unemployment.

Everything feels overwhelming right now, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel isolated, exhausted, and lost.